Reach & Michelle - Hi, yes, it's me South.
I recently had a name change. Thank you so much for your support! I really need it right now, as before. Especially because of the guilt that I'm feeling for using again. For me, I obviously cannot take anti depressants, therefore, I feel I have no choice, but to take small amounts of the vics just to get me through this hump. Then, when the time is right, I will do a very slow taper - hopefully it won't be too long and difficult as I'm hoping to keep my dosages very low. I only take it when I start to feel drained or really bad. I do not want to get to where I'm watching the clock and everything I do evolves around those dam* drugs. I have chosen not to share this information with my daughters as I'm sure they will not understand and may not speak to me because of the fear and disappointment they may feel - which would be completely understandable. I cannot let them down anymore.
I still feel proud of myself that I went ct at home and made it this far. I've learned that with as many as I was taking and for how long, it probably was not the best choice in detox, but I've never been thru this before and as Maggie said, for many of us, it's all or nothing. That is the type of person I am. Now I realize that I must taper when the time comes......and now I know what to expect, hopefully not as bad though - and will be prepared.
My daughter leaves tomorrow and I will miss her, but my other daughter is here and for that I am thankful. This experience has brought us much closer and I am also thankful for that. I did receive some good news today......the foreclosure hearing to set the sale date has been postponed until mid-October, which means we won't have to move until
at least mid-November.
It is such a relief and maybe karma in that I reached out to my mom and she beat me down, again (figuratively speaking) and because I took the chance, this is my reward. I don't know - I do really believe in karma and I am definitely relieved that we have more time. Now I just need to get a job and stick some money away to move. I'm feeling good about that, so its a start............
I really want to thank you guys for your support and words of encouragement, sorry to sound redundant, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I'm not a big computer person, but I look forward to coming here, reading.....learning......sharing....... ... it has been a tremendous help for me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!!!
P.S. Maggie - I hope you read this and know that it's me, South. I am sorry to hear that you've not been feeling well either. I hadn't been here in a little while, but was worried when I returned and hadn't seen your presence. I know how dibilitating migraines can be and especially with you being in the middle of your taper. You will get there Maggie..........please be strong and let us know how you're doing. How's the pup?????? Mine are well - helping me through this! I don't know what I'd do without them!! BTW - Cornnuts have a new flavor - Chili Lime, if you like spicy, they are so good! I can only find them at 7-11. I thought about you when I purchased them!!!
I have to run - we are going out for dinner to celebrate my daughter's birthday.
Hugs to all!!!
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