What I thought this section was for I guess is wrong. I am diagnosed with severe Major Depressive Disorder with Psycotic features, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Right now I take Effexor, Wellbutrin, Remeron, Lithium and Temazapam. I deal with high levels of paranoia and will self harm when everything becomes to much. I had a rough childhood with every type of abuse possible by multiple parties. All of stresses, emotion, feelings and whatever I pushed down way inside. About five years ago my father died, my grandfather died, I graduated from college, moved to a new town, got married and started a stressfull career and I continued to push everything down and not deal with what was happening around me. I started to get sick a lot from stress and then my wife and I had a baby. About two years ago for whatever the reason my lid came off and everything came flying out. I spent two months in a mental hospital where they tried to get my meds regulated and I underwent ECT. I got out of the hospital and a few months later my wife left with our child. Its been about a year since that happen. My risk factor for suicide is way up there, I deal with suicidal ideations on a daily basis, it is a constant battle to get up to do anything. On a emotion basis I don't feel anything which ends up leading to self harm. I have tried therapy but for whatever the reason they are not equipped to deal with someone like me so I stopped looking. Right now the goal is to get to tomorrow. With depression especially severe depression you have to force yourself to do everything and if you don't the depression gets worse. I am 33 and I need to tell myself what to do like I am a child or else I will not do it. I have to tell myself to eat, to go to bed, to shower and to leave the house for part of me would never get out of the bed unless I was forced too. I am going on two years dealing with this outbreak if you will and to be honest not much has changed from the beginning. The pills make it possible to get out of bed and to fall asleep at night they are useless for everything else.
take care
trg247
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