New to being a spouse to an addict. Please help!

[lotsofemotion]

I am new to this addiction life. My husband just admitted to me last week that he is addicted to Lortab and he wanted help so the next day he admitted himself into rehab. They have him on Ultram to help with the pain. He has had 5 knee surgeries on the same knee and this last surgery in May is when he became really addicted he said. He told the doctor that he has taken them for the fun of it about a year ago but became addicted in May. He was taking anywhere from 10-14 a day. The thing is not only was he getting them from the pain management doc but he has been buying them from someone else and that person has been calling his cell phone! He is supposed to come home Monday from rehab and he is doing great he says but i am concerned because i have been reading your threads on the ultram. Is it possible that he can become addicted to those as well even though the doc says it is non-narcotic and not addictive? What do I do about this guy who has been calling and his cousin that has introduced him to the person and how can I trust him again. We have 2 kids and I am just scared about all of this and don't really know how to handle this. Any suggestions or comments I am desperate!

[Yossarian22]

hi, my thoughts are with you - it must be a very emotional time for you im sure. 1. Can you change his cell number/sim card so that this person cant call? or have his number deleted from the phone and the persons number blocked from ringing it? 2. i know this might sound harsh but trust is going to be difficult and is something that you will have to build back up again. i have no experience of the drugs you have mentioned, but i feel that addiction is the same whatever drug you are taking. while using i lied/conned/stole to keep my habbit going and kept it a secret (after admitting it initialy & pretending to be rehabilitated) you have to be strong, keep your wits about you - and your intuition/instinct IS normally right.

The flip side of the coin is that none of this will apply to you and that your spouse has been succesfully rehabilitated and has a speedy recovery. i hope that this is the case for you. in any case You are the one that needs to be strong - i know it sucks but there just doesnt seem to be the support out there for the addicts partner - keep reading and posting on this board as the support and advice you will get from it is worth its weight in gold.

i genuinley hope that things work out for the best for you, keep your chin up.

keep on keepin on

yoss22

[tat2duser]

<whew> This is a tough one. Yeah the Ultram is addictive - I don't care what anybody says. They actually gave me Ultracet my first time around getting clean (which is basically the same stuff), and it DID overcome me a did the other opiates. It is very minimal, but there IS some opiate in it (if I'm correct - please tell me if I'm wrong).... It is also very tough being partnered with an addict. I went through relationship hell my first time around.... I wasnt married, but was with someone for about a year, and when I finally got clean, I realized that I didn't like her that much. I know that sounds horrible, but it felt that my feelings for EVERYTHING changed when I went from one life to another. You're going to have to work hard on things - that's for sure - but the first thing you need to do is get that guy to stop calling. Also, give hubby an ultimatum - tell him if he continues using, that you're out. Make him realize that you and your children are MUCH more important than those little round demons.... 10-14 a day isn't really a HUGE amount (well, it also depends on the strength) - so it shouldn't be all that bad to get off of them.
But as I always say...YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE right now.... This board is awesome, and you will find a ton of people who care - and who can help you through this.
So God bless.....good luck....Happy Turkey Day.....and keep us posted!!
tat*

[granny0]

Hey Ms Emotion,
On your husband's behalf, I have to say he did the right thing. He fessed up about his addiction and sought help through rehab. I'm sure that took a lot of courage for him. I never admitted my addiction to anyone but the people on this board. I went cold turkey from pain meds and have been clean 3 months. He will be struggling when he comes home. He may get very depressed. I did. I'm sure the rehab will send him home with the emotional tools he needs to get through this. Be supportive of him and try to understand that he is going through a very difficult time in his life. I've taken Ultram before and compared to the Vicodin it did not make me "feel good". Do what you can to keep the bad people away from him. I'm not good with cell phones, but I think there must be a way to block callers. Maybe call your cell phone company and ask.
Best wishes,
JB

[oh-notagain]

hi ms emotion. and welcome.
one of the best things you can do for hubby when he comes home is to encourage him to continue his recovery with some outside support. a therapist, AA, NA. anything to keep his mind on recovery and keep himself busy with making it work for himself. thats the hardest part for us, the addicts. to stay sober once we are free from the drug. the emotional and mental addiction is much worse than the physical. so this is hugely important. yes, he will most probably suffer some sort of depression, that is normal. he will also suffer with cravings, and that is normal and treatable, with support. with therapy. with the twelve steps. so i really really encourage you to help with this. look in your phone book for the AA or NA central office number and call. they will send you schedule books for meetings in your area.
have him find a good addiction therapist to help him find the root cause of his need to use in the first place.
also, ultram is addictive, so i sincerely hope that he is not sent home with any. he should not continue to take them or he will have another addiction on his hands....
i wish you and hubby the best of luck. please keep posting. we DO want to know how you are doing and help the best way we can...

Take care,

michelle