"Ugly" is Depression

[Man Apart]

I remember when I was in 3rd grade. I was shorter than everyone. I had two big front rabbit teeth. My family was poor at the time so most of what I wore looked like scrap. The punishment I received for being me was severe and relentless. Children.... We were children. I was a child. They were children. Even at such a young age I caught a glimpse of something. I caught a glimpse of it. The things I feared most. The worst part of humanity. The animal side of human nature. I saw it in their eyes. Their faces. Their laughter. It was like being surrounded by a viscious pack of young wolves, ready for their first taste of blood, their first kill. I felt it. The older I got the worst it became. 7 years old, living in the worst jungle in Memphis. Learning the ABC's and 123's of hate, racism, beauty, ugliness, greed, envy, jealousy, and suffering. And also learning how to survive and fight for my life.

There was a boy named Quartez back in elementary. He was tall. Strong. Tough. Handsome. He could beat everyone in running. He seemed like he was the best of everything. He could beat you in every game of marbles, every game of kickball, out do you in just about everything. He always had nice clothes. The lastest Nike's or British Knight's shoes. And every girl in the room liked him. They all wanted to sit next to him. Despite the fact that he wasn't very intelligent at the time. Whenever it was his turn to read in class he struggled, always mumbling and stuttering his way til the last sentence of each paragraph. But noone ever dared to laugh at Quartez. Noone every laguhed at him. Only with him. I always think back to the first time I ever sinned in my life. The first sin I ever committed was envying him.

I read alot of threads and so many of the people here express grief and sadness due to their own self image. Of course it is one of the reasons Im a registered user myself. It just seem like the lack of physical attractiveness, or having a poor self image is synonymous with depression. It's not just a pattern or trend. Its a reality for many who suffer from depression. If there is one core reason why I suffer from depression, it would be because all my life I have had to live with being physically ugly. I look at it as being born with a immediate and significant disadvantage in life. Because its value in this world and our societies is infinite and has been since the beginning of time perhaps. The obsession to obtain, maintain, or regain the physical standards set in society is grossly exerted. My sister spent $2,000 to get a mole lasered off her face. My niece got breasts implants for her 19th birthday. I can hardly blame them. It seems like the physical changes pay dividends to one's self worth and acceptance in society.

Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that being perceived as ugly can seriously detract from one's quality of life, while being attractive can give you tons of benefits. I really feel like beauty, or the lack thereof is becoming more and more of a health issue than anything. As if life isn't in its own right difficult enough, trying to live, succeed and find happiness in this world feeling inferior to everyone else is almost impossible.

Beauty is not just skin deep. Its as deep as the marrow in your bones. Its so detailed. Having the right bone structure in your face, hips, legs. Having tone muscles, abs, biceps. And of course having beautiful skin. I came across a reality based tv show which premise was to evalute young 17-21 year old women to be models and whoever won would receive a modeling contract. It was one of the very few times I ever felt a smidge of pity for someone beautiful. I can't imagine the type of person you have to be to tell a little 17 year old girl she doesn't look good enough, she's not more like you, she's not tall enough, and breaking them down in every way possible until tears start pouring from their eyes. Other than watching sports and news and a few movies here and there, I could throw my tv out of a window because of some of the shows they come out with today.

Of course I'm a recluse. Of course I'm a hermit. The unhappiness and swell of insensitive people I have to encounter because of my appearance is overwhelming. Ugly is ugly. Ugly is me. I hear alot of people complain about not being "hot." Or being average or just merely cute. To those I would say, it is better to be of average beauty than to have none whatsoever. Thats like a middle class person complaining that their not filthy rich. Of course I feel worthless. Anyone would. Beauty is one of the main criterias of having a high self-worth. There are people on this board that are highly intelligent college students and working adults with great jobs and careers but theyre here because they're missing something in their lives that no amount of money, nor a degree can give them.

I wake up everyday asking myself the same question. 'Do I want to live?' Everyday theres a different answer to that question. Some days its 'yes.' Some days its 'I don't know.' Some days its 'no.' Some days its a resounding no, but I cant commit suicide cos what if there is a God, Heaven and Hell. And some days I feel like the Bible is about as credible as a Marvel comic book and usually on those days I end up in a hospital somewhere. I embraced pain and it became my friend. The only friend I have. Ahh, depression, low self esteem. Those are just the tip of the ice berg. I'm agoraphobic. I probably suffer from BDD. Im suicidal. And my anxiety attacks are more frightening than being in a japanese horror movie.

Clearly, there is no innate problem in being 'aesthetically challenged'. Many people have achieved success, happiness and even fame without the assistance of classic good looks. But many problems arise when people perceive themselves as ugly and judge themselves on the basis of looks alone. For me, there was a consensus and overwhelming majority of people in my life that helped me developed the perception of me being ugly. What I saw in the mirror became irrelevant.

I think we would all agree that to judge people purely on the basis of their physical attractiveness is shallow, dumb, and somewhat immoral. Yet, though most of the people in this world may be of 'average beauty', it has become so clear to me just how innate our pro-looks prejudice really is. Perhaps more prejudicial than racism. We now value beauty unreservedly. Men and women can profit from their beauty. Just that alone makes me want to check out of Hotel earth. People being able to gain wealth just by being born. No, God, we are not all created equal. Just like our fingerprints, everyone is born different. It overrides our morals and principles.

Its such a silent epidemic. Growing and spreading throughout our youth, teenagers, adults, our morals, our standards, in every society and will continue on and on for generations. My anonmosity grows thicker with each account and the examples I read, things I see and experience. Being unique is the flavor of life. Having night and day. Black and white. Big or small. Tall or short. But I think God made a error in creating beauty and ugliness. Is it at all just a coincidence that "*******" the most beautiful angel in Heaven according to the bible, was cast out of Heaven. I know my purpose in life. He created me to be night. He created me to be black. He created me to be big. He created me to be depressed. He created me to be ugly. I was born to help his people in this world distinguish between beauty and the pure ugliness that I am.

[rIcHrD]

You should pursue things you're good at, not things you're poor at. An ugly person in a beauty contest is wasting their time - they won't win - assuming winning was their goal. Most people realise that to an extent. That's why most average looking people wouldn't dare consider trying to become a model - they'd get ridiculed and sent back to their pathetic world, hating their own vanity and definining themselves as ugly. They do other things.

For the beautiful - they have one extra opportunity - t.v. show hosting, modelling, advertising, etc.

Thankfully though, in sum, the total amount of 'abilities' average individuals possess varies according to a reasonably normal distribution. There are few people with many 'abilities' and few with few. Thus, beautiful people don't necessarily have more than less-beautiful people. People are generally not that equal that beauty makes the difference. Beauty is therefore an irrelevance for those that do not have it - it is not their goal, nor their interest to pursue it.

Most job applications don't care how beautiful you are. As long as you're within the average norm, people couldn't care less. If you're less than average - in a quasi-disabled sort of way, then yes it's a hinderance. Just like retardation is a hinderance. Fortunately though, more can be done about beauty than retardation or other disabilities.

You can get surgery to correct your teeth. Indeed it's a normal procedure for all children to be fitted with braces if they show a tendency to malocclude. Adult intervation, although more complicated is possible and effective - contact an orthodontist. If your face is deformed, you're in less luck - but usually gross d*******ions come with other abnormalities, so beauty would be the least of your worries. Any skin problems with your face can be corrected by plastic surgery. Your hair can be grown and styled, and if this is not sufficient, you can wear a wig. You're right - beauty is essential, only in terms of the complete lack of it can be catastrophically detrimental. Thankfully, the complete lack of beauty is rare! Where it's not complete and not accompanied by bone abnormalities (other than teeth), then it can be corrected - with the correct sum of money.

If you're not happy with yourself - change yourself, or change your thought pattern so that you are. The former is easier than the latter. Provided you are certain the reason you are unhappy is entirely due to beauty, then that can be fixed. If it isn't then of course you may have a tendency to continue to find other flaws once one is fixed. Only you know the answer to that.

Beauty is important. It can be changed. If you lack money to change your beauty, then poverty is your problem, not beauty.

[te34resa]

Hi Rod - I was only thinking about you this morning while I was doing the washing-up. See how you get into people's minds! I have no answers for you as you know but if I was in third grade I would have sat with you Rod. You with rabbit teeth and me with mine that I had at the time. Would have made the taunts a lot easier to bear with a friend- I wouldn't have cared what you looked like. Sending you (((hugs)) today on a day I could do with some. Teresa.

[SandybytheSea]

I do not think "ugly" and depression are words that go hand n hand. I am what ppl refer to as very attractive. I suffer from depression and low self image. Man Apart I love your way with words. I would love to be able to express myself the way you do. I do agree ppl give u attention when u r considered good looking. However there is a lot of presure that goes a long with it and I always felt uncomfortable by attention becuase of how I looked. I rather enjoyed getting older and not having as much of the unwanted attention. I am very shy and just like being unnoticed. I also had to go through my husband cheating with several women all younger than myself. I never was afraid of age and now I am terrified of it. My husband a very good looking man feltr fear at growing older and well what does he do goes and gets attention from a younger women therefore verify he does in fact "still have it" I hate all the vanity that goes along with looks and it is so shallow and fleeting

Anyway, my point is looks and depression are not linked in my opinion. I know ppl who are considered not good looking at all and they have wonderful personalities and very positive outlooks on life. They give their looks no thought at all.

I wish I had been blessed with brains and drive over good looks. They are not dependant on youth.

[ceylan]

just a thought, but perhaps he meant perceiving oneself as ugly goes hand in hand with depression?
we have a very low estimate of ourselves usually, and the physical side can often be estimated at the lowest.