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Old 02-11-2008, 07:49 PM   #6
trg247
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: sudbury, ontario
Posts: 3,736
Re: The short version of my story

I guess I should update this as it has been awhile. I am approaching my third year anniversary of the time I had my nervous breakdown which led to the situation I am currently occupying. Not much has changed in the last few months Nardil I guess was working to a certain level but no where near what I had hoped for. It was stopped due to the drug interactions and my need to get some dental work done and like usual I paid dearly for that decision. I am trying to figure out whether I am actually still fighting the depression or I have resigned to the fact this is how my life will be from now on so I might as well get used to it. I still keep track of my moods to discover any patters but I am really not sure why I continue to do this. Therapy has hit a dead end as the Borderline aspect has kept all of the so called mental health professionals away as I am deemed to difficult to treat so apparently there is different levels of being mentally unwell and if you pass a certain line your pretty much outcast. I still put effort forward trying to figure out my own head and to see if I can make sense out of it as I guess from a professional standpoint I am alone in this fight. When I first became ill I thought with enough work by me and the help of local community resources it would not take long to get back to where I thought I wanted to be but close to three years later I understand my illness to a much higher degree but I am no closer to that original goal. My favorite saying as of late is severe depression is like walking on water either you force yourself to move forward or else your going to drown. Well I am moving the problem though is its in circles.

take care
trg247
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:08 PM   #7
Pri Lily
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,111
Re: The short version of my story

Quote:
Therapy has hit a dead end as the Borderline aspect has kept all of the so called mental health professionals away as I am deemed to difficult to treat so apparently there is different levels of being mentally unwell and if you pass a certain line your pretty much outcast. I still put effort forward trying to figure out my own head and to see if I can make sense out of it as I guess from a professional standpoint I am alone in this fight. When I first became ill I thought with enough work by me and the help of local community resources it would not take long to get back to where I thought I wanted to be but close to three years later I understand my illness to a much higher degree but I am no closer to that original goal. My favorite saying as of late is severe depression is like walking on water either you force yourself to move forward or else your going to drown. Well I am moving the problem though is its in circles.
I remembered a discussion I had with my Psyche in the hospital.....he told me that borderline is resistant to therapy, that not too much can be done in the way of medication, and that this is the reason that the mortality rate for borderline is so high. I must have looked terrified of something, because that's when he offered me the privileges to the Doctor's library.

I feel like I have come a long way, but I'm not cured...I don't think I'll live long enough to undo the damage that was done.

Your original goal was planned, before you had the understanding. Now that you understand, the original goal maybe isn't feasible.

You don't just walk away from a breakdown unscathed. Resources are lost. Physical, and mental resources.

Jan
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Old 04-22-2008, 06:47 PM   #8
2littleangels
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: USA
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Re: The short version of my story

I am sorry you are going through this... please update us again... I fight with myself in my head a lot... with my thoughts I mean. Hang In There
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Old 04-26-2008, 01:05 AM   #9
trg247
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: sudbury, ontario
Posts: 3,736
Re: The short version of my story

There really is not much of an update. At the moment I am taking Seroquel three times a day at 100mg per dose plus an additional 50mg when needed. My depression ranges from being almost annoying to days when I spent all my time trying to combat the negative thoughts that are racing through my brain. The only positive thing is I have used my illness in a way that reaches out and helps people understand what it is like when your living with concurrent mental disorders.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with depression is there is no certainty in when it is going to finally go away, the medication is a crap shoot that may bring relief or it may cause more problems. Also the system that is in place in my country is not meant for people with my level of illness so I seem to spend a lot of time battling the health care system and trying to make sure i do not slide through the cracks.

I am not going to throw in the towel and just give up for I know the damage it will have on my sons life and for now that is the reason that will keep me going along with the hope that by somehow revealing my soul it will help someone else in their fight against mental illness.

take care
trg247
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