Caretaker for gramie:-(

[DGabriel10]

I so wish that my parents didn't have this horrible disease... especially my Mom. So quickly it has turned a vibrant happy lady into an angry shell of herself. For now, we are all following what she taught us. You air your differences, agree to disagree, and get over it. We are all very opinionated and vocal which leads to episodes of loud disagreement but after the dust settles we go back to working together. For now it is working but I do see fractures that are slowly growing. It takes a lot of hard work on everybody's part but I hope we can hold this together for the duration.

Except for the two I mentioned before, none of Mom or Dad's nieces and nephews pay any attention to Mom and Dad. They both came from large families with 7 and 8 siblings and many nieces and nephews. Beyond those two..... it is the X-wife of one of Dad's nephews that stays in contact with Mom and Dad.

Carsam and Dingoes, I am so sorry that you and so many others are having to deal with family members that cannot stepping up for their loved one. As I have said before. We can only control ourselves and know that others are doing the best they can with what they have at the moment. Bless you both for having the wisdom and compassion it takes to take care of the ones you love.

Love, Deb

[JulJul22]

Carsam,

No need to be apologetic. It makes me feel allot better to hear others stories as I realize that things could always be worst and to live every day as if it were your last. Deb-it makes me so happy to hear that your family is stepping up and showing some compassion for the ones who brought them life. Also for the grand children as I know it does help them to better understand life and sets a positive example that will help them more than you will ever know.

I feel lucky to have this time with my grandmother. It’s amazing when I look at her because I see so many things. I see a frail old woman that can no longer walk but I also see a strong, stubborn woman that likes things her way or else. Lol It’s still very hard for me as I know that she wanted to live the remainder of her life at home. If I had some help from my family, I could have taken care of her. I know that I shouldn’t dwell but, it seems as though she is declining rather than doing better. She walked into that nursing home and never walked again. They keep her in that high chair and that’s where she sleeps and stays all the time. I have talked to her doctor who looks at me like I’m a crazy because I still look like a teenager and doesn’t take me seriously. They have YET to start her on an Alzheimer’s medication and they say that it won’t help anyway but, they do have her on agitation medication.

I’m just so frustrated and worried for her. It’s as if they don’t care about her well being at all! I’m just not happy with her care.

[Dingoes]

Jul, medication may not help. Aricept acted like a wonder drug for about a month with my grandmother and then she declined again, faster than ever. But if you're not happy with her care, don't be deterred by doctors who think you look young. Keep after them and be a pain in the behind -- they'll listen to you eventually just to shut you up.

My grandmother also declined dramatically her first time in rehab and I don't expect this time to be any different. But declining is a major part of this disease. My grandmother spent her last week at my house bravely trying to do what she always had -- walk, toilet herself -- but she just couldn't keep up the effort. I don't expect her to ever walk again, no matter what they try in rehab. I think she's pretty much given up.

That said, she still recognizes me and still has a semblance of a conversation with me so about all I can do while we work through the maze of finding her appropriate care is visit her, give her a kiss, and let her know she's not forgotten.

-- Tracie

[carsam]

Hi ladies.....
I think I'd be right in assuming this, but I wanted to say that I find alot of comfort reading the posts on this board. I normally post on the Depression Board, and there are wonderful people there....but there truly is compassion and kindness here.
My mom is heading over again to see my grandmother and to potentially give my uncle a break for a few days. I honestly have voiced my opinion that this is a "bandaid" solution, and when she comes back, it will be exactly the same. A couple of days rest will not matter next month.....they will only help for that time period. Either the rest of the family needs to pull their weight or well....I just dont know anymore. They have tried over the past couple of years different meds.....they say that they have to be careful with sleeping pills due to her age. The anti-psychotic medications for the hallucinations, can cause depression. And the anti-depressants can cause hallucinations. At the end of the day....she is on something milder. Diazepam I think.
I get emotional thinking of the woman my grandmother once was....and what she is today. And it's funny....I used to be afraid of dying.....but now I'm afraid of getting old.......sad really.

Deb....I read your other thread, and wanted to say I really feel for you dealing with two parents in this situation....that is really hard.....and I so admire you for how you get through it.

I feel blessed to have found this board.....

Thanks ladies.....

Carsam

[DGabriel10]

I'm with you Carsam. Dying does not bother me but growing old is scary. I do appreciate your comments Carsam, especially in the other thread. Sometimes, when my world is upside down, I do wonder if I have good sense and have a handle on the situation. When what I say strikes a cord with someone it does give me the validation I need to go forward. I doubt myself often but only as far as to question the validity of what I am doing which makes me take a fresh look at things. I have also learned that there are some things I cannot control. I cannot stop the progression of this horrible disease. I cannot contol the way others react to ALZ. I can only do the best I can with what I have to work with at the moment.

I have read about your situation Carsam. I know your uncle is over extended and doesn't have a good way out. You have family that can not or will not help. I am going to say, since I spent over a year taking care of Mom and Dad.... every minute you have help is a blessing. A few days of sane conversation, some time away form his Mom, can be just what he needs right now even if he has to go back to the way it was. Bless your Mom for being willing to give him even a brief respit.

You can do nothing to change your Uncle's dedication or your family's inability to help. I know you worry about your grandmother... as well as your uncle and your mother.... but there are somethings that are out of your control. All you can do is give the support that you can and then you have to let it go. When you have done all you can, then you have done all you can. That's how I get through my day :-)

Hope your Mom has a good trip and can be a support to your uncle if just for a little while. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers....

Love, deb