my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

balivion · 01-09-2006, 06:46 AM

Ok this is a long post, so i will appologize for it up front, I will also thank anyone up front that takes the time to fully read this and respond.

I guess I should start with I have two children with my ex husband. An 8 year old son with developmental delays, (he is matured to about that of a kindergartener) and a 6 year old daughter. My ex-husband is also a sex offender for indecent exposure to a child under 15. I have never had concerns about him hurting my kids, because I figured they are his kids, he would never do that. That and he gauranteed me, he wouldnt. The court ordered me to let him have visitation when we got our divorce. However, he is not allowed to be in contact with any child under the age of 14 with out supervision. But, for some reason that apparently does not pertain to my kids.

Anyway, to get on with the story here, my oldest came to me the other night and asked me if he could tell me a something with out me getting mad....I told him yes, and he told me his dad has made him look at dirty magazines, (his words not mine) and "sex videos" (aagain his words). He also says his dad has explained to him, how to have sex, from begining to end the entire process, including the motion, He also told him that his penis would feel good when he gets older, (he however used other words than penis to our 8 year old son).

Then!!!!! My 6 year old I ask her has anyone ever done anything to mak eyou feel uncomfortable. I was lookin for a 6 year old answer when i asked this question. Something like yeah this person made me too cold or whatever. Instead I get a terrified look, and a very abrupt NO. I asked her if she was sure, she said yes and started to go back to bed. Then she turns around, and with her blanket in one hand, and her thumb in her mouth came back over to me. She popped her thumb out of her mouth, (she still sucks her thumb, but didnt start until she was 2 its wierd.) and said mommy when you asked me that question (then she looked down at her feet and said) Did you mean like when my daddy sleeps naked next to me.?? She must have seen the fright anger and depression that came over me in my face, cuz she got this terrified look on her face, started crying, dont take my daddy away from me, I promise he wont do it no more mommy I am sorry, dont take my daddy away from me.

SOOOO...Now I dont know what to do. They want to go see their dad, and then they dont then they do. but if I do not report this, I could lose my kids, if I do report it, he will go to jail with in an hour, due to the fact that he is a sex offender.

I dont know how to help my kids deal with the loss of their father (when I know they are going to blame me) and the violation of themselves all at the same time. Can someone please help me out.

mitpatsmom · 01-09-2006, 10:08 AM

Wow, I am so sorry. This is going to be horrible, no matter what.

But, you must report it. There is no happy ending to this. Your ex-husband knows what will happen to him if the secret is out, and he does it anyway. That sounds like it's not something he will be able to control. If you confront him, he may try to talk you out of it, promising it won't happen again. He's already violated one guarantee, in time he'll violate the next one, too. Because of that, your kids need to be kept away from him.

It will be hard on the kids, but they will come to understand that you are protecting them. Their father is sick and needs help now before something worse happens. Hopefully, the authorities will provide counselling for you and the kids. The kids need to be told, that the problem lies with their father, not with you, not with them.

I wish there was a better way, but protecting your children by contacting the authorities is the only thing I can see.

summertyme · 01-09-2006, 10:27 AM

Your pedophile ex-husband IS sexually abusing your children, despite his promise not to. Hmmmm....that just shows how trustworthy criminals can be. I think that pedophiles are the scum of the earth and I would turn his sorry behind in so fast that his head would spin. He has robbed them of their innocence and that is a shame.

As to the trauma to your children because their father is going to jail, that can't be helped because you chose to make two children with a sex offender. Some things can't be fixed and made all better just because you wish it to be so. Just try to get them into some counseling and maybe repair some of the damage before it's too late.

drs · 01-09-2006, 10:37 AM

Your first job as a mother is to protect those children.

He has them confused. These kind of 'sick' people will do whatever it takes to make kids adore them first, then they start out small and work up to full blown 'sicker' acts. Contact a child service or your lawyer to find out who should talk to the children, the courts are going to say you put those words in their mouth. Make sure all your ducks are in a row here.

Yes you'll have to deal with the fall out on this, but it's much better to do it now than to wait! Then they will still lose their father plus you'ld have to deal with what he's done to them. It only will get worse, never better. Do the right thing for them.

drs · 01-09-2006, 10:42 AM

Please write back and tell us how things are going.