Hello Tim
Welcome to the board. I know posting about this took courage. For me, it took courage, but also brought a great sense of lifting some burden off of me because Bam! I told the world I had a problem. I put it out there and that was the impetus to move forward in resolving it.
I've been prescribed xanax, lorazapam, etc. as well but had to stop all within a few days because they caused very bad vision issues even in its lowest doses.
Friend, this is a blessing in disguise! Honestly, if you think it is tough trying to come off the opiate Vicoden, then be glad you have no idea what it is like to come off benzos ( Xanax or Lorazapam). I have tapered off both and the taper from the benzo stiill has my eyeballs twirling somedays. I finished the taper in mid-June. If you aren't on them, stay far clear of them. I believe a better choice in coming off the Vicoden would be a medicine like Clonodine, a blood pressure med. (NOT to be confused with Klonopin, a benzo!). Clonodine, while I have no personal expeience with it, is a blood pressure med that helps control the sweating and anxiety associated with narcotic withdrawal. It is often prescribed to those withdrawing. I did not have it prscribed simply because I was already on Toprol XL, a blood pressure med prescribed after a heart attack.
I'm a 36 year old male with a wife, 3 year old son and 2 very successful businesses that I own with over 100 employees. I should be proud of what I've accomplished but for some reason I'm not. If anyone would find out about this it would devastate them and business relationships. I need to be a constant figure of leadership & strength. This takes a toll mentally and physically.
Of course you should be proud of what you have accomplished! I think you have lost your ability to have pride in yourself because the drug problem has become a greater issue than your accomplishments. I, too, fell into a state of feeling worthless in my pain of abusing opiate painkillers and Xanax. Friend, I fell into a state of being totally non-functioning and I gently tell you that that is exactly where you are headed if you do not seek intervention now. Now.
Start by reading one of the lead threads on thios board titled, "Sample Home Detox." The preparation for detox can begin tomorrow. Preparing your body with the supplements and vitamins suggested will go a long way in getting you physically and mentally ready for the hard task of detoxing and moving into recovery. Read, read, read on this board the many threads. Go back days and read. It will help you learn what you are facing and the knowledge will serve you well.
Set up an appointment with a doctor. I started with my family doctor as he knows me best. I went to specialists as he saw fit. Others start with addictionologists ( usually a psychiatrist who has special training in addiction). There is not one doctor who will even blink twice at your story. Not one. One of the best parts of telling a doctor is the huge sense of relief that comes that the burden is no longer some dark hidden, tormenting secret we shove inside. I believe every board member would tell you the same. Look for the evidence of this in black and white as you read through the threads, okay?
If anyone would find out about this it would devastate them and business relationships
Tim... again gently... it makes
you feel devastated. No one else will be devastated. Your family may feel badly for you, but
you are the one feeling devastation. That is why you can't feel pride anymore.. devastation is a stronger, more overwhelming feeling. The
only shame in all of this would be if you do not start getting proactive about the problem and finding resolution. Unless you do, you will no longer have a business to run because the Vicoden use will just continue to escalate. Tough thoughts to face, but I tell you true. I did not face the issue in time and after ending up non-functioning, I had to retire after 20 years from work that I love. Today, coming up on a year later, I finally am able to persue employment again and thankfully in the field I was in for so many, many years. I did it, you can do it, many, many before us have done it. Please get started.
Okay, now that I have taken your post apart like a grammer school English teacher (Chuckles), I want you to know that I wish you the very, very best. You are worthwhile and a great contributor to society. Do not let Vocodin steal away anymore from you. Do not let shame and embarrasment stop you from all the help that is available.
Hope to see you post again
reach
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