Enbrel, Anyone?

[angel_bear]

I know quite a few men who have wives suffering Early Onset and I suggest you do some research on Early Onset, because it can come with very different complications than later onset. Have ALL possible tests been done to confirm AD because Early onset isn't typically Alzheimers, it's usually one of the other's such as pick's disease.

The men I know vary in their emotions. One is in complete denial, and forces his wife to be 'his wife' if you get my drift, he forces her to exercise, forces her to take a ton of 'health pills', when sadly enough, she is still deteriorating before our eyes and nothing is helping.

The other gentleman broke his heart by putting his loved one into a nursing home, BUT she get's the best possible care. She no longer walks or talks anymore, but he is by her side every morning, assisting in feeding her, talking to her, showing photo's. We've begged him to reduce his visits and to move on with his life (he's only 52, she's 51, she was diagnosed at 41). He has reduced his visits to 5 a week instead of 7, and stays from 10am to lunchtime instead of 8am to 3pm.

Acceptance is hard, but inevitable unfortunately. There are medications that can slow down the process of the disease, but do you really want to? Does your wife? I understand your anger. This was NOT part of your hopes and dreams when you wed! This was NOT the way you anticipated your eventual retirement. You want your wife back, whole to continue life as you planned!

I know in myself I have told my family that if diagnosed, I want OFF all medications (including by BP & thyroid med's) and to have nothing but pain killers if necessary. I want to die as quickly as possible so as NOT to put my family through long-term he11.

Some people don't want to hear that, but it is the thought of many MANY people I know going through watching a loved one go through this insidious disease.

And grab any help offered with both hands, because the more you can share the load, the less the load will be to carry. My heart and prayers are with you all.

[ginastanford]

Hi there. I'm a newbie to this site and have been reading the posts with interest and if I'm honest, they terrify me of what to expect. My mother was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers in 2006 - she's only 54, which breaks my heart. She's on medication, which seems to help. So far the only things that she does is repeat a couple of things every now and again and sometimes she gets 'stuck' on a word or name but then it comes to her. My dad is taking it really hard I think - he doesn't really talk about it and tries to laugh it off but I'm really worried about him. I have a 7 month old baby, which my mom looks after during the day while I work - and she does a fabulous job. I find that it helps her structure her day and stick to a routine. I'm scared of what the future holds though. I'm scared of losing my mom and I'm scared of the long term effect that it is going to have on my dad and my brother as well as myself.

[Martha H]

Dear TE,

Try to put yourself in your wife's shoes just for one day.

How do you think SHE feels?

Love means you will do whatever is best for her. You will learn and grow and become a more caring person. You will become the best man you could ever be. You will even thank God for the challenge. Later you will find a new love.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

M

[Beginning]

If you dig into your heart and determine that you really can't handle this, you might have to face that you're not able to face what's coming. Consider getting some counseling, talking with your religious counselor, whatever. You're going to need to talk to a lawyer about getting the living will and other documents in place anyway, so you might discuss your other options. Whatever you decide, though, you will want to be calm and not acting in the anger stage. If you decide you can't handle it, honor your wife enough to see what you can do to ensure her care in the future. Even if you decide to leave her and divorce, you will be responsible for alimony/spousal support. The person on her legal documents like her power of attorney needs to be selected now, while she may still pass a competency test -- and you'll both want someone who will be there through the entire illness.

I want to make clear that I am not criticizing. This is something that I thought about too when my DH was diagnosed with early onset. In fact, both my DH and I discussed the best way to preserve some assets, preserve the family, etc. and did consider whether divorce might be a good idea even if we continued to live together. I'm in it for the long haul, but that was a personal choice. I don't criticize anyone who can't do this, because caregiving is incredibly tough. All you have to do is read the posts on this board to see what people go through, and some of the posters clearly have earned their halos and angel wings multiple times.

I know that my DH would not have wanted me to give up so much of my life, if he truly understood what was coming. Yeah, no sex. Yeah, no money. Yeah, no-one to talk to in our home (except a teenager, which can be like talking to a pet with attitude, and two college kids -- and we can't dump personal stuff on our kids). Yeah, no fun. And my DH might live another 5 or more years. So I symphathize. I understand the anger too. Consider reading "Death and Dying" about dealing with terminal illness. Anger is identified as one of the very natural stages, but you don't want that anger to affect your wife's treatment or quality of life. I can guarantee that stress does make an AD patient much, much worse.

Talk to the Doctors about the prescriptions too. Many of them have bad side effects, but some of this might be helped by changing the dosage or trying a different drug in the same family. My DH couldn't tolerate Aricept, for example, but Reminyl worked better for him.

[TEBozo]

Thanks, Angel Bear.