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Originally Posted by wjpjr
...I'm a catholic but have been doubting my faith lately. It seems like no one on this earth should suffer as much as we have...
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Walt, I'm a Catholic too. In fact, that is how I make my living, selling Catholic rosaries online which some I craft myself and others I retail---also, being born on the date of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, also makes me feel a special devotion to the faith. And as one Catholic to another, the recovery you are going through has nothing to do with the validty of your Catholic beliefs.
While you may be finding your faith tested, just because you are suffering from a terrible complication of this man-caused surgery, is no indication that God or Jesus loves you any less. As a Catholic I am sure you are familiar with the Church-approved Marian phenomenon at Lourdes, France. The Virgin Mary told the visionary, St. Bernadette, on her third visit, "I do not promise to make you happy in this world, but in the other."
In that context, God does not promise to make you happy in this world, to keep you free of grief, strife and suffering while you are on this planet as Walt, the human being. He does promise, through his Son, though, that if you keep your faith, inspite of these trials, to make you happy forever in the next world. Human life is fraught with terrible possibilities, ones that even make our experience in this recovery seem pale in comparison as far as the level of pain and fear.
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Originally Posted by wjpjr
... I'm seriously thinking about calling for some mental counseling to deal with this. ...
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You probably read my 2-cents on that therapist. I just have to add for you, Walt, is what you need are good coping strategies for the ongoing pain and discomfort. It may be best for you to find counselors good in helping patients to deal with ongoing pain, not a counselor that is clueless about chronic pain and whose only remedy would be a prescription of anti-anxiety pills. Just because someone is a mental counselor does not make them competent to treat all psychological difficulties. Case in point, my first husband was married 6 times (I was wife 3), would panic at any personal difficulties, like wanting to leave town when getting a parking ticket, and was a certified counselor. I often observed him giving lousy advice to married couples and individuals in distress. I certainly would be dismayed if you turned up in his office, seeking competent help to get you through your troubles, as I know he would tell you something off the mark for you. So it is very imperative you seek a qualified counselor specializing in chronic pain management techniques.
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Originally Posted by wjpjr
...It seems the longer this recovery prolongs more and more family and friends get back to their lives. They still can't understand why I'm not more functional. Its not like I want to be this way I keep telling them ...
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Unfortunately you have to accept your family is a bunch of lunkheads when it comes to your problem, and stop trying to prove the severity of your problem to them, as it won't happen---they are intellectually dense about this, just as my family is. If you stop trying to make them understand, you will have less anxiety. All you have to do is schedule your meetings with them around your problem, or decline as I have had to do with my own family, since I still am nowhere ready to make long trips and participate in eating festivities because of my hair-trigger bowel functions that can occur at any given time, and leave me in pain afterwards.
Just accept that only someone else that has been in your situation can trully understand. Every day I have to still battle with my husband about my inability to function in certain ways due to my need to still live life close to my bathroom and doctor my butt. But I don't 'sweat the small stuff' and just accept he is a lunkhead on this situation, and will remain a lunkhead, and just insist on the help and leeways I still need. Do the same, and you will have less mental stress. To convolute that famous saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink", I say, for those going through hemorrhoidectomy recovery, "You can lead your family to the truth, but you can't make them believe."
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Originally Posted by wjpjr
...My pain and discomfort starts afterward...
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So does mine. I have figured out that the reason is the stool matter, even small bits and liquids, enter into my cut and scald like alcohol in open paper cut. I mean my butt feels like it is on fire. I have had to more than once, an hour after I have a bm, run to the bathroom, undress, and clean my butt. I have learned that I have to remove the offending fecal matter, no matter how small. I use very wet cotton swabs, and sometimes a spray bottle of water in the tub. This is a terrible chore I hate that wastes my time to no end, and I wish I didn't have to do. I consider this a temporary disability, but I at least know how to give myself relief.
However, sometimes I go 5 times a day, and that means 5 damn times having to clean myself out. I find that even if I clean myself right after going, about an hour later a new piece of fecal matter has come in contact with my cut, and I will be forced to get it out. I really believe you are suffering for the same reasons that fecal matter is scalding your cuts. The trick is to gingerly clean it out without aggravating your cuts.
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