Hi friends

[arlingtonaddict]

I, too, am very sensitive. I still strongly reccommend the book -- for both of you. It's about identifying things about US -- not 'flaws', just traits that make us more sensitive/vulnerable to these situations/relationships. The only other thing I'd reccomend is EXACTLY what you're doing (which is quite rare, BTW, kudos to YOU) YOU are taking her feelings of hurt seriously, espectfully and not simply dismissing them based upon YOUR opinions nd/or 'comfort level'. Some times, the best thing to do is willing to be 'present' for someone WITHOUT increasing their stress by trying to FORCE them to feel better, being able to manage our feelings of anxiety (etc.) in order to simply be 'present'.

And if you think about it, just like our terrible w/d's, this period is pain and loss may help inspire her to make different choices down the road. This, however, is not at all the time to talk about that with her but, never the less, it is possible.

Finally, when you think about it, this is better than the alternative. Meaning, it sounds as if you have a sweet, caring daughter which, unfortunately, along with all the good things thisn leadsn to, it also leads us more vulnerable to grief. However, frankly, I'd be way more worried if she dated someone for a year and couldn't care less, you know?

Jessica

[jules3]

Jessica, thanks for your help..your words were tremendous to me..very helpful..She is hurting real bad,but you and i know with some time she will feel better..as her mom, i am crying along with her because i know how she felt about this guy..so here she is 19 with a brokenheart right in the middle of midterms..Thanks again, i will order the book today..

[arlingtonaddict]

Jules,

You're welcome -- it always feels good to get out of my head and try to help someone else. Going through w/d's is so hard and, o top of things, has made me hyper-focus on myself (better myself then the pillz but still not good) and it is a HELP and a PRIVILEDGE to try to help someone else out.

Hugs, Jess

[Ivorygirl]

Originally Posted by arlingtonaddict

IG, As a psychologist, I an attest to the fact that iit isn't some dumb 'pop psychology' nonsense.

"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.

It won't make her 'better' in terms of grief (not some 'quick fix') BUT may help divert a PATTERN, a future string of losers.

Arlington.....thanks for stopping by and the wonderful advice.

Just a little update for the two of you....there have been some interesting developments!!

My daughter came downstairs just before going to bed in tears saying that her BF broke up with her (I tried to hide the relief and think that I did a pretty good job of it) They have been fighting alot over the past 3-4 months....she seems to have been hanging on to him knowing that if she didn't have him that she wouldn't have anyone else to take up her free time (sadly that is true because she seems to emotionally make it that way)

Anyway....for quite sometime she has complained about him not enjoying his company but hanging on still. This time she was upset but told me that she wasn't as upset as in the past when they almost broke up. I think it is because she is working on using that upsetment to figure out ways to "fix" him for breaking her heart!!

I don't know exactly what is going to happen from here.....last week they took a break from one another and it only lasted a few hours.

So.....I think I will grab that book and see if she can read it in her free time.

I do worry because she did end up in the hospital after breakups with guys but that was before she was diagnosed and treated & she has been doing well in terms of stability so I hope that it won't affect that. She did complain of having some visual hallucinations while trying to go to sleep and even said herself that she thinks that they are coming out of stress. She hasn't had them for a few weeks now since lowering the Seroquel.

We see the pdoc tomorrow and will figure things out with him I guess.

Never a dull one around here!! Tomorrow should be interesting!!

~ IG

[jules3]

ig, my daughter is not bp..but shes extremely sensitive and soft .i have to tell you she is taking this breakup so hard, shes away in school, we talk a few times each day and shes sobbing always..i made a therapist appt. for her next week..the problem here is that he turned into her best friend , they weere together a year..so shes feeling a void.and doesnt know what to do with it..she put way too much into it with him..shes devestated...keep an eye on your daughter please..i ordered that book yesterday..its probably good for every young woman to read..hope everything goes well for her today..try your hardest in your best way to keep her from NOT going back to him..