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Therapy has hit a dead end as the Borderline aspect has kept all of the so called mental health professionals away as I am deemed to difficult to treat so apparently there is different levels of being mentally unwell and if you pass a certain line your pretty much outcast. I still put effort forward trying to figure out my own head and to see if I can make sense out of it as I guess from a professional standpoint I am alone in this fight. When I first became ill I thought with enough work by me and the help of local community resources it would not take long to get back to where I thought I wanted to be but close to three years later I understand my illness to a much higher degree but I am no closer to that original goal. My favorite saying as of late is severe depression is like walking on water either you force yourself to move forward or else your going to drown. Well I am moving the problem though is its in circles.
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I remembered a discussion I had with my Psyche in the hospital.....he told me that borderline is resistant to therapy, that not too much can be done in the way of medication, and that this is the reason that the mortality rate for borderline is so high. I must have looked terrified of something, because that's when he offered me the privileges to the Doctor's library.
I feel like I have come a long way, but I'm not cured...I don't think I'll live long enough to undo the damage that was done.
Your original goal was planned, before you had the understanding. Now that you understand, the original goal maybe isn't feasible.
You don't just walk away from a breakdown unscathed. Resources are lost. Physical, and mental resources.
Jan
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