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Originally Posted by Sarandipity
How was I able to stop taking 20 vics a day? In my past, I had always "fixed" my emotions- good or bad- I was at the point in my pill popping career where I was not happy on the pills or off of them- and to be honest I could never just stop taking them cold turkey because it was too painful. I just prayed and asked God to direct me in what to say.... telling you how I got off the pills is not an easy thing to write down in a paragraph. It takes me at least an hour to talk about it. I went to a place in the Hill Country called Lahacienda. It is a 30 day rehab. I checked myself in because I had heard horror stories about people trying to get off vics. So I wanted to do it in a medical setting where it would not be as painful or dangerous. While I was there I heard everything they said- the 4 meetings a day, the counseling, other alcoholics and addict's testamonies. I heard everything. BUT.. it did not enter my heart. So I left there and stayed sober for a year. I was still the same Sara. Sure I was going to meetings but I did not get it. So after I relapsed I lost a 4 year relationship with the man I loved, at the same time that happened I was looking for a job and my company found out so they let me go- and a few other people I had not been truthful with about relapsing I had hurt very bad. I remember crying, I remember the moment of truth when I realized my life up until that point had been all about me. After all it had to be- I was dealt so many bad cards, I had been given the short end of the stick my entire life. (yeah right) you know ... the pity party made me do it!
You get it right? Because when I had finally hurt enough to where all of the things I heard in meetings and in rehab- I felt in my heart too- that's when I had the strengh to do something about it. So I detoxed at home, and did not change the way I treated people and the way I lived until three months after I got sober. I now have 8 months and I have friends now. People come to me because they can count on me! My family loves me! I cherish every moment with my children. Life is grand! I love without expecting to be loved in return. That is how I stopped taking 20 vics a day- it's God's will not mine. For instance there is a guy I just started seeing. I like him a lot. I want to spend time with him. But I prayed, "Lord, if it is not in your will for me to see this person, please let our friendship end now." I don't want to... but I know it's God choice not mine. And it works! I love to wake up everyday and some days I'm tired but I promise you, after 6 months I was smiling.. just because! It's really hard to explain but I'm just happy because.
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God has truly blessed you! I believe that HE has the power to help me. Thats why I turn to him. I know there will be LET DOWNS along the way of my journey. I know there will be ALOT of times that the stress hits really hard and I have to remind myself that ONE PILL changes everything. I was trying to taper down the other day and it dawned on me that EVERYTIME i get stressed I popped a pill. The baby (almost 3yrs old) had spilled a jug of chocholate milk in my floor board and I almost took a pill. I had to reprogram my mind to know that isnt right!
God has worked wonders in my life. in 2000 my daughter was almost 2 and got ahold of my
ELAVIL. The worst meds on earth for a baby to get their hands on~ I was ALONE with her in a small town about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital when I realized what had happend that she quit breathing. I had never had such a talk with Jesus as when I was giving her CPR. She was in a coma for 3 days on life support. THis little baby hooked up to all those IV's and no matter how much I loved her and begged her to wake up...she wouldnt budge. I prayed and cried 3 days straight. I then told Jesus, if you take my baby you are gonna take me too. She woke up the next day. Been fine everysince.
Then I watched my 33 yr old uncle break a "tumor fever" while being baptized. Such a miracle. He died exactly 7 days later, but I watched him give his heart to God before he did go!
And the next year after his death (I had gone WAY DOWN HILL) I was sentenced to 4 months in jail during my 6th-9th month of pregnancy. (drug rehab) I prayed to God then to make the time fly. I missed my girls, who were 3 and 5 at the time. And he did!
We ask God for change and he answers us. But, its seldom in the way to which we seek. The bible says, ASK & YOU SHALL RECEIVE. But the bible doesnt say, bargain with me and I will work with you.
I am glad that you found your inner strength to do this, and that you had the Lord on your side! With him all things are possible!
Keep it green girl.. God has blessed you. 
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