Fear, withdrawals are aweful

[NY 1009]

Hi Captnanny,
welcome to the new beginning of your life. If you werent' feeling uncomfortable at this point, you wouldn't be detoxing. think of it as a beginning of a new and better life for you. you may not feel that right now being you're feeling so horrible, but remember this..... it passes. the pain, the ill feeling does NOT last forever. our minds think we're going to stay that way forever and then we panic and then wind up taking the medication again to feel normalized.
actually it's not normal to feel like you have to take medications to live a good life.
I am on methadone beccause I wasn't able to kick the withdrawals all by myself like you are. I knew it was going to be exchanging one addiction for another, but at least Id be able to keep my job, get up in the morning,sleep peacefully at night without having horrible leg cramps all night.
then I gradually went down in dosage thru 7 years SLOWLY. no rapid detox for me again.
I've always dabbled into some form of drug all thru my life. not a constant thing but on and off. I snorted heroin and thought I would'n't become addicted to doing it that way. I've never shot up before in my life and never will.
but a drug is a drug regardless how it's ingested.
I thought I'd be able to do the drug just on weekends every now and then. and before I knew it, my body started getting sick without the drug and i found i needed more and more of it.
I realized I was in trouble. I didn't want to lose my life and lose my dignity.
no one ever plans on becoming a drug addict. it just happens. and it happens so quickly. there is no such thing as doing any drug in moderation to feel good.
I was determined to learn how to feel good in life and love life like we did when we were kids.
we come out of our mother wombs without the need for substances to make us feel good because we feel good on our own.
we didn't need coffee to wake up as a child, nor have to put smoke into our lungs to give us energy, nor did we have to take pills to feel good. we felt good all on our own.
I told myself I want my body back to the way it was when I was a child. drug free and free of anything that is harmful to the body.
we CAN do it. IF you want it badly enough, you will do anything to reach that goal. nothing will stand in your way. believe me. I am testimony to that. and I don't feel like a strong person either. some say only if you're strong can you do it. that's bull.
it's the mind that makes you do things. it's the mind that makes us feel like we can't do it.
remember, the feelings shall soon pass. everyone's detox is different than one another because we all have different bodies and problems.
here are some things to do while detoxing. you dont have to follow them all, just pick out the things that you find easiest.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. I'll try to help get you thru this the best I can. That's how much I KNOW you can feel better again and start to enjoy your life on your own. you might need some assistance with therapy and with some type of anti depressant or anti anxiety medication.
some people's brains don't produce enough chemicals to feel good, especially after doing harmful drugs, so therefore you might need to get on those types of meds that restore the chemicals that you may not be producing normally.
it's ok. it helped save my life. I remember when the medications started to work for me.
I was sitting in our car at a park eating a wedge and potato chips with my boyfriend and our dog. I heard the children laughing and playing and people were playing base ball. all of a sudden this veil was taken off my eyes and I was able to see the sunshine and the plants that were just budding, becaue it was Spring time. I could smell the fresh air and I felt so happy inside.
I hadn't felt that way in what seemed years!!!

and to think I actually fought taking those medications from my therapist and family dr's for years. I wished I had taken them sooner.
they said because of my imbalance emotionally, I turned to drugs to self medicate. they said I have bipolar which I don't think I do. I know I have GAD, which is general anxiety disorder, not like panic attack anxiety and I have post traumatic stress disorder too which I didn't know i had. all these mental things added up into one and there fore made my life harder to live.
here are some suggestions during the period of your detoxing. remember, your body is getting rid of the drug. it's a good thing to sweat all those toxins out. drink plenty of water when you can.

Here is what helped this person when she detoxed off Vicodin, Valium, & Halcion years ago:

~ Rest as much as possible. Even if you can only sit down for a few minutes here and there, grab it.

~Immodium for diarrhea. Eat bland food and stay off dairy until your tummy settles down.

~Antacids-they seemed to take the edge off the burning in my stomach.

~Cheerios-I kept a baggy of them in my purse and munched on them to ease the queasiness.

~Heat bags/pads-helped with the aching joints and muscle spasms. Felt really good to lay one of those heated grain bags on my tummy or chest.

~Ice packs-use on the back of the neck for headaches.

~Ibuprophen-used for pain. Take with food and only if tummy can handle it. Be cautious of Tylenol if you took meds with it in it to excess.

~sunglasses/hat-for light sensitivity which triggered migraines. Lightly tinted glasses for the house. Reduce glare anywhere you can in your home.

~ear plugs-for noise sensitivity and to help sleep at night.

~music-soft, happy music seemed to distract me.

~TV/radio/internet-I made it a point to not watch or listen to anything negative on the media. I didn't read the paper for months. I read only as much positive media as I could.

~positive friends/family-I asked my very closest loved ones to indulge my need to let my nervous system rest and asked that they put anything negative on hold for a few months. That was hard to do, but very helpful.

~limited outings-I drove as little as possible and avoided crowds, stores to avoid getting sick to protect my stressed immune system.

~beta blocker-to reduce my high blood pressure.

~calcium/magnesium supplement-for calming the nerves a bit.

~ positive imagery-even at my most miserable, I tried to spend a few minutes each day imagining wellness and a happy life/whole body. I gave thanks each day for my life and for every day clean.

~blankets and pillows-I had them on the couch and bed-ready for moments when I could crash for a few minutes. I think flannel is especially soothing.

~tea-hot tea w/out caffiene helped soothe.

~water,water-drink enough water and soak in a warm bath or linger under a shower. helps with the achiness.

~sunlight-if my eyes weren't too sensitive, I went outside and let the sun get on my skin for a while-it does help the moods.

~anti-depressant-mine helped more than I realized! I tried detoxing off them,too, and felot really awful, so I went back on them and will stay on them for a while.

~gardening-once I was strong enough, I gardened and found that it was very calming and uplifting to my spirit.

~ noise reduction-my heart pounding in my ears constantly was noisy enough-I reduced the noise in my house as much as possible, whenever possible.

~relaxing the standards-I knew I wasn't going to be up to par for a while and learned to just forgive my messy self and home.

~aromatherapy-I slept with a little bag if lavandar seeds for months! For a while, my sense of smell was so acute that many odors were noxious to me, so I wore perfume I loved all the time to 'counter' the icky smells of the world.

~cotton-cotton sheets, blankets, clothes and jammies help during the sweats. Baby wipes for freshening up quickly. Whenever I changed the sheets, I thought about how they represented one more night of being clean. And how the sweat was my body's way of purging toxins.


Oh, and of course, check with your Dr. about any meds first!


best luck to you,

Linda

[reachout]

Good Morning Captnanny

What a great post from Lintek. So many, many good coping tips to use during the withdrawal stage. I was struck during my own withdrawals how very autistic-like we become in the symptoms of withdrawal... light too bright, sound so loud and distressing, crowds too hard to handle. I have studied autism.. always had an interest in it because occassionally I would encounter and work with high level autistic kids in education. This is what many of their receptors in their brains are like constantly because of the autism. The world around them is full of harshness with sound, color, light. Too much to bear for many. And that is just how withdrawal was for me, coupled with super high anxiety that felt so fear-filled. I employed many, many of the techniques Lintek listed and I am very grateful for her entire post. (Thank you Lintek).

The physical restoration, Captnanny, happens in very small stages that can be hard to recognize. I kept a detailed (And I do mean detailed!) log with my first taper for many, many weeks. That is the only thing that forced me into really accepting I was getting better. I logged the amount of crying, and the duration of it, all day long ( among other things). It was only because I could see the proof in black and white, written by my own hand, that I knew for sure that I was honest-to-goodness getting better in those baby steps. It is not an event, but a progression, Captnanny. A progression that is so hard to see in the early days, but does become more and more apparent as the days and weeks move along. for me, there was no miraculously startling day when I awoke and said, "OH! I AM HEALED!" It was more a series of times when recognition came that I had done better over the course of the present day than I had for the last few days. The body, the brain, the spirit... it is awe inspiring the ability these things have to heal in us. Just total awe. It just takes time for this fantastic progression to get completed. Like learning language.. we start off with a few 'mama's' and dada's' and are not complete until we progress to rambling off ten word sentences. And it took us time to get there.

The healing is happening for you, Captnanny. Try to stay in the here and now and put effort into recognizing a baby step here, a baby step there during the course of the day that signals the progression is, indeed, moving right along. At some point, the baby steps turn to toddler steps, and then, eventually, to full and confident strides.

Focus on the Hope, Sweetness
reach

[captnanny]

Thanks for all your posts, especially Reach and Link. I too have PTSD and am taking antidepressants that do help. I believe that this is true withdraw and I am so scared to go down on the norco. I went from 50 mcg of fentanyl to 8 norcos a day. On monday it will two weeks and am thinking I should go down by a half. I have not brought this up to my doc yet, is it too fast? I don't know, I want off this stuff so bad, I am already detoxing A LOT and have to go back to work twice a week next week. Monday was so hard, I am already freaking out over the "possibilty" that it might happen again. I have to stay in the moment. Here right now in the present. Monday is not for five more days. Today my back is spasming, my stomach is in cramps and I can not get myself to take a shower, sorry for the details but honesty. I did go to the grocery store to get a multimineral and gatorade. It was hard because it's the day before thanksgiving and it was a mad house.
I will keep up the posts, and I am starting a journal today. I also will use some of the tips that link pointed out.
tat thanks for being there.

[tat2duser]

Hey Cap.... Here was how my taper went this time around....maybe it'll help ya a bit.

For yearssss I was on THREE 80mg Oxycontin a day, with anywhere from TWO to EIGHT or TEN 30mg Oxycodone for breakthrough pain. (and yes, in between this I had attempted Fentanyl for three months.... 150 mcg every 48 hrs.) The day I ran out was the day I went to my doc appointment and learned they were closed (bas**rds!!). So I went to my GP, and all he would give me was 120 10mg Oxycodones. So I went from the 3 80's and lets say 10 30's down to 12
10mg's Oxycodones a day to start. Let me tell you, day one was absolute HELL. Vomiting, the runs, chills, sweats, shin pain and restlessness....you name it! I stayed on the 12
10's a day for a few days - and day THREE I started to fee human again. The pukes n runs were gone, but the headache and depression remained.... I then went down to 8 of the 10's a day, and day 4, 5, and 6 were actually not that bad - just a little shin pain and restlessness in the legs remained, and on day 7 I went down to six a day for the reainder of my 'stash'. Day 8, 9, and 10 were amazing....I couldn't believe that I was already starting to feel human again. So....now we come to day...ohhhh, I think it was 11 or 12 and I was OUT!! I feared the worst, but I actually believe that the initial switch from the 80's & 30's to the 10's was the 'big hit' for me. Yeah, I was a little sick from the CT, but in no way was it as bad as the first big drop. I had another 5 or 6 hours of the runs and sickness - and a full 48 hours or so of the restlessness and aches (pretty bad) - and here I am on day three of the Sub and I feel AWESOME! And I mean awesome. I coud have never in a million years have dreamt that the Sub would be that good. Have you ever entertained the thought of trying Sub? It *is* a little 'spensive,, but I tell you, worth every penny.
But anyway....sorry to have babbled as much as I have....I just wanted to give you a little in sight as to how the taper went for me.
Hope you are hanging in there....and keep us up to date.... Because one thing I have REALLLLY noticed, is that everyone on these boards care....realy care.
tat*

[NY 1009]

What a wonderful group of caring people here. I find that most of us that are hurting inside and out are the best and kindest people I"ve come across in life.
they understand life more, they have more compassion for others and have a better understanding of life.
we're more sensitive than others and it strengthens us some how. we don't seem to see that right away but the best part comes when we've reached our goal.
I want to wish you all a happy thanksgiving.
you're doing just fine captnanny. try not to think ahead. I tend to do that all my life and still do. Your memory remembers how uncomfortable you were that day, which means it may not be like that again, because every day is a new day. every moment changes and never ever stays the same. you can't go backwards and you can't go forward into time. the only thing you should be focusing on is now. but it's extremely hard to control our thoughts. the brain is such a small organ and it causes so many problems for us. thought can cause us so much problems and we worry about tomorrow or days ahead when that day hasn't even arrived yet. I feel if we can get through that barrier, than maybe things would be easier. My life is very complicated and never seems to be a dull moment in it. I"m trying to change that with all my might and find it very tiring at times.
I found some information that helped me and maybe it will help others too.
this is some info on addiction and dependency.


Addiction: Addiction is a neurobehavioral syndrome with generic and environmental influences that results in psychological dependence on the use of substances for their psychic effects and is characterized by compulsive use despite harm. Addiction may also be referred to by terms such as "drug dependence and "psychological dependence. Physical dependence and tolerance are normal physiological consequences of extended opioid therapy for pain and should not be considered addiction.

Analgesic Tolerance: Analgesic tolerance is the need to increase the dose of opioid to achieve the same level of analgesia. Analgesic tolerance may or may not be evident during opioid treatment and does not equate with addiction.

Chronic Pain: A pain state which is persistent and in which the cause of the pain cannot be removed or otherwise treated. Chronic pain may be associated with a long-term incurable or intractable medical condition or disease.

Pain: An unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage.

Physical Dependence: Physical dependence on a controlled substance is a physiologic state of neuroadaptation which is characterized by the emergence of a withdrawal syndrome if drug use is stopped or decreased abruptly, or if an antagonist is administered. Physical dependence is an expected result of opioid use. Physical dependence, by itself, does not equate with addiction.

Pseudoaddiction: A pattern of drug seeking behavior of pain patients, who are receiving inadequate pain management, that can be mistaken for addiction.

Substance Abuse: Substance abuse is the use of any substance(s) for non-therapeutic purposes; or use of medication for purposes other than those for which it is prescribed.

Tolerance: Tolerance is a physiologic state resulting from regular use of a drug in which an increased dosage is needed to produce the same effect or a reduced effect is observed with a constant dose.


have a happy one,

sincerely,

Linda