Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

[kindaunwell]

Hey, yinksy, I figured It would be nice to tell you as you are a-rising outta bed (a good nights sleep ,I bet !! ) Top of the morning to yer Lass, and I think you will be happy to know, That I am finally going to try your ADVISE ( Irish nagging ,so to speak !! )

I have deceided from last night on, I will no longer put any type of Drug into my body, and just let this insomnia heal itself naturally. I spoke with me Pain Doc. and he said ,"WHY NOT", because all the bensos so far only helped me the first 2 or 3 days and then they did nothing for me. My next step would of been Halcion (sp. ) and I already knew from buying them off from the street that they might worke, but the addiction possibillity was very high.

So, when you get on the computer ,tell me what you think.. And I really did believe your advice ( No Doubting TOMMY this time ), but it just took awhile to make its way into this thick Irish head of mine. But I am "secretly" glad you never gave up on me....

Hope to hear from you soon....

( A changing Me )

Kinda-Unwell

[BadAttitude]

Originally Posted by kindaunwell

Hey, Autumn, how come no responce from you from my last post sent to you not too long after you posted to me. ????

I hope you are not mad at me now. I do value talking to you, and I have alot more to say to you

Whats-up.??? Please respond to me....

(Still your friend...)

Kinda-Unwell

Hi, kinda
No way am I mad at you, sorry that I didn't respond eariler but got busy with school work.
I am done with school work for the night and no classes tomorrow so I will be on for a while if you want to talk.
Oh, and thank you for your kind words, I hope that I am able to help you in some small way, even if it is only by listening and being threre for you to talk to. Yes, I have been throught a lot and come along way that is why it is so important to me to be there for others as I know how lonely it was for me not to have no one there for me when I was going through my alcoholism and dt's.
Talk to you soon, I will be on line for a while tonight.

Love & Happiness
~Autumn~

[BadAttitude]

Originally Posted by kindaunwell

Hey BadAttitude,

You should know better than that. I've come to admire you for what you have overcome and how now, you are giving back to other people who are now going through your prior "ordeal". Also, because of your heavy class load , I've lost you from my midnight shift. Actually there really isn't anyone left that will "shoot the breeze" with me after 1 AM. So I am mostly just Web Surfing.....

Hey, if you are stiil awake, and have the time, there is a difference of opinions going around the Board that you might have better knowledge of, than most of us....

Are you still awake, Autumn. ???

Kinda-Unwell

Hi, Kinda
Guess I missed you again, thanks for the kind words. Yes, sometimes class work does overwhelm me but then again it will all be worth it when I get these next two degree's that I am working on right know.

Read in another post that you were going to quit putting any kind of drugs in you body, I am so glad to hear that.

Hey, what's this difference of opinion that is going around on the boards that you are talking about that I might have an opinion on?

Well it's 3:19 a.m. here and since you are not online I hope that means that you are getting some sleep, me I will probably hit the hay in a few hours since I have no classes tomorrow I am all nighting it and will sleep in the a.m.
Talk to you later, my friend.

Love & Happiness
~Autumn~

[kindaunwell]

Well,BadAttitude, I was glad to get your post just now. I thought I might have blown our little relationship... I know the last 2 posts of yours, I couldn't get right back to you, because when my wife says her shows are on, she gets to dominate the T. V. And since I am a WEBTV user, all posting stops until she goes to sleep. I know its a poor excuse, but it is true...

I've read your post on your drinking history, and it amazes me how well you deal with it, have overcome it, and now devote yourself to helping other people. I don't know if I have that good a trait in my personality. I believe you said you read my drug history from a very young age. I have a real hard time dealing with it myself, so I just figure other people will think very poorly of me when they hear of it. Its not just all the hard drugs I am ashamed of, but the criminality I was involved in really sickens me. Its not like I did one or two bad things that could be blamed on a wild youth. These were big time felonies that I was involved in for many years. And they were mosly done to innocent people. How can I ever forgive myself, or make up for what was done to these people. Besides some of them are dead (mostly when we were ripping off other dealers ) and like I said ,I used my gun to commit armed roberies. But I never took another life with it. But I did set up some people who were killed...

Like you said once before, there was a thin line between you and the inmates you were counciling. Well, without the luck of the Irish, and the fact no one ever squealed on each other ( that would have been certain death whenever you made it back out to the streets ), I could of easily been one of your inmates. Alot of the guys did streches for years at a time. My older brother was always in and out of Rikers Island, and Greenhaven State prison. Until He finally O D'ed...
Although most of the guys were Irish (with some Westies connections), we were diversified in that we had Blacks, Spanish And even a crazy Chinese guy. Even the other local and school gangs backed off if we were around. I was never jumped or beat up in all my teenage years. Even my straight friends were kinda afraid to be with me. And when I went into the Army (to get away from the cops, and hoping I could exscape what I was into,), I still just naturely ended up with the bad drug crowd. And when I got stationed over to Germany, the crimes and drugs just seemed to follow me....

So now you know Autumn, I didn't just hurt myself, but other innocent people. How can I ever forgive myself for that. So I mainly just drank and did every drug I could get my hands on just to put it out of my mind. I even took some extra heavy hits of Heroin hoping I would just O D and end it all forever..... It wasn't until I met my wife and we had a son that I was able to surpress everything. Although up until recently, I would still get F***- up, whenever those memories came back. I still write to some of my closer friends who are doing 25 to life in Greenhaven, but we only talk about other things. I know the mail gets monitered by the prison officals.

Well, you wanted to know about me, and thats the "Brutal Truth"
How could anyone really expect me to get over that. ???. I am a different person now, who sometimes go out of my way to help people. And I've never Hurted another person in many years. But i'll have that with me until the day I die. Sometimes I feel I know exactly where I'm going when i do finally die. Hell, ***** probally will make me a lieutenant.....

I know this was a long and shocking post to you Autumn. Thats why I always feel that no matter what, once people really know me and my past, they will drop me in a flash.....

If you don't return me a post, i'll understand.....

(triing to change but always remembering...)

Kinda- Unwell ( and deserving to )

[kindaunwell]

Originally Posted by BadAttitude

Hi, Kinda
Guess I missed you again, thanks for the kind words. Yes, sometimes class work does overwhelm me but then again it will all be worth it when I get these next two degree's that I am working on right know.

Read in another post that you were going to quit putting any kind of drugs in you body, I am so glad to hear that.

Hey, what's this difference of opinion that is going around on the boards that you are talking about that I might have an opinion on?

Well it's 3:19 a.m. here and since you are not online I hope that means that you are getting some sleep, me I will probably hit the hay in a few hours since I have no classes tomorrow I am all nighting it and will sleep in the a.m.
Talk to you later, my friend.

Love & Happiness
~Autumn~

Sorry, Autumn ,I was still posting to you when you last posted to me. I really don't know what to say to you ,unless I hear back from you again....

( Just me)

Kinda nothing right now..