Lizzy
Wrecking havoc with our bodies is not a casual endeavor. As I have gotten to know you through your posts, I honestly sense an abandon of sorts when you write about the drug use. I know you are still relatively young, but not a child anymore. The anorexia was and is all about having control over something in your life. And yet you choose not to exercise any rational control over drug use. It is hard for me to understand this.
It is not a game anymore, Lizzy. You stand on the edge of a cliff and just keep inching forward. It is time to stop it. Time to stop trying to control life... it isn't going to happen. We need to work with Life... in a responsible way. Stop eating the Norcos and Percocoets.. eat a balanced diet. It is a simple premise and work must be put into making the premise a habit, same as you have made pills a habit. Respect yourself, learn to cherish yoyrself and give thanks that you have been spared death thus far. I fear for you that grace isn't going to be with you much longer if you do not put a sincere effort into changing your thinking.
We practice our habits and imbed them into our thinking. With the same work as we put into imbeding bad habits, we can work to imbed good habits. No, it is not an overnight job. However, until a start is truly made, an ending cannot become reality.
Please, Lizzy, start the process of learning to value your life. Others value your life, but it is fruitless because you will not allow the love and caring in.
reach