Hydrocodone addiction - very depressed.

[Iphigenia]

Well, my hydrocodone run ran out. I got a ton from doctors awhile and now I'm through and no one is giving me refills. If there was a way to get them illegally I probably would, but I just can't.

I want to feel like "It's over. You're done with, you don't need it anymore," but instead it's just like there is something inside my head forcing me to do anything in my power to try to get a hold of more. I've lied to doctors and have ended up with a few different painkillers (namely tramadol, bultabital..), but I hate them because they don't make me feel the same way. I exaggerate pain a lot....and I feel so guilty about it, especially when I don't get anything from it, because then I just feel stupid AND guilty.

I'm so depressed. I can't stop thinking, "with just a couple strokes of a pen on a piece of paper and probably forgetting he ever even did it 5 minutes later, this doctor/dentist could just give me a bottle of something that will make all of my problems go away." I know it's so unreasonable, but I just don't feel like I'm ever going to be happy again without hydro. I don't even have any motivation whatsoever to keep myself from trying to get my hands on more...I have two surgeries coming up and I think I'll probably end up with hydro for at least one of them... I'm just looking for some support.,..and I was also wondering if maybe some of you that used to have an addiction and are now living happy lives without it could share that with me? I just feel hopeless...I'm also bi-polar and have recently started taking Trileptal...it's making me kind of numb, and since I've started taking it I've been craving the heck out of hydro even more.. .

[NoMore4Me]

I have been without my tabs for two days now, only I gave them up because I had enough of them, their only good for one thing when you abuse them, it takes your life.
I feel that your not ready to give them up but instead the docs don't want to give them to you,
Your up against a wall that you can't climb, turn around and start a new life, take one day at a time, if you can go a week you can then begin to start your recovery, after a week you will get better by the day,
Do this for yourself, give it everything you got for a week and see how you feel then, you have nothing to lose because you don't have the meds so why not begin today, fight this , you must Iphigenia, you have to do this and it has to be started right now, put your mind to it and just keep on fighting for the next seven days, I don't know you but I wish that in a week I come here and see your post saying that you will win the fight and that you feel better about yourself, that would pick up everyone here, we can get strength from you and you can from yourself and me and the other people here fighting the same fight that your in, we're all in this together, you and I have the same problem, ever think of that?
Read my first post here, subject :
Two days off of Hydro's, here's my story, I just started my fight yesterday, I'm only two days ahead of you, we could really help each other out during the next week and how ever long it takes for us to have our LIFE back

God Bless You and please start the fight tonight, don't wait until tomorrow, ok?