Hi I found these forums tonight out of hope that I would find something that would help me. If anyone can just give me advice on what to do or atleast tell me that I havnt messed up my life I would appreciate it.
When I was 16 I was finishing up my sophomore year of highschool when one night I was feeling asolutely terrified about going to school the next day and that night infront of my mom I had my first panic attack and I freaked out big time and became very scared to leave the house and the slightest thing would set me off and make me scared. I was scared of things such as my breathing, I believed that if i didnt think about my breathing and pay attention to it that I would stop breathing and die. So I had anxiety constantly. The only times that I could sleep was when I would pass out from sheer exaustion. I started to get scared about being trapped in my skin, thinking that it was covering me and that i couldnt get out of it. It came to points sometimes were I thought I was actually losing my mind. I couldnt go out into my drive way without having a panic attack. I stayed in my house for almost a year and a half leaving only to get therapy and go to the doctor, and during those times out I would have a constant panic attack to were afterwards I could barely walk from being so exhausted with the constant panicing. I had to drop out of school because of my fears of leaving the house and tried to do homeschooling. Homeschooling didnt work out as well as we had hoped so we decided to drop that and go for my GED. It took me a long time to get my GED, I had to go through alot of Fear and canceled many of my appointments to go take the test. But when i was 18 I finally got MY GED which was a huge accomplishment for me. Ever since that day I have been getting better and just takeing my time. I now go out with friends and havnt had a real honest to God panic attack for almost a year. I now have come to another bump and its scaring me to death. Im 19 years old and i can no longer sit around, I have to get a job and go to college. The feeling of getting a job scares me to death so much that for a brief time I go back to the way I was when i was 16 and feel terrified. I know that I have to get a job, it makes me feel real sad to know that I am 19 and have no college and have not had a job. My parents have been really supportive and have let me take my time but now since they have seen me getting out with friends they feel I should get a job. It almost paralyzes me with fear when the thought comes up. I have applied for jobs and have had 3 interviews, and with every interview I get the job but i freak out the day before the job and am unable to take it. I dont know what to do there is no way out of this, and there is no more help left. I no longer have medical insurance from my mom because I am to old so I had to stop my medication of zoloft and abilify and I can no longer see a therapist. I dont know what to do, there are so many things I want to do with my life but cant. If anyone has any advice or just some consoling words I would greatly appreciate it because trying this forum is about all i have left to try. If you took the time to read this I appreciate it greatly.
Thank you
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