*sigh*Sometimes, I just get tired...

[skimps46]

Thanks, y'all. It's a Godsend to have you all here to validate where we are. Isn't it terrible - just horrible - that we even have to HAVE a place like this? Watching my strong, successful father become someone who actually ASKS me if he can take his med with juice instead of water...and not being able to ascertain that by himself...it's tragic.

My caregiver that is taking over for me when I go on vacation is so perfect. She is asking me daily for the "routine" - I am going to type it up for her so she has no doubts. I have a file folder with his insurance cards, my POA, and I am leaving her with our cell #, our son's cell #, our daughter's cell #, the # of the hotel...and told her that if in doubt, call me anytime, and I will call daddy 2x a day. And of course, 911 if necessary. She is gonna be perfect. But perfect or not, I will worry. Will she make his coffee right? Will she remember to change the date on the whiteboard so he knows what day it is? Will she tell him that I will be home "soon"? Until now, I never realized just how much I actually DO - and how hard it is to duplicate it with someone else.

We are still struggling with the whole "bowel" thing. He actually asked me this morning if I would take him to the hospital as he spent 45 min in the bathroom and seems to be constipated. I gave him a Dulcolax, and told him to give it some time to work. I have exactly zero idea when he is actually "bound up" and when he is just imagining it. His bottom is so sore he needs a cushion to sit on. I wonder if maybe there is something going on there that I need to have checked. Just how horrible would I feel if he actually DID have something wrong and I chalked it up to his dementia?

Oh, how I hate this disease. As we all do. If only he could TELL me, like a normal person, how he feels. It's awful.

...deb

[DrewsG]

skimps........Moms Dr. just said the exact same thing to me during her last hospital stay. When she is in a "valley" time, she never quite makes it back up as far as she was before. Its just all so awful. Isn't it?
Moms kidneys are "sluggish" now more often than not. Thats a constant worry. Constant blood tests, changing of meds, always trying to stay on top of every little thing. Its a balancing act. I guess like a house of cards. If one thing goes wrong everything goes crazy and she gets so sick. Very sick. And its so quick. Scares me to death.
I want her pain to be over...........until she gets sick. Then I think, "Oh God, not now. I'm not ready". What a rollercoaster ride. Talk about making you sick to your stomach!!!!!!!!
I have looked at all of the guidelines to try to figure out where Mom is at this time. It changes. I can't keep it straight. She changes. Sometimes the switch is on..........then its off. Today its off. My phone call to her was so upsetting I called my Sis and just cried. She cried yesterday. Then we just go on. It does help to cry to someone who understands. I try to be strong around my kids and husband. They say that they understand. No, they really don't. Not until you walk in our shoes can you even begin to understand the pain. They love her I know. But its MY Mom that I am losing to this monster of a disease.
Geezzzz, sorry I went on so much. I seem to do that here. I guess because you understand. Thank God
deb I hope you have a great vacation. I truly do know exactly how you feel about leaving. Worry is my middle name..........all of us worry. You need this time away. I know it won't do much good to say it but.........."Try not to worry". Good luck.
Chris

[skimps46]

At what point do y'all actually ask for medical intervention? Those of you that are taking care of your loved ones at home - do you feel incompetant most of the time? When I call the doctor, it takes hours or days for her to call back, and the answers are so simplistic - "More fiber More water More activity", when all I feel is "WELL NO DUH!!! Now tell me HOW to get more activity out of a man that can't walk more than 10 feet! And he eats like a two year old - how do I get more fiber in that diet? And more water? He drinks like a camel now!

So the internet becomes my friend. I just put in the search engine, "Is constipation dangerous for the elderly?" and read all 117 results. The try to figure it out for myself.

As if we don't have enough to do, huh? It's frustrating.

...deb

[ibake&pray]

Deb,
Take a breath. I actually can help you with this one-and it's easy. Go to Target or WalMart or Costco. They sell Miralax. It is OTC. Used to be by script, but just recently was released. You mix it with water or juice, it has no mouth feel or taste, dissolves completely. By the third day your dad will by going regularily. It's a godsend for older folks and those of us who take heavy duty meds. You can mix it with his juice for his pills. Once a day is all he needs. The cap is what you use to measure it with. Please run our and get some today if not right this second. I didn't believe it could work until I started taking it. Until I started it I was on Ducolax, fiber bars, senecot, prunes, prune juice, and still I strained. Constopation is a by word of my medication, so trust me on this one, "K?

[DGabriel10]

It is all a balancing act and you never know what will tip that balance or what to do to keep it in balance. Once you thin you have it it eludes you completely with an up hill romp or a down hill tumble.

Skimp it is wonderful that you have found somebody willing to help you out with your Dad. She will not do things exactly like you would but she will do it. She is caring enought to want to do it right so she is caring enough to entrust your Dad to her for a few days. I know you will worry but keep it to a minimum. All will be ok, whatever happens, and you will have great memories with your dear family to come home with..... and hopefully some sleep as well.

I have found that I do exactly what you do Skimp. I hit the internet and learn all that I can or ask a friend. Then I go armed with knowledge to the doctor when I finally ask questions. When they say more fiber I just spit back and how do you do that when Dad won't eat? When they say more water I ask how much more when he is already drinking gallons? I have no fear of asking questions. That is what we pay them for.... to answer questions. Actually it was me that figured out Dad's diagnosis the last time he was in the hospital. They were all scratching their heads thinking stroke but nothing was showing on their test when I just piped up and ask if they had done any toxicology? You would have thought I grew four heads at that moment. I just checked when the pill bottle was refilled and counted the pills. It was a Xanax overdose. The rehab placement was cancelled and he was home in 5 days. I just called my own doctor and informed him that I had taken myself off a second medication because of side effects. He argued and said they were not the "usual" side effects. I explained to him that when I took them I had the symptoms and when I didn't they symptoms went away. Then he admitted that they were rare side effects and agreed with me. Medicine is not an exact science and many doctor's get stuck in routine. It is up to us to be an educated advocate for ourselves and our loved ones.

As for your Dad's constipation, if he is not bloated or in pain it's probably ok. Go get the Miralax, it is amazing, and the rest is just Dad's obcession.

Going to try to call Mom once again.... she's not answering her phone so hopefully she's out and about..... anybody want to put bets on her doing laundry?

Love, deb