Mama woke up Tues and did not know me

Dean's kid · 06-13-2007, 10:14 PM

I don't know how to make this short. I am new to this board. Mama was ok on Monday and Tuesday morn when I got her up she did not know me & kept asking for the other "girl". She's been living with me since Dec. It has been difficult, but no major problems. She has had a couple of memory lapses, one severe, but she came out of it after a hospital stay. They added Namenda to her meds, she already takes Aricept. Yesterday she seemed much better, but today she has started with the "other" girl stuff again. She is talking some pretty bizarre stuff. Does it happen that quick? I just thought it would be a gradual thing. We has a big bathroom accident this morning at 5:30, she was trying to clean it up herself.... Tonight, as I was giving her her meds, I noticed the bed was wet, then I asked her if her pull ups were wet & she looked at me and said, Oh, yes. Nightgown, robe and sheets all wet. This has not happened before. She appears not to like me very much, so I am assuming she thinks I'm the girl who is not her daughter. I am freaking out. I am an only child, married, and my husband and I have not exactly had an easy time adjusting to this. We are both only children, and his Mom died last year. All Mama's sisters and a brother are having lots of problems of thier own, so no help there. I did get her into a program here that pays for Day Care, but she hates to go and it is a battle every time. She is a heavy smoker (60 years, and don't EVEN go there about quitting), and all she wants to do is sit and smoke. She also has macular degeneration, no hobbies and no interests. She does not participate in anything. I have not thought about any kind of support group until Tuesday night, when I found you. Anything you can tell me will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

savv55 · 06-14-2007, 02:36 AM

The decline can be quite rapid in some cases. Both of my parentswere diagnosed with AD last year though we have known for some time that mom had some sort of dementia. My mom has been slowly getting worse over several years. My dad seemed to have a very rapid decline over only one year and in just a few months he went from functioning at a fairly high level to being very confused, unable to count, operate the tv or telephone or write. His speech was becoming more and more difficult and only close family could understand him. Then he got a cold and collapsed. He was rushed to hospital and it was found he had a bladder infection (UTI) that had become septic as well an pnuemonia. He may have had the bladder infection for some time and unfortunately he did not recover. Others who write here will possibly talk more about this as it seems quite common that when there is a rapid decline, infection can be involved.

There are many people on this site going through or have been through what you are. I have only been a member for a short time myself but you will probably hear from many veterans with so much good advise, support and encouragement. Good luck.

Shirley

Martha H · 06-14-2007, 08:24 AM

First of all, you are not alone. All of us have been through a similar situation, and/or are still in it now.

Dementia is a dreaded diease with good reason. The patient becomes irrational, and often does not know what she is doing. Your Mom does not do any of these bizarre things on purpose, and it takes a huge amount of patience and undertanding to accept it and let it go. I tried for years to 'reverse' Mom's dementia by explaining everything, being very pedantic and controlling and making her life miserable (out of love!) by correcting her, explaining, etc. It reminds me of a little boy in a cartoon saying to his Mom, 'please, just give me a quick spanking and stop EXPLAINING!'

I lived with Mom for 5 years. In the end Mom had to go to a nursing home where she is well cared for and happy. Don't fall into the trap of thinking only care at home is acceptable. It's not. You are on a 24/7 shift, and no personnel in a NH works such long hours. They come into their shift fresh and ready for anything, they are trained, they know what to expect. It is expensive, but when Mom's money ran out we were able to get her on medicaid, which now pays all the expenses. All they get is her whole social security check, minus a small allowance for haircuts, etc.

Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility of long term care for your mother? One of my aunts was in a lovely 'group home' in NC, where she was well treated and very happy. In fact when my cousin took her home for a weekend, she was always in a hurry to get back. When she died the whole staff of that small home came to her funeral. She was not well off. They accepted her SS check as full payment.

Meanwhile you can come here to vent and cry when it gets to you - and it will.

Love,

Martha

Dean's kid · 06-14-2007, 08:42 PM

Thanks yall. I'm glad to have a place to learn more about this disease from those who have been there. I appreciate what yall had to tell me. I know that she will eventually have to go to NH, but have such mixed emotions. She went to a NH short term for rehab, after her hospital stay. I visited every day, and dreaded to go and dreaded to leave. Felt so guilty for both reactions. I thought that it was just as bad as having her at home til she came back home

... She was better today, but there is still another "girl" who takes care of her, but today she knows I'm her daughter, I think. Taking you advice about constantly correcting her, makes sense.
thanks again

tsohl · 06-14-2007, 09:12 PM

I am also an only child and brought my mom up here after my father died suddenly and it became obvious that she couldn't live by herself. I thought she could live with us, but it quite quickly became obvious that wasn't going to work. After a short time she became disoriented and started thinking she was staying at a bed and breakfast. She'd try to pay for her meals and I soon realized she didn't know who I was. She became a bit paranoid as she saw lots of things that looked familiar to her (like furniture and china she'd given me when she moved to Florida) and she thought I was trying to take over her daughter's life. This went on for several months while we made preparations to move her into a facility for those with dementia. The interesting thing is that ever since we moved her there has been no confusion over who we are. She recognizes my husband and me as soon as we arrive for a visit.