Crying all the time....

[cyt]

I don't mean to sound flippant, but I am of sound mind and body, and I couldn't handle being with my husband all the time!!! I do believe your Mom and Dad need that break from each other. Think about it.

[Sandyspen]

Hi Barb,

I apologize for hijacking this thread..........

But Barb, I wondered if you have a clue about the anti-depressants my mom is on. She takes Zoloft in the morning, then in the evening she has prescriptions for depakote or lorazapam.

She's been on the same meds for quite awhile and they've worked well. But about 2 months ago, she started just crying all the time. Actually, crying......then cursing me for leaving her at the home.

She started calling me every single day, begging to get out, to have all her money delivered to her so she could go to another state and live with her brother. At first, I'd say okay, by the time I visited, she'd forgotten she'd ask for it.

Finally, it got on my nerves so bad that I bought a TV for her room. My brother didn't want me to because he was worried that she'd never go in the living room and socialize. Then she stopped calling and I thought the TV was helping.

Nope. She unplugged it and never turns it on. But when I go to visit, she is angry and mean. The same thing every week. When she sees me she says, "It's about time you showed up. You don't have time to visit your mother."

We go to her room and she starts berating me for leaving her there, after a few minutes she yells for me to "get out." And adds a few choice names for me .....starting with the letter "B."

I leave crying, every week. Finally G, (the owner) told me to skip a week. See if she would forget her tirades and they could calm her down. We've already barred another lady from visiting who always left mom in a rage.

So this week was my visit and I decided to take a new tact. Try to forget the anguish of visiting her, and go in with a smile. I told her we were going shopping and out to lunch. (I had called my brother and he says she just cries on his visits but none of the anger. Cries and complains that she never gets to go shopping.)

"Why would I want to go shopping?" she says, and starts her usual crying and demeaning me. G came back to mom's room and tried to talk her into a nice shopping trip and out for lunch. No way. She wouldn't have it. And when G left the room, Mom closed the door and started in on me. "She wished she had never had children. She wants her money. She's getting out of there. She wants her car. She's driving across country..........on and on......."

I stood up and said I had to leave. She starts screaming,,,"You B....."

And I'm out of there..........crying again.

I don't understand if this is a phase that will pass. I called my brother when I got home and his first suggestion is, "Can't we just let her go back home."

Oh my goodness! No way! She didn't eat. She didn't shower. She didn't take her meds. She ran around to her neighbors in her nightgown, complaing that we never came to see her.

I guess there is no easy answer but this disease is just so overwhelming it makes you desparate for answers and there are none. She called me one time last week and demanded that we bring her car because she needed to buy groceries. It's ridiculous. There are 9 others in this home and mom is the most active. I think the others are much more progressed than mom. Everyone else is content to sit and watch TV, or at least sit quietly. G tries to keep her busy with extra activities, and Mom brags that she is the most helpful patient; she sweeps and folds clothes and they show her room when new ones are viewing the place. All of this is fun for mom, plus the other activities and games they have. Still, she says she's bored there.

I guess my question is; Should I look for another home that has more activities, look for a better anti-depressant, or is this just a stage that she will pass through eventually.

I just don't know which way to turn.

Sorry to be so long............

[janeslk]

Originally Posted by Sandyspen

Hi Barb,

.

I guess my question is; Should I look for another home that has more activities, look for a better anti-depressant, or is this just a stage that she will pass through eventually.

I just don't know which way to turn.

Sorry to be so long............

My FIL went through a raging stage, although it was directed at other residents and nursing staff. He is extremely calm right now, maybe a little too calm.

Anyway, these are the drugs he is currently on and being weaned from little by little. buspirone (anti-anxiety), temazepam (sleep aid) lorazepam (anti-anxiety), Zoloft (anti-depressant), seroquel (anti-psychotic) and depakote sprinkles (for manic behavior).

His raging has stopped, but he was extremely lethargic until they started weaning him off some of them in the past few months. He is 85 years old and was fairly strong when he first went into the AD unit a year ago. He has become so much weaker that even if he would start raging again I don't think he could actually hit someone.

You may ask her doctor if some of the other drugs could calm her. I have read a few places that some of the drugs to relieve anxiety can actually work in the opposite way, depending upon the dosage and the patient. Maybe her present drug regimen is working against her.

Jane

[LuvMyLilDoggie]

Sandy, it sounds to me like your mom is still angry at you for putting her there. But you did the right thing and you did it for the right reasons. You wanted her to be safe, clean, happy and well fed. Good for you for sticking to your guns and not taking your mom back home. You know home is the least safest place for her right now.

Have you talked to families of the other patients to see how their loved ones react when they visit? I ask this because one never really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Is there something happening there that your mom doesn't like? Is your mom crying a lot when you aren't there and no one is telling you or maybe no one knows?

This is a very tough situation for you I know.

You asked about the antidepressants. Zoloft is in the SSRI group (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). As far as I know, it's not widely used for AD with agitation but it did curb my dad's agitation. But Zoloft doesn't seem to be helping with your mom's depression so maybe another antidepressant would help. I don't know if you would want to go the route of sedatives but a small dose of something like Ativan or Restoril might help.

Is there any way that you can get her doctor to play along with you and tell her that she cannot go home and it is not your decision to make? If only you could get her to believe that, it might get her to at least to ease up some on you.

This is a phase and it will pass. But in the meantime something does need to be done to help her AND you. This phase can last a long time or it can pass very soon but one never knows.

I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I remember the pain and guilt you felt when you had to place your mom there. Just remember why you did it. It was for all the right reasons. Reason #1 was (and is) that you love her and are concerned for her.

Love, Barb



P.S. Remember it's the disease that makes her say all those nasty things. It's not your mom. It's the Imposter. Try as hard as you can to not take it personally. Easier said than done, I know. Just try, ok?

[LuvMyLilDoggie]

I just read Jane's post and recently I did read an article that said sometimes patients go the oposite way on certain anti-d's. Remember the kid in Florida who flew a plane into the side of a building? He was taking an antidepressant (forgot which one) and it actually made him suicidal.

Love, Barb