Home Care - When is it needed?

[Kimberly528]

My mom (82) and dad (78) live alone and have been getting along ok until recently, when my mom is suddenly exhibiting dementia symptoms, including hallucinations and thinking it's 1980. It lasts a few hours or a day, and then she is mostly ok again. She was withdrawn, sleeps alot, not dressing, and refused to leave the house in months. We finally got her to the ER, and they admitted her, gave her a full workup, and other than some bronchitis, have not found anything physically wrong. She is now in rehab (her lower legs where swollen and she was unable to walk by the end of the hospital stay) and on aricept and wellubtrin. She is getting structure and interaction there. She is suppose to be there a couple of weeks. My great fear is, that when they release her, and she goes back home, they fall into the same bad pattern of my mother being withdrawn and spiraling downwards. I think it would be good to have a home health aide come to the house a few times a week to force her to get dressed and interact with her, if my dad cannot get her to leave the house. Does anyone have any opinions here? I don't think they require a live-in, and they seem resistant (right now, anyway) to go to AL.

[Martha H]

In my opinion this would be a GREAT time to have help come in. You can tie it to the hospital stay, and even say the hospital recommened it. (after 7.5 years, I am now fully committed to the use of 'little white lies'' in order to make things go smoothly ..when we had a Home Health Aide we told Mom "Medicare pays her" when actually we were paying - but then she would never have agreed, and she NEEDED help!)

Just having someone to bathe and help her dress every morning is so great - she herself will feel better when washed, combed and properly dressed. It's also important that someone supervises the meal preparation (my Mom began to forget things on the stove and let pots burn) and be sure all required medicines are taken at the right time and the right amount. It is a great relief to the family to have help doing these things.

Good luck with it.

Love,

Martha

[DGabriel10]

I agree with Martha. This is the perfect time to introduce help in the home. Dad ended up in the hospital and we told Mom the help was for him. It was for him but it was for her as well. I am a firm believer in saying what you have to say to get to the end you need. We eventually replaced the twice a week Medicare allowed help with someone that came in 5 days a week that helped with medication, food preparation, and getting them up and out of the house. It worked for about a year until they had to be placed in Assisted living. They will resist but you have to do what you have to do to get them the care they need. It will take some of the pressure off of you and everybody wil be happier if you get the help they need.

Know I keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with your parents.

Love, Deb

[Beginning]

I agree that it's a good time, and thought the idea of telling them that Medicare would pay for it is great. If she's disoriented or confused at all, extra care would be desirable. My husband had been home alone until his test scores showed that his impairment had reached "severe" (stage 5-6), but he appeared to be functioning at a much higher level since he was so good at covering up. I was frightened when I read someone's postings about a family member drinking a household cleaning fluid, thinking it was juice. While my husband was more likely to sit in a corner until someone got home to pour him juice since he was afraid of making a mistake, it was still a scary possiblity!

I told my husband that I was hiring a housekeeper who would assist him with personal care (although he's been very cooperative through his illness). I don't actually ask the lady to clean, since I'm not paying her a huge amount. If she just makes him lunch, keeps him busy and helps him select clothing, keeps an eye on him to make sure that he doesn't do anything dangerous, and walks the dog with him for exercise, I'm happy.

My husband is also in day care a few days a week. They keep him busy assisting with other patients, and the day care program has activities and great well-balanced lunches. It's actually cheaper than having someone in the house. The center has many elderly patients and a nurse is present a few hours every day. Some patients are in wheelchairs, and some are mobile. Some are recovering from strokes, some are on oxygen, some have Alzheimers....you get the idea. While some of them have serious medical conditions and don't talk much, others are very social and play cards, watch old movies on a big screen tv, slice & bake cookies as a snack...it's a great place. I get a monthly report on his activities and health signs. Last month he actually gained weight, probably due to all the goodies at the center! I know that many peoples don't like the idea of going to one of these places every day and losing control of their own lives, but based on my experience it can really add to a patient's life. Checking with an elder organization may give you some pointers to places in your community that offer day programs. Your Dad might offer to volunteer while she's there. You can tell them it's a senior citizens' program that needs volunteers, or whatever might get them out of the house. The caregivers are well trained at helping patients to interract to the best of their ability. My husband now looks forward to his days "helping" and has made friends there.

[AlzheimersCare]

Every recent clinical study shows that home care should be the first option looked into for Alzheimer's care. Sadly, physicians still seem to be stuck in the 1950's and often suggest nursing home care as the first option the vast majority of the time. Any of the larger national franchised home health care companies are good options for alzheimer's care.