Another Vicodin story

[watson540]

Thanks for the advice and motivation. I am listening to that inner voice. I have this gutrenched feeling in my gut screaming at me to stop. I have only had 3 7.5s today. I had 4 yesterday and 4 the day before. Thats good, considering 4 days ago I was eating 15 a day.
When I was 22 I was taking 25 a day. Until I almost died. After that I was clean for 5 months, on Naltrexone. It wasnt really my first choice, I will get into that later though. Maybe.
I did ok today....well no not really I was a ****ing mess. I still am. But emotions aside, I did ok. I got up at 7 this morning with the baby. As soon as my feet hit the floor...they hurt. My whole body ached. Then about 20 minutes later the coughing started. It was so bad I threw up once. As soon and the diarrhea came, I took a 7.5. Thats was around 8:30. That held me over until 11. Then another at 3. I only have a percocet left. Me and My husband are spliiting it tomorrow. I will need to get some Immoduim AD or Phenergan. I have benadryl. Thats what they gave me in rehab once to help me with the withdrawals. It worked for some reason. I have neglected the extra fluid intake. I need to make note of that and drink more tomorrow. I am feeling physically ok. I read about the Thomas recpie before on this board. I cant do it though, cause xanax and/or clonodine knock me out, and I have to stay alert all day for the baby.....hence on of the reason I incresed my intake. Though I have to admit that I did take them while I was pregnant only 2-3 a day though. God that sounds SO aweful when I actually say it out loud.. How selfish am I? This has to stop. For him. I dont want to leave him for someone else to raise because I am an addict.

I will face this head on. With every fiber of me being this time. I dont feel like I have a choice any more. Like I said I have a new son, and my habit cost is exceeding that of my monthly income.
I know how it is, the withdrawals, the pain, the aches, the EASY way to get over it all.
I am scared though. I dont like to admit it. But Im scared. I just keep thinking about the road ahead. And the thought that if I dont quit, the road ahead might no be too much longer. I have already been handed too many get out of jail free cards. I feel like if I was to relapse again, there will be no hope. If I cant stop for my son and husband and to SAVE MY LIFE, then I am worthless.
Its not going to be fun at my house for the next few days with 2 long time drug users trying to make the hardest decision of their lives. The one that will keep them alive.
These pills have been who I am for almost 10 years. Its what I talk about all the time, Its what makes me happy, it motivates me to clean (since I am a compulsive neat freak.) Its what makes me feel like I can deal with anything. I know that the person that is hiding under this crap is a good person, and shes tired of being a pill junkie. She is ready to take on life....sober.
I am finally SO TIRED of waking up every day feeling like **** until I eat 4-5 pain pills. Then Im In a good mood, and I clean and play with the baby, and chat with friends on the phone. Right now, my phone is off the hook. I just want to do this. Alone. without the 2 cents of my friends. Who also think this would be in my best interest.
Hey, thanks again for listening, and caring, I appreciate it right now, more than you know.....
I am going to go....Intervention starts soon, I like that show. Imagine that
Thank tou
LK

[PercOcet30]

I am new here too and just wanted to let you know I know how you feel. I am in the same boat basically - except that my wife doesn't do any drugs, which makes it tough cause she can't relate to what I am going through. I spend so much money a month on pills it is sickening - but like you, that is the only way I seem to have any motivation, its the only time I am in a good mood. Until I started reading these posts, I didn't realize that everything in my life revolves around getting and taking pills, with two small children (2yrs and the other is 1 week) and a loving wife, it kills me that I can't find happiness any other way. Not to mention the fact that she just had a C-section and all I can think about is taking her meds (I haven't yet though) I want to break free of the pills - I still have 30 left and am already thinking of how to get my next bunch. It's the WD's that make me so hesitant to give them up cold turkey. I have thought about giving them to my wife to hold and give them "as needed" but I tried that before and the first day she gave them back because it turned into "they are my pills anyway..." This sucks so bad. I hope that I find strength in other peoples trials and tribulations. I have a feeling I will be spending a lot of time on this board so hit me up anytime you feel the need to, even if it is just to vent. I wish you and your family the best of luck

[CHINAFAN]

HELLO......PERC..AND WATSON......
i am also in the same boat...........lets paddel together to recovery..........i alreay took 3 this am..........and its only...11:52..i have made a decision to stop this addiction and i have prayed about it..............this one posting i read this guy said he got mad...and saw it as if he was going to war..........
so i am gonna copy that............OH YEAH I gonna beat this addiction.............i don't want to reach for pills any more and i don't want to worry about running out anymore..........i am considering taking subonox.......
and i ahve learned so much in a couple of weeks........see for the frist time in 10 years i have admitted that i am addicted to vicodin..........to other people.....thank God for message boards..........i did not they exsisted until a couple weeks ago..............i feel better to know i am not alone........
ALL THE THINGS YOU FELT THIS AM...........I FELT TO...............
OHHH BOYYYYYYYYYY..........ITS TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS AND STOP THIS FOR GOOD............LOVE YA ALL

[ANBRIANNA]

Hello Sista',

I am sorry that I have not responded in a few days. Please do not take my lack of response for a lack of caring. I truly care about you and your family. Since this is only my second week, I try to stay as busy as possible. You see, it is the cravings that really mess me up but so far,...I am still clean. It gets better everyday! It is not a party yet, but it sure does feel good to see the morning light again, without regretting that the night is over. I used to wake up crying, I know you understand that!

I was so glad to read that you reconzied the systems of withdrawl and understand the mental and physical discomfort that you will go through for just a little while. I try to look at suffering through the withdrawals like I did when I had my first child. They told me not to say " labor pains" but to just say " labor" which meant that my body was at work and I would be in discomfort for a while. Your body is at work girl, and yes, it is in pain but the pain does have a purpose. Be strong and fight the urge to use again because it really is mind over matter.

Yes, your body will hurt and then when that stops your head will hurt and people will just seem to get on your damn nerves and then just when you think you can't take it no more,...your spirit will begin to hurt but remember, the pills nor the addiction did not and cannot touch your soul. And that is what you are fighting for. This demon ( pills, drugs, alcohol etc. ) doesn't just want to control your life,...it is here to destroy your life. The life of an addicted person is the journey into hell but the actual destination is death. First, spiritually and the physically.

The devil is a lie, you are not an addict, you are ill! Addiction is a diease and just like most dieases that has no cure, you must learn to live with it until you are healed. You may always have the desire to get high but that does not mean you have to yield to the temptation.

You can do this. Hold onto your baby when it gets bad. A child is the closest thing to God and they have the power to heal the soul.

My fight is mine alone, as my husband does not even smoke cig's so although he says " he understands, he does not". I would not wish this diease on my worse enemy but in a way, you and your husband fighting together is a true blessing! Please understand, again, I wish neither one of you had to take on this battle ( as a matter of fact, I wish none of us had to ) but the bottom line is, we continued to use the drugs beyond the relm of the pain and now we must pay the price. You and your husband must take strength in one another because you are of one flesh and that gives you so much more power then if you had to fight this illness alone. Bring your struggle to this board. You will find all of the strength you need and also, the friends on this board will tell it like it is but they do so out of love. They have walked a mile in our shoes and they know our fears

Well, I am rambling again and it is not my intention to overwhelm you anymore then you already are.

Oh, except for one more thing. Do not continue to belive that if you fail in this attempt to stop using that it will define what type of person you are. The devil is a lie. If you do not seceed this time, girl...pick youself up, dust yourself off...and try,,,try,,try again.

God is just waiting for your hear to catch up to your sincerity and then when you give over your will to him, he will take the desire away.

You and you husband can do this and I will continue to be here for you both and I will continue to pray you though this horrible but ( and I mean this ) temporary time frame in your life.

You have no where to go but up now, if you are at the bottom. If you have not reached bottom yet, you will and then you will again, claw your way up to the top of the game, where you both belong.

You deserve the best so don't settle for less.

Girl, kick some demon *** and give it one good kick in the family jewels for me.

talk to you soon,

Luv ya'

United
There is nothing to it but, to do it!

[ANBRIANNA]

Hello PerCocet30,

I am soooo sorry to read about the pain of being addicted to those pills is causing you. Do you still take pills for pain or ae you just chosing to use?

Man oh Man I feel you to the core of my being. In the middle of my vicodin addition, I switched my doc to percocets. That ****is wicked and the withdrawls can be a mother but,....let me tell you something. Although it is harder then coming off of vicodin, it is not impossible.

Now, just think about what you are saying. You said " when you take the pills, it is the only time you are in a good mood" but,..for how long? As soon as you start to get high, you are already thinking about the next couple of pills that you can pop because you know what coming down is going to be like and how you are going to feel if, you don't take somemore pills. You cannot honestly still enjoy that life style anymore.

Although I am no expert, I think you should try to taper with the pills you have left and then drop down to some vic's, taper somemore and if needed do another taper with some Darvons and then just jump off cold turkey. That was what I did and I found it to be a lot easier then doing a cold turken off of the Percocets. I did that once and it was rough!

Can you confide in your physician and ask for help? Are you really ready to stop? Have you attempted to quit before or are you still just in the thought process?

Don't keep putting this off as the longer you wait, the stronger the hold will get on those **** pills.

You say your wife just had a baby ( congratulations ) so she will need to recover for about six weeks and she will need your support during this time period. Maybe this would be the perfect time for you to begin your tampering program. I am not good at tampering measurements but I am sure someone on this board could advise you of the correct amounts to tamper per week based on pills you are currently consuming.

Maybe do a slow taper for three weeks and then start to cut back more drastically during the fourth week, jump down to the Darvon in the five week and then jump off during the sixth week.

Please do not be ashamed and do not put it off any longer. Call your doctor in the morning and make an appointment and ask for some help with detoxing off those pills!

If cannot do go for help then please help yourself. It is hard but you can it is worth it. Don't do it because of the financial hardship, do it for your wife and your children but first for yourself. If you go down who is going to pick you up and you know in your hear that you cannot continue on the path that you are on.

You made a decison to cross the line with these pills so now, make another one to leave that **** alone!

It may take time and you will suffer but the rewards of getting your life back is worth any amount of hell that you may have to go through.

I care about you and I know you can do this. If I can do it, anybody can!

Take care,

Luv ya'

United
There ain't nothing to it but, to do it!