OhmyGod, you guys are the greatest. I can't believe you'd take so much time to reply to my depressing cry for help. Its so good to know....
First, let me tell you about the Dr. appt...
Well, when I first got there, I was not too aprehensive like I expected. I walked in, and was surprised at how 'normal' everyone appeared. Now, I belong to Kaiser, which is an HMO I have had many problems with, but I have to say they at least handle their substance abuse and addiction unit relatively well (one HUGE weakness I'll explain later). Well, when I got there, they made me take this computer survey to see 'where I was.' Basically to figure out if I am homicidal, an addict, depressed, have issues with abuse, etc. Then a PHD level physchologist called me back, and he was very nice. He talked to me for about a half hour, and it was easy to admit to him my problem. I told him about my taper plan, and the other meds I am on, and he suggested seeing a Physciatrist (for any of you who don't know, a psychicatrist is considered a true 'doctor' because they can prescribe meds, and a physchologist is a 'therpist,' not a doctor). So he told me he had to go put me on a 'list' to see a physciatrist today. I guess its first come, first serve. So its really the luck of the draw in deciding who treats you.
So, the Physicatrist (we'll just call him Doc for right now), called me back, and let me to the most depressing, generic office which clearly was an extra room. He had nothing to take notes on, and I couldn't help but feel 'whats the point of going over a 30 minute family history if he is not going to write it down to remember for the future??" But he went over my meds, and decided to put me on Regulan at night, Zyprexa at night, and 75mg of Wellbutrin in the AM (I usually take Wellbutrin, so we are tapering off). He said that will help my sleep and will avoid me having to take a benzo. He agreed my taper is a good plan, and gave me Zanaflex to take for muscle aches.
The worst part was that he kept using the term 'crazy'. I couldn't believe it. I'm not a politically correct person, but jeez.... So finanlly I looked him straight in the eye and said 'I don't think I would like to be referred to as 'crazy' anymore.' He kind of brushed it off and told me its an interchangable word with physcosis. I have my degree in Psychology, and nowhere in my studies did I see the word 'crazy' in the glossary! Plus, the Doc forgot me to give me the lowered dose of Wellbutrin (and we talked about in length that I only have sustained release Wellbutrin, 150mg, which you cannot split down to the dose of 75 he reccommended.) So, I am not sure if I feel uncomfotable about things, and its a tough ride becasue those antidepressants take some time to work, so how do I know he might have made an error (like the other 3) or if I am just adjusting! Errr...
So then I saw the therpist again to talk about medical leave, etc. He said I can tell my employer anything I want, and he will write me leave notes, 2 weeks at a time (but for a month definitely no work). The requirement is that I go to 2 meetings Mon-Fri. The Kaiser office hosts most of them, and their are lots of times and subjects to pick from. I at first thought it was harsh, but then I realized that with not working, I need to be doing "something' towards recovery besides watching reruns of "Family Ties" and "Who's the Boss"
I emailed my employer a letter telling her I've had an adverse reaction to my pain medications, and need to have treatment to fix it 2 times a day, and will be out at a minimum for a month. Pretty much true, right? I had to email her, even though I know the phone would be better, but I wasn't ready to field questions that I don't have answers for.
So thats where I'm at...going to start twice daily meetings on Monday and work on my taper. Going to try and walk everyday, etc.
I am so exhausted, I need a break from typing, I am going to start a new post to reply to everyone (twinlynn, hope, openlyaddicted, Rosie, Michelle)who responded to this post, PROMISE!
Love,
Tryin
Linear Mode
