update and thoughts

[digmusic]

I posted a few days ago regarding a guy I was dating and he said some mean things to me, (awfully mean but somewhat truthful unfortunately) and we stopped seeing each other. Well, I have always been one to forgive quickly, (not just pretend to but genuinely forgive) so after a couple days of not speaking he came to see me and wanted to watch a movie with a couple of our friends. We have seen each other every day since then and it was fine platonic fun just like it was when we first met. A couple nights ago, however, he tried to kiss me and I wouldn't. He seemed surprised and said "what's the matter?" and I just told him he doesn't deserve to kiss me if he sees me as someone who lacks qualities he would look for in someone to love or to have as a serious girlfriend (this is what he told me.) He thinks I take things too seriously and should not think about everything so much and just go with the moment - that you can still have something with someone even if it isn't going to result in true love.

I don't really care if he thinks I'm too serious, I still feel for him undeniably but I don't want to continue anything physical with him if he thinks I don't have what he wants in a girlfriend, even though I wouldn't necessarily want to be his girlfriend anyway. I have always been a person who is in a relationship, has her eye on on someone or is in some way actively seeking a relationship. I have settled for less than what I want because I have seen that as better than being alone. Now I'm starting to surprise myself by realizing how independent I can be. What are your thoughts, do you think I am too serious or am doing the right thing? I do worry that I won't find someone who measures up to my "ideal" that I dream about, does this mean I should abstain from anything less?

[Nina000]

Digmusic,

I am sorry I am not quite aware of your whole story, but if you want to stay with this guy, you should remember that this will ruin other opportunities of meeting the person who will make you uncompromisingly happy. His (even platonic) presence will make it difficult for you to see others around you, and start a more fulfilling relationship. I understand your fear of being alone. While his presence might not be enriching your life the way that you want it to, you shuld make sure that it's not influencing it negatively at the very least.

[Crystal^Tearz]

That’s the thing Nina000 she doesn’t want to stay with him but his not taking no for an answer. He thinks that he can say all this **** to her and then have her back when he wants.
I say good on ya for putting your foot down. Many girls act all tough saying they wont take them back etc and when he tries to kiss them they get all weak and fall into their arms again. Your obiously smart enough to get burnt once and not twice. If you can remain friends with him and realise that there is plenty more out there for you that’s the best revenge you can give him. Showing him you can move on and get better for yourself. Your right if he doesn’t see you worthy enough to love you why is he hanging around? You want to focus all your time and energy on a man that can love you, support you……and don’t for one second think that you cant do better then your x because trust me hun the first sign of a guy whos disrespectfull and plays head games don’t waste your time worrying about them. He obiously takes you for an idiot if he thinks that he can say all this crap about you and then take you back in his own good time. Show him whos boss

[cookiepls]

Originally Posted by digmusic

Now I'm starting to surprise myself by realizing how independent I can be. What are your thoughts, do you think I am too serious or am doing the right thing? I do worry that I won't find someone who measures up to my "ideal" that I dream about, does this mean I should abstain from anything less?

Girl, I'm so proud of you. You've taken control of your feelings by not blindly acting on them. You've let him know you're not the pushover he thought you were. That power you possess within yourself feels good doesn't it. And it just feels better and better the more you practice it.

With guys like him, it's all about the power. You didn't come to him for a couple of days. That's why he's the one who came to see you. Sure, he thinks you're too serious and thinks you should go with the moment. He's losing his little power grip he had going with you, and I guarantee he doesn't like it. I still don't think he's good "friends" material. This is going to sound harsh but I think he's two-faced. I've met people like him who smile in your face, laugh and joke with you, then talk about you behind your back. I remember that sick comment he made about 9/11 and his other tasteless joke. Plus the way he talked to you before was horrible and deliberately cruel.

Forgiveness is an honorable thing, and you sound like such a kind and loving person anyway. To forgive though, doesn't mean "without consequence". You can forgive someone but it doesn't mean you have to associate with them. I just think you'd be doing yourself a huge favor if you could make some new friends who weren't associated with him in any way.

I know you can and will find someone who measures up but you'll have to completely let go of this pseudo-friend to find the one who's right for you. With him as a friend, you're just casting your pearls to the swine. He doesn't even deserve your friendship. There's so many great guys who would love to date a girl like you who's sensitive and kind hearted and sweet. Don't think for one second you're going to end up alone if you don't keep him around. You're more likely to end up alone if you do.

I'm sorry if all this sounded harsh. It's just that I can see you've got so much to offer, and instead you're time is being wasted on this guy who doesn't even know how to appreciate a real friend. You deserve better, and you can have better.

[LostMyHeart]

My opinion:

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!

Good for you! You have the right attitude. He is only telling you that you are being too serious because it is hurting his ego that you aren't all over him. Don't give into it.
Just because you aren't his type, doesn't mean there aren't other guys out there who will think you are their type. Everyone has different tastes. Stay strong and wait for what you really want to come along.