3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

[missTee]

Its been awhile since I've posted anything...but I am very saddened by how my 3 year old daughter is treating her daddy. I'm not sure if how I am handling it is right. Tonight, like most nights, when I am putting her to bed I tell her to say goodnight to whomever is around. We live with my mother, and so my DD will give her a kiss and hug goodnight. But for some reason she does not want to hug or kiss daddy goodnight. She doesn't even want to say goodnight to him. Occassionally she will. But more often then I like, she turns her head and says she doesn't want to. Maybe I shouldn't be making her do this...but my reaction to this is...".....You need to give daddy a kiss goodnight!He loves you and he feels bad when you don't hug or kiss him!" I have demanded she do this...which I'm sure I am only making the problem worse by doing so, but I just don't know what else to do! I feel HORRIBLE when she does this to him, I can't imagine how he feels. Most of her time is spent with me...he doesn't spend much quality time with her and I'm sure this is a good indication as to why she is behaving how she is behaving. But How do I make her realize that he does love her and that he feels bad when she snubs him? To be honest, my husband shows our 17 month old son more affection then he does her...I guess another question I would have is...How do I approach my husband so that he isn't defensive? I bet if he spent more time with her she would come around...Am I answering my questions here? If I am, then I guess I just need to let it out and just hear some other ladies (or mens) thoughts on this. Anything would help... I really feel horrible. I want my DD to have a great relationship with her daddy because I never had one with mine. My mom always made us feel like our dad was an idiot and so we grew up looking down at him and feeling like he wasn't that great. I can't have this....ESPECIALLY were my husband is leaving in August for a 16 month deployment to Kosovo. (Hes military.) AAGGHHHH!!! I'm so torn right now..... Our lives are being flipped upside down....and its my kids that are going to suffer more so....I'm going on and on I appologize. I just can't stand it that he is leaving for so long....Even though I knew this was inevitable...he is military after all.ANd I respect that wholeheartedly....but it still tears me up and I still want my DD to love him the way she should and show him she loves him.

[angelique5]

My husband and daughter went thru a similar phase at about that same age... I don't think you should push it...you mentioned how you were made to feel about your dad, don't try to overcompensate with your daughter...you husband is not your father...you are not your mother!! Maybe have daddy ask if he can give her a kiss on the cheek or forehead... instead of telling her to go and kiss daddy. If your husband's at all like mine...he may not even mind that she's going thru this phase! It may be bother you more than anyone because of your childhood. I'm sure it's just the dynamics of her being with you more than her, and feeling more comfortable with mom and grandma... she'll build a relationship with daddy.

It will pass... be affectionate with your husband in front of your daughter... respect each other...she'll learn to be the same way. My daughter is 10 now, and OH MY GOSH...what a daddy's girl!!!!

[Art_930]

Please don't force your daughter to kiss her daddy. She may be going through a developmental phase or she may actually have a reason not to do so.

Also, you are setting her up to go against her own boundaries if some molester decides to touch her.

[rosequartz]

does her daddy have a beard or facial hair that may be putting her off?

[need_to_loose]

I would try to find out why she doesn't want to show him affection. true, there are developmental phases but I wouldn't just chalk it up to that unless I was sure. maybe try playing a game and getting her distracted then slip in a question or two about daddy, kids are more prone to open up if they don't realize they are doing it. it could be as simple as a beard or mustache or even a cologne he uses. as a father and a committer of the "not being around" sin, I can tell you, it does cause issues down the road. I now have a 21 yo and a 14 yo both boys, I have great realtionship with them NOW, but have had to work hard for it. if he loves her, and I'm sure he does, he won't get offended and defensive, if you don't start out that way. just be sure he can ******** down the road a few years and how he wants their relationship to be, say around the time of her wedding. it won't be as far away as either of you think.