Drinking

[curse]

Hi aideen-
Mother is an alchoholic as was her father. His liver took him to the grave.
My sister & I are NOT protecting her. If she want's to drink fine, but when Dad is denied his neccesities because of her drinking than it's another story. Dad is the one we are protecting. We've read a few books, we've talked to our Aunt who grew up w/ mothers dad & she thoroughly explained the true situation. I have been planning on getting out of this home for some time. I'm on disability, so it's a lot of paperwork, but I intend to leave. ASAP!
This summer we (sister & I) took some advise, left for a few days & when we returned we saw that Dads sugar was the highest we had seen it. Mother was drunk when we arrived & seeing empty bottles it appeared while we were gone that's how she stayed. Drunk. Dad was neglected. She must have had a 3 day pity party. She constantly blames Dad for HER situation. She can't just get out & shop because she has to keep her eye on him. She has recently been found to be "legally blind". The DR. said she had "possibly" had a stroke in her eye. Her eyes were crappy long before this, but that is yet one more thing she blames Dad for. It was all his fault because of his bleed. Like the man chose the day to have a hemmorhage. All the stress HE caused. Get real. She also has an anxiety problem, but refuses the drugs that would give her some peace. Why? Because you can't drink w/ them & she prefers the bottle.
I've found myself w/ clinched teeth when she starts blaming him. I've made it a point to put my hands in my pockets before I attempt to start rationalizing to her, just how stupid her blaming is. One day I'm afraid my right hand is gonna hit her.
So I guess all we can do is wait until either her liver dies out or she comes to reality.
Thanks for your advice. Good luck.

[aideen]

Hi again! Can you perhaps have your mother committed instead to a rehab centre to detox and arrange that she goes back to a new accomadation? If she was gone from the house, it sounds like a lot of your immediate problems would be solved.
Waiting for her liver to give up, etc isn't really an option as you, your sister and your dad are being seriously hurt and affected by her drinking.
Was does your dad think? Does he admit she has a problem? Would he not want to leave her?!! Can you talk to him about it or is he denying it too?
If the situation at home is not going to change then you have every right to look after yourself. I'm sorry, but I don't know how a haemorrage would effect someone - can your dad still have a conversation, etc? If he can, then is he not also responsible for the decision he makes to stay with your mother?
Look after yourself first as the damage done by living with or loving an alcoholic is huge (as you well know, I'm sure).
It has been easier for me to break from my boyfriend and leave him with the consequences of his drinking, as we never lived together yet. I still miss him and can't give up hope that some day he will sort himself out. The longer we have no contact, the more likely this will be. Unfortunately, you can't love an alcoholic the same as you could someone else, so I have had to learn new patterns. Many of these have been of benefit to me in general.
I am the oldest girl of five in an alcoholic home but my parents separated when I was 17. I never realised how deeply this background effected me until recently when dealing with my boyfriend. Through him (as he does love me) I have learnt to let go of thinking I must be responsible for someone elses welfare. It is a very hard thing to do to change behaviours and ideas that one has grown up with but it is possible. Look after yourself and I hope you can find some peace amid the turbulance.

[curse]

Hi-
We have already looked into having mother commited. Because she will not ADMIT that she needs help, the best we could do was have her "held" for 2-3 days. Knowing her, she would be out & all heck would break loose. We have looked @ every option & until she admits it, all we can do is take care of Dad.
The hemmorhage he had is basically the same thing as a stroke. He just got one due to his coumadin level. He forgets from one day to the next. He knows mother is "stressed" as she drills it into his head, but he is not aware of how much she drinks. His memory is poor & the last thing we need to do is make him worry. He has a bad heart. Some things are best that he not know during his recovery. He does recall how much she drank before, but that is nothing compared to now. So until she hits bottom, basically there is nothing we can do.
Thanks again.

[Euphoria]

Hi. I have never been an advocate of drug intervention but in this case I think it may be the only way. Do a search at [url="http://www.askjeeves.com"]www.askjeeves.com[/url] and find out the in's and out's of doing that. It may be your only hope.

As for what you said about reporting that she is a danger to herself or others here is my suggestion. If you don't do it you have a zero percent chance of helping her. (and your pop) If you do commit her and she is someplace for 2-3 days that is at least 2-3 days that she has to stew about what she has done therefore giving you a little higher percentage. It may not work but hey it is better than no chance at all. I'm sure you agree that your pop deserves this small chance right? I would also find out how often your can report your mom for being a danger to herself or others? Anyone know?? I mean if they take her in for 3 days and she comes home you may be able to report her again within as little as 24 hours. See what I'm getting at? If you can find out how often you can do it I would threaten your mom with that information. Tell her you plan to have her committed as often as it takes for her to stop abusing your pop and based of what I have read here it sure sounds like abuse. After telling her that you need to follow through with it. There just has to be a statute of limitations on how often you can report her. If nothing else the cops will have to at least stop by and check on things. I know it sounds like a big *** hassle but a lot is at stake here. Good luck and I would like to hear what happens.

[curse]

Hi Euphoria-

I believe we did check that route once before, but I'll talk w/ the siblings & go from there. Thanks for askjeeves. They do have a lot of info.