Where do I go now??

[kate_wv]

Good morning Mandie...I guess any of us who have anxiety have a lot in common. I, too, wish there was a way for us to talk "closer", but maybe something we say here to each other will help someone else as well.

I didnt realize I was having a nervous breakdown the first time. After I was more educated I realized I'd had a rather mild one. Remember I was having all these symptoms and I didnt know what was wrong with me. I got to the point I wasnt able to sleep well and I went to the emergency room. I was scared to death and thought I was going crazy. I saw my gynecologist and he told me I was a "text book anxiety case". Well, it had a name and others had it!!...I then was in treatment with my psychiatrist for around 3 years. I kind of define a "nervous breakdown" as when you cant go about your normal daily activities or sleep at night...you just kind of "crash". You wouldnt be able to function and go to work..the anxiety is all consuming. That's why it's important to get the help you need before you reach that point.

The second time I had insomnia brought on by depression and anxiety. Once again I ended up at a Dr's a little too late. She was a wonderful physican's assistant who suffered form panic attacks and knew right away I was depressed. Oddly enough, I hadnt figured that out, but I knew she was right when she told me. She put me on the Serzone, which was a new drug then and it was for depression...I took it for 3 years or so and it brought me out and worked beautifully...no side effects. It doesn't help the anxiety, though, that's a different story.

What you need is someone like her that understands. Someone you can talk to...Someone who can teach you a different way to "think". We with a anxiety get in a pattern of thinking and we need to find a new way to "think" and not automatically go into our old patterns of fear and negative thinking. Right now I'm just quoting books...I haven't been able to do this myself, but I try. Did you get the name of the book I suggested in some back posts?...It was really a great one...she really made sense...If you didnt get it I can give it to you again. Must go eat breakfast now...Hope it goes well for you at the Dr's today...Maybe he could refer you?...Doesnt have to be a Dr...a therapist or a nurse would do....they just have to UNDERSTAND...Kathy

[Mandie]

Kathy You are my ray of sunshine- I look forward to talking to you each day. I do need desperatly someone to talk to that understands. I just hung up from my mother who is just so wonderful and caring and I was trying to explain to her all of my fears with my knee and other things, and all she told me was to stay away from doctors-- she even called me a hypercondriac and that really hurt. SHe said to just go one and think that it will just go away and stop worrying so much. I was not going to argue with her, but, i just can't do this and everytime someone tells me to do this, it makes me worse. I know you understand this- I was suppose to see my internist today, but they called and cancelled because 'He was called away to a meeting"- this is the second time he has done this do me and I am suspecting that even he, now, just does not want to bother with me. It really hurts to think this and I am so overwhelmed with "what shoud I do" that I can not even think straight.

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 02-09-2003).]

[kate_wv]

Mandie....Yes, I can tell that talking to me helps you so I make a point of checking here often.

If you suspect that your Dr is avoiding you then you need to be looking for a new one. A Dr. or some kind of counsellor...

My Mother doesnt "get it" either. But she's more understanding than she used to be. Maybe because I've had this so long. Even if your Mom is right and you do just need to "accept" what the Dr says....that isnt going to help you. I've been called a hypochondriac, too, but it doesnt bother me. I just know it's the same old anxiety...It's what's in your mind that torments you and no one telling you "just accept it" is going to help. It's you who has to change the way you think and feel about things and you need to be calm and rather rational to do this. It's hard work...and takes time. Just wish I could do more...or knew more..

[Mandie]

Kate you are so right about everything- I feel so much better when I know that someone understands what I am going thru. Just by taiking to you made me realize how important it would be to have someone like you in a support group that I could go to and be a part of. I have made many inquiries and found a few in my area that might be good for me, and i am going to look into them furthur. I really need the one on one talks, and I need to be among others who are going thru the same problems as me. I realize now that this may be the one thing that helps me from going over the edge- like you are helping me- so I really am going to make it my I do not drive at night to go to any of these groups, so that my husband will have to drive me and he does not get home early every night. Also, I sure would not want him to be in on the group, as I would not feel comfortable enough to let it all out, so to speak, and I need to be able to say what I feel without worrying what others think or having them judge me Don't get me wrong, He is just wonderful and would do anything for me, but he just does not understand what I am going thru and I don't think he ever will. So, I need this to be my own private group- I really need a group that meets during the day so that I could get there myself, It is hard to find this, but I will investigate it. Meanwhile, I know that i have you to help me thru the day and that is very comforting. THanks M

[kate_wv]

Wow Mandie, you just made my day!! Knowing I helped you even a little but makes me feel good inside! So see, you help me, too! And out of all my ramblings you managed to think of something that might help you...that I hadn't even thought to mention! It's a good idea. I'm sure if you look you can find a day group. When I was going to see my psychiatrist he had a group in the morning. I bet if you asked a hospital or Dr's office you can find what you need in the day. And unless you go for couple's counseling I think its understood you go alone and have privacy. Don't feel bad about not driving at night...I dont drive at all!

I understand about the "husband thing". When I first got sick I was so thrilled at reading what was the matter with me that I wanted to read it to him and share it and it was like he didnt want to know..He just wanted me to deal with it and get better. So I relied on books, my Dr, friends and family..and myself. I think these days I've educated him more and I know he hates to see me upset, but he simply doesnt know what to do to help. Sometimes if a man cant fix it, he just kind of "withdraws". Doesnt mean he doesnt care, though. I have a friend who suffers the same as us...and she was a rock to lean on a few years ago when I needed some support...Maybe if you find a group you can get some good "one on one" help and phone support!!....Keep me posted!!..Kathy