hi everyone and wow there are some awesome people here!
i am 35 and attempting recovery hence my username!
i guess its ok to post numbers as i have read lots of threads with them in, but i will edit out if it isnt
i am 5'4" and about 77lbs, and know i need to gain but also am scared, more of the fear of losing control of the rate of it i guess
i have been hugely blessed to not have any medical complications etc from this weight and have managed to get degrees, a good job, marry and have four children, so i am very lucky
however this is almost a mixed blessing as it has allowed me to maintain the well i cant be that thin/sick/bad etc thought which i am fighting strongly now
bottom line is want rid of this for my future health and for my kids sake
anyway, due to where i live my dietitian lives 300 miles away so i only see her every two months, but see a counsellor every 2-3 weeks (money prevents more often)
at the moment my dietitian has me on 1400cals a day which is ok but i know i dont take them normally ie i still have disordered eating ie more eating later in day and still do chew/spit although have cut purging from 12 times a week to 1-2 max and trying to eliminate that fully
i have a real bad habit of putting my fingers around my upper arm..when they touch i feel ok, but when they dont i feel i'm losing control of my weight..event though she has told me i will have lots of fluid flucutations etc
btw even at the worst of my ed i was eating prob 1000 cals a day so up to 1400 isnt huge jump, and i always ate and kept down a good lunch and dinner, which has probably been my salvation
anyway my questions are
1) what rate shoudl i expect to gain at and what should i aim for in this dept. part of me is scared to gain but part wants to be safe asap too
2) has anyone else struggled with a body checking behaviour like my arm thing and how do you deal with it..at the moment i am calmingmyself by saying its fluid etc, but even that isnt good as it is still maintaing the ed i think by holding on to the wish to be thin?
i thank you for reading this if you;ve got this far
xxx
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