I need opinions, please....

[Laner]

deb,
Sounds like to me you feel guilty leaving your Dad. But stop and think for a minute. First of all you have been his caregiver for 2 years without a break. Caregiver burnout will effect you as well as your support group. Once you get burned out it is hard to bounce back. If you are all your Dad has then it is much more important to get a break every now and then. It's time you had one. This can effect your health and you need time for you, so that it don't. So, go to Vegas and recharge your batteries. Your Dad WILL be OK for a few days! Then schedule another break in a few months. The breaks will help you in the long haul. Be sure to see some shows and walk down the strip. Go in several of the casinos and also go to the old part of town, where the Horseshoe is. When we go we have Las Vegas Limo pick us up at the airport. For about $75 you have a driver holding a sign with your name on it, waiting at baggage claim. Have him give you the ten cent tour of the city. Hope you win lots of money in vegas.

Good Luck,
Laner

[skimps46]

Wow. Thanks, y'all. I guess I'll go on vacation.

You know what this job needs that I don't have? Confidence. I have never had much self confidence, and now, I am not only bereft of confidence, I am pretty sure I am schmaltzing up everything.

Example: This trip is EVERYTHING to my family. My concern? That "others" will think I am abandoning him to go live it up in Las Vegas. What if social services catches wind of this? What if he falls? What if....ad nauseum. Truth be told, the neighbor NEEDS a few bucks, dad likes her, she lives feet from him (about eight, to be exact), she will see to it that he eats and does not forget he let the dog out, he does not know (thank you ibake) the difference between Monday and Tuesday, and he will either be fine, or not. Either way, I need to reconnect with my husband (yes, there ARE other women out there and I don't want HIM to figure that out), my son (how many times will he be 12?), my daughter (thank you, honey, for the trip), and maybe myself (???).

Another example of my lack of confidence: Dad is forever talking about his bowels. From what y'all have said, that is common given his situation. But. When he says he is constipated ("bound up" are his words), do I take him at his word and give him some Miralax? Is it bad enough to require a laxative? Do I call the doctor (who I am sure hates me because I call for stuff like this)? Does he have something raging in there that needs to be addressed? If I give him a laxative, will it cause him to have other problems like low potassium? AND ALL HE SAID IS THAT HE'S BOUND UP. I tell ya', I think I am losing my mind sometimes. He seems so fragile that I am afraid that something as simple as an ExLax will kill him.

And while I seem to be on an obnoxious roll, I would like to give a shout out to my 50 yr old brother who lives 4 states away. You visit when I send you the money to do so and you stay 3 days. You accepted a very large monetary gift from dad when you were here 3 months ago, and when I called you and asked you to fly out and take care of dad so I could go on this little vacation with a clear mind, you said you would get right back to me within the hour. Since then, you have not returned any of my 6 phone calls, my 8 emails, or the myriad of messages I have left you. I know you're ok, because I see you online. But you are avoiding me like the plague. You don't call. You don't email. You don't give a damn, do you? Thanks, bro. Thanks a lot.

Ok. I'm done. I think I will go eat some chocolate ice cream now. With nuts. And thank you ALL for the support. I truly don't know what I would do without each and every one of you. You have rescued me from myself so often...

hugs...

deb

[Martha H]

Have a wonderful trip and stop worrying abut your dad (easier said than done, I know).

As to your brother, he needs a wake up call. Don't ask him if he would please come - tell him the dates of your next trip and say you will assume he is going to be there.

Bowel obsession - I suggest you assume his digestion is working just fine but he forgets. As long as he is not bloated and doubled over with pain, they are moving just fine. Ignore the complaints, or use my old trick with Mom when I had no answer to her many questions, "Oh really?"

Go and have FUN!

Love,

Martha

[DGabriel10]

Yes Deb, pack your bags and have a great time. Social services will not lock you up because you have someone else watching your dad for a few days. Your Dad will ask where you are and all the sitter has to say is that you will be back later. Later has no time frame and when all the laters are done you will be back home. Make sure to leave your Dad's medical cards and information just in case they are needed but know they will probably be just where you left them when you get home. Another question..... where are those others that might think you have abandoned your Dad? Are they coming to your rescue by watching your Dad so you can take some time off? Look in the eyes of your family when you tell them you are packing and all those worries will fade into the back ground.

As for your Dad being "bound up", he just forgets he has gone and also expects to to more than is possible for the amount of food he eats. Martha is right. Unless he is bloated or in true pain he is ok.

As for your brother... shame on him!!!! At least he can be man enough to explain his unwillingness to help his dad and you. Avoidance is the cowards way. I am glad you have found a way to go without him. Now he can wear the guilt for this trip!

Have a bowl of ice cream for me. I have dropped 50 pounds since Mom and Dad moved to AL.... I'm a stress eater!! I will go get one of my 15 calorie popsicles!

Enjoy yourself Deb......

Love, deb

[carsam]

Hi Deb.....
Of course I agree 100% with what everyone is saying!!!! You so very much deserve a break!!! I know you are worried about going and leaving your dad....but as everyone says, you have to think of your family as well as yourself, you count too!!! Your daughter is trying to tell you that you need this, listen to her. I urge my mom all the time to take a break from this situation with my grandmother, to take a holiday of her own, instead of revolving all her vacations around this illness. She doesnt listen and I worry sick for her not taking a break. I know she's worried about "her mother", but I am worried about "my mother".....and I need her to be well.....just like your family need you to be the same!!! The time will come and go, and you'll be back, and have had some real quality time with your family. Your dad will not even remember most likely that you went anywhere. If you dont go, you know you will feel badly for disappointing your family, and for not doing something I know that "you know" you deserve. That could start feelings of resent...and believe me, not a good place to go. So I say too....go go go!!!!! Have a wonderful time!!!!

Love, Carsam xo