Husband has ADHD please help

COPDAlpha1 · 03-15-2007, 12:56 PM

I have been married less then 2 years and my marriage is fallng apart. He fell at work almost 7 months ago. We have been together 24/7 most of the time. He has been loving, hateful (from blaming me for everything that he thinks is wrong in his life), depressed (to the point of not being able to get out of bed). He's very selfish. Only his needs are important. His theraphist has told me his case of ADHD if quite extreme. We just getted couples therapy.

I think if I don't get a better handle on this our marriage will be history. So if there is anyone out there that is or has gone through this with a spouse please help.

A very sad newly wed

New2ADD · 03-16-2007, 02:37 PM

Welcome and I'm sorry to hear your story. Your husband needs help and is gonna have to face up to it. My ADD issues have damn nearly destroyed my marriage but I've slowly started turning things around. He needs to speak to his doctor about the ADD stuff and possibly adding in an antidepressant. Depression and ADD are commonly found together and if not controlled one will just fuel the other and make things worse. Worse case scenario is your marriage will end but his life will continue to take a downward spiral.
If he can get treatment, along with therapy you should (and he should also) see a fairly miraclous turnaround.

Good Luck!
J

COPDAlpha1 · 03-16-2007, 07:59 PM

Thank you for repling to me. We both are in therapy, however he hasn't checked on his medications for 12 years. I tried to explain that sometimes medications need to been changed or increased due to changes in your life or if the ADD has gotten worse. There are so many things that could happen. He won't talk to me about any of this stuff.

Thanks again
Robin

michael178 · 03-17-2007, 12:42 AM

Are his mood cyclical, does he alternate from depression to an upper, hype type mood, not needing as much sleep, starting many projects, being able to work for as long time, and maybe spending too much. The reason I ask is that there is an overlap between AAHD and being BiPolar. Your mention of depression brings up one half of the equation, manic behavior being the other half along with a cyclical pattern.

One of the problems with antidepressant is that they often take several weeks for them to start working. The brain resists the change the pills want to make, then accepts the new neurotransmitter levels and the depression starts to lift. That is, if the pills work at all. not all people react well to antidepressants.

Also, are you able to accept the fact that your husband most likely has a biological problem, would it make a difference if he had MS, for instance. If so, then you probably should educate yourself to the biological nature of your husband's problem. His problem might affect his behavior, but both still have the same biological basis as the root of the disease. And while behavior often seems intentional and willful, it is not always so, especially when these diseases come into play.

Does his family have any history of these types of depression and ADDHD behavior. If so, your husband might be in need of serious medical, psychiatric attention, and, if so, counseling won't help him.

COPDAlpha1 · 03-17-2007, 10:08 AM

Yes, My husband was diagnosis 12 years ago with ADD and Depression. Yes he has severe up and downs. He has a hard time sleeping. He can work for hours. He's a car salesmen. He fell 7 months ago and was in a wheel chair for months, then a walker, now a cane. He can't seem to finish what it starts. When he does get going he doesn't seem to stop. I was the only one taking care of him these last months. He has been very verbally abusive. He is in therapy, we both are for that matter. Last week we started couple therapy. I have been so depressed about getting into a situation like this at the age of 53, I have to admit I've done a get deal of crying myself. But last week when we saw the therapist I realized I have to learn more about this. I can't excuse his behavior, maybe I can help myself live with it a little better.

I also think my husband might need to be revalulated (sp?) He takes Rititlan, Dapkota, Prozac, and Wellbutin. I take effexor and wellbutin and Lorazepam. I just starting taking Lorazepam and sleeping pills. I feel as if we are getting deeper into trouble.

thanks, Robin