Update on mom - neurologist/social worker

[marypar]

Hi, my mom lives alternately with two brothers and she had a stroke in february. she is now back home and I debated whether or not to take her to the neurologist since there is no cure. Her geriatric doctor said just take her once since she had the stroke. I took her yesterday and he said she is a miracle since there is hardly any ill effects from the stroke as she can talk, eats more than ever and her personality has changed drastically from accusations/saying she killed people/rummaging/cursing at me her loving daughter - she is now sweet again, eats alot and obedient - though she needs more assistance with everyday things. The neurologist talked me into bringing her back in May for a Neurotrax test to see how far she has progressed and then he can changed the medications - what do you think about that? checking her and then changing the meds - he mentioned Xelon and some with an R.

Also, the social worker tried to talk me into sending her to daycare - my sisters in law really don't want to drive her there and back and last time she went she caused a big problem and had to come back home. Should I feel GUILTY (as I do for everything) if I don't pursue the day care stuff. She said it is for stimulation but I know my mom is happy to relax around the house and watch TV and she has loving people around her. Does she really need that to live longer????? I don't think there is one near my sister in law in Levittown or North Bellmore L.I.

So I am asking you wonderful ladies two questions: the neurologist test - can it help her and extend her life changing meds or is he trying to make more money? and should I feel guility about not pursuing day care.

thank you very much again for your insight and views on the above.

maryann

[marypar]

Well, her geriatric doctor said I don't have to bother with the neurotrax test since it's not going to change anything and even if the neuro changes the meds to Xelon or Ris... they work the same as aricept and namenda - so I think i am going to cancel. I really don't want to know about stages - just want to go with the flow. She also said as long as mom is with people during the day, daycare is not necessary unless no one is in the home. So she said not to feel guility about that too. Hope you all agree with the doctor. maryann

[gemini1961]

Hi Maryann,

First of all, your not supposed to feel pressured into doing anything. If it's not sitting right with you, then go with your gut instinct.

The appointment with the neurologist won't hurt ... at least you will know where you stand with Mum's health. As for prolonging her life, well that depends on her level of dementia ... because I really wouldn't want to keep somebody alive who wasn't 'themselves' the majority of the time (seeing the torture Alz. victims go through I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy)

When it comes to daycare, perhaps her level of dementia is no longer able to tolerate large groups/intensive noises/group activities and that might be why she played up before. The social worker doesn't SEE mum in these situations, and as much as it might be a good idea in her eyes, in reality it's a whole different ball game.

Go with your gut.

:-)

Cheers

[DGabriel10]

Mary, all you can do is go with your gut feeling because you know your Mom. Don't feel pressure or guilt because there is no manual that tells you how it should be done. It is up to you to do what you think is best.

Another neurological test will not change the outcome. In my opinion that is more for the family members than the patient. For each new procedure or medication you will have to ask yourself..... Is this going to improve Mom's quality of life? Then follow your gut feeling.

As for Daycare, if your Mom would benefit from the socialization and stimulation she receives then it might be a good idea. If she get socialization and stimulation where she is then it may not be of additional benefit. If your sister in law needs a break it might be a good idea. If the change and confusion of a new setting upsets your Mom it may not be a good idea. These are question you have to ask and then come to your own conclusion.

Toss off the guilt if you can. Know you are doing the best that you can.

Love, deb

[marypar]

Thank you ladies, I spoke to her doctor again and she advised it's not going to benefit mom by having that neurotrax test - mom would probably be frustrated sitting 45 minutes being grilled to answer questions. It won't change anything for her and any new medicine could have adverse affects on her. I want to leave her in peace right now.

As far as daycare, my sisters-in-law rotate months so they each get a month off - I have heard absolutely no complaints from any of them and my brother's want to keep mom at home as long as possible.

The doctor also said that it's normal for mom to rest alot and not to worry - she came out of her stroke - I took her out today after the doctor and we went to IHOP and she ate everything on her plate -

I am starting to realize that this is my mom - this is the woman who raised me, cleaned me, made me who I am - I have to see this person as that person - it's been hard getting there but I think I am almost there. But this realization is making me more sad and I want to cry because now I feel she may have inner turmoil and suffering inside and keeping it to herself. She realizes she forgets and most of the time remains silent even though she can speak okay - and the neurologist talked about her disease in front of her which is something I never said to her and now if she understood, she knows what's going on. Yet, she never says to us "I know I have alz."

thanks again