hitting rock bottom... depressed and scared.

[scoobagirl]

You sound pretty young, Miyu, and I would like to share my experience with you. It sounds like you really are taking your asthma seriously, and that is good. However, you must stop smoking. You also have identified cigarette smoke as a trigger to your asthma attacks, so you really have to educate the smokers in your life about how serious this is for you. And, as I think you already understand, it may mean that you have to eliminate or at least cut way back on how much you see them.

It sounds as if realizing this has brought you a lot of stress and anxiety, which also can trigger your asthma attacks. Learning to manage these feelings is hard, and you will need to learn to cope with this.

I'm in my 40s and grew up in a smoking home. I had chronic ear infections, bronchitis, and allergies until I got married and moved away. Once I got away from cigarette smoke, I noticed some new problems - I got short of breath around cats, and also sometimes when I smelled newly mown grass. (we know now this was asthma) My first full blown asthma attack came when I was cutting the grass, and it had me shut down for about 6 hours. You know, "sipping" little breaths and standing with my arms propped up on a doorframe to get air into (and out of) my lungs. After that I carried a primatene inhaler from the grocery store for the very occasional "tight" feeling I would get.

My oldest son was constantly sick with colds and allergies and wheezed a lot. He wasn't actually diagnosed till he was 6 years old. When he was 9 he had a critical asthma attack that led to 4 days in pediatric ICU and another 3 days on the floor. We nearly lost him that first night. Over the next 5 or 6 years he was in the hospital at least twice a year, spring and fall; we could watch his condition deteriorate during allergy seasons till he needed steroids and IVs. He used daily meds and nebulizer treatments with pretty good results. It got to the point he couldn't go to his grandparents house because of the smoke. After a year or two of that, my dad quit smoking (of course Daddy had emphysema by then...) and my son could go back over there again.

When he got into high school, he did ok until he started hanging around with smokers. His girlfriend's family all smoked, and he was there all the time. It was pretty bad when he started taking his nebulizer over there so he could do a treatment when he got wheezy. We argued and fought about this all the time and I worried constantly, but he went without a hospitalization for over a year so we thought maybe he was outgrowing it.

When he finally had his last attack, he had been at his girlfriend's house for about 6 hours, and he went down unconscious (he had never done that before). The EMTS and the ER worked on him for over an hour but never got him back. He died from his asthma, even with regular meds and treatments, because he wouldn't stay away from things that triggered the attacks. This happened 10 years ago, in 1997, when the standard meds were prednisone and serevent, and albuterol.

My asthma is well controlled with Advair 250/50 2x daily, Singulair every evening at bedtime, and a very very occasional use of the albuterol inhaler. I work out at Curves 3x weekly and walk for exercise. I do have wheezy spells when I'm around smoke (cigarette, wood fires) and when I run sometimes. I also have to avoid breathing really cold air (cover my mouth and nose with a scarf).

I'm not trying to scare you because I know you take the asthma serious already. I just wanted to tell you that it is so important to avoid the things that trigger your attacks. And something one of the EMTs told me a long time ago: they would rather have a cardiac patient than an asthma patient because the asthma patient is more critical - they can have a cardiac arrest OR a respiratory arrest at any moment if they are having serious trouble breathing and if they stop breathing it is truly life-or-death.

And yes, it is depressing to feel so dependent on meds and to have to be so aware of everything you do, so you can avoid an attack. Not that you have depression, but the blues are very normal for people with chronic illness. You are allowed to have bad days, ok?

Keep posting so we know how you are doing. I will be watching for you to post again.

Hugs,

Jeri in Texas

[miyu]

Wow thanks for your post. Reading that was really hard, because I know what your son was doing, that is what I keep doing, because I’m so used to having asthma. I stay in the situation because I’m having fun.. but my asthma is out of control. I know this happened a long time ago, but when your son went down unconscious, did anyone do CPR until the EMTS got there?

I just took my first aid and CPR, and that is what got me all freaked out about it. hearing these scary stories. And finding out that everything I was doing was wrong. Like your son I just kept taking my meds over and over, because I used to it, having this.. and out of control asthma is normal for me. I would have never done anything about it if I didn’t take that course. And then I found out if you keep taking you meds, and it still doesn’t get better after 4 puffs, or a nebulizer, you need to go to the hospital. Otherwise what happened to your son, could be the path I was heading.

So I’m so glad I took that course, I mean if I didn’t I wouldn’t be bothered with my asthma, and that trip to the hospital wouldn’t have happened. I would have just managed it with my meds at home. I would still be on the same path. Since I went to the hospital, my asthma has already improved (just a little), but its not enough, So I have an appt with the asthma specialist on Tuesday. Again, I can relate a lot to what your son was going through, because I refused to go to the hospital, or leave the “triggers” before when I really needed to. I’m so glad and feel lucky that nothing bad happened to me, I also feel stronger now, like nothing bad is going to happen now that I’m more educated and willing to take control.

The smoking thing… I keep cheating… its really hard to quit. They say you really have to want to. But I feel like the asthma is making me quit. But since I have “quit” I have noticed a bit of improvement as well.

[scoobagirl]

Hi Miyu, yes the dad did CPR until the EMTs got there... it was an unfortunate situation. I think you are exactly right - when you are having fun its easy to ignore the wheezing, and to keep thinking that using the inhaler again and again will eventually kick in.

I'm glad you're quitting the smoking, you really will feel much better.

hugs,

Jeri in Texas

[miyu]

Ok, so I went to the asthma specialist today, and WOW, I never had a doctor who seemed to care so much!! He even gave me his number if I had any asthma questions, I can call and ask. It was so nice, because with a doctor you book an appointment, and if you ask to many questions, they have always gotten frustrated saying how busy they are. Lol but he made it clean taht this was not an issue, I guess I explained to him, even though I have had asthma for 19 years no one ever really sat down with me and looked at everything. They just told me not to smoke and to take 2 puffs of this med twice a day.

He wants me to continue taking QVAR rather then advair because I ran out of advair and went back to quvar and my test was fairly good as he said. And I have only been on it for a week. So and he mentioned all the different drugs and which ones he would try if I continue to be out of control. Many of them I have already tried, but he also talked about putting different ones together and how the work for different types of asthma. And I asked about how safe that was and he explaind that too. As well as side effects. I really don’t feel like these drugs are that bad for you, which is another good thing, I would feel better and stop taking my quvar or advair, because I was scare of them. So this was really good for me to feel good about them so I can worry more about how good I feel and how important it is to continue these meds so I can always feel good. And he said we can lower the amount in the future. Or make gradual changes.

He asked many questions about triggers, and being sick, and he informed me about each of them, like he asked me “do you get sick often” and I said yes, and it seems to always go to my lungs, like bronchitis. And he explained how the cilia is damaged by the tar, from smoking, so it can’t move the germs out of the lungs like it should, so they stay in the lungs trapped. And how its the same with my qvar, it can also get trapped in the lungs and not work properly. And how quitting smoking is really good for that and I can get it back under control. It was very good and very informative. And he wasn’t liek “STOP SMOKING its stupid” but understood how hard it is, (because I keep cheating) and gave me new ideas on how to quit.

They way he helped me to get my asthma back undercontrol seemed to make sence, and he gave me a diary to keep track of my peak flow how I’m feeling, how much I cough (if its waking me up at night) how much ventolin I’m taking. What other meds I have to take some days because of bad allergies. What kind of allergy symptoms, And by seeing if my peak flow is going up and down, and not steady straight line. We can find out what the cause is, and fix it.. I guess...

So I spent an hour and a half talking about how to control asthma, when to know an emergency, getting out of situations that are bad for my asthma, how to remember to continue taking my qvar even when I’m feeling better. He asked me what other things I am doing to help asthma, (other then drugs) and I told him I’m detoxing and exercising, and he encouraged me to continue. But made sure that my exercising wasn’t to hard on my lungs.

So I feel really good about this. And I will continue to keep track of everything.. I kind of have to obsessive about it so I don’t forget any days to write in my diary. And I have an appointment with him next month. And then again after 6 months. I kindof hope he will keep making check up appointments, just to make sure I don’t lose control again. I mean I don’t always have to do my peak flow, but it will be nice if I’m forced to for one month every 6 months, just so I can show my doctor how I’m doing. Or even pass this on to my GP to take over once his job is done. Because the way I got so bad was gradual, so I didn’t even notice that I was getting worse until it was really bad.