Ways to Cope with Caregiver Depression

[LuvMyLilDoggie]

Hi Vicky!

I'll just say I've been there and done that with my dad, my grandma, my grandpa, an aunt and a still undiagnosed uncle.

Can you get your parents into an assisted living facility? They might be willing to go there if they could go together.

If not, talk with your siblings and their spouses, any adult in the family. Negotiate what will be done, when and by whom. For instance, your sister will take care of the shopping and cooking. Someone else will take care of the cleaning and laundry. Someone else will take care of doctor visits and finances. Everyone who can MUST pitch in. Every little bit helps. This way everyone knows what their particular responsibility is and no one is stepping on people's toes.

The only ones who should feel guilty are those who CAN help but are just sitting back and watching. You shouldn't feel one bit guilty! But I still understand your feelings. Let go of the guilt. Know that you're doing the best you can and accept that. Caring for elderly disabled people is much harder than raising a child. And we all who have children know how hard that is!

The number 1 thing you MUST DO is take care of yourself! This is not a selfish thing. It's a necessity! As you're seeing now, you cannot go on caring for others first and neglecting your own health. If you become too sick to care for your parents, who will do all that you've done for them? You must take care of yourself first. Then you can help others. I'm not saying don't do anything for your parents. What I'm saying is get the family together ASAP and talk to each other. You should let them know how burnt out you are and that you need for them to help you. Discuss options (home healthcare, assisted living, etc.). There will probably be disagreements so go into it knowing that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Remain calm. But make your stand on this one thing-you need (and must have) more help.

If no one is willing to step up to the plate, you'll of course have to find other options. Could your parents friends or trusted neighbors bring dinner for your parents once in a while? Or take your mother shopping? Maybe light housekeeping? Just a couple of ideas.

Hope this helps.

Love, Barb

[babychild]

You are all so very kind and understanding. I am just feeling so lousy lately . I had a CT scan today, and found out I have a large stone in my right kidney . As they say when it rains it pours. Thanks to all for listening ! Keep my family in your prayers.....Vicki

[Martha H]

Dear Vicki.

I wish you a speedy recovery from the kidney problem. Are you on medicines to dissolve the stone, or are they going to do it with ultrasound? I hope it all goes well and you'll be feeling better again. Meanwhile you have every reason to reduce your responsibilities with your parents and let others step up to the plate!

Love,

Martha

[LuvMyLilDoggie]

Vicki, you and your family are in my prayers. Try to rest as much as you can. Take care of yourself!

Love, Barb

[babychild]

Thanks Martha & Barb,
I will find out on Monday what the course of treatment to be used for the stone. Hopefully meds or some type of outpatient tratment. I have been battling it for about 6 months thinking it was my colon . I am hoping that when I feel better , the stress won't be as hard to deal with .

Then dr started my Mother on RISPERDAL. I don't really know what to expect from this drug . Anyone have any expierence in adding this with Aricept? She has been a little agitated lately, so I am assuming it is to try to calm her. Home Health RN called dr after I mentioned Mother's agitation to her, and this is what they added. Hopefully it will help. She does have areally hard time sleeping at times.

You are are a great group... Blessings....Vicki