family gathering.inaustralia we call it a barbeque

[zonk]

well, I took mum to my brother in laws for a barbeque this afternoon. they had all not seen my mum for some time. After 5 minutes mum was in tears...(too Cold) it was 29 degrees today(dont know farenheit) but it was sunbaking weather.
10 minutes later visibly upset again, so i fed her (again)
managed to stay another half an hour before she became EXTREMELY distressed
It became obvious that it was all too much for her so I gave up and left....mum crying all the way down the driveway and out to the car
"im sorry" she said ...me..dont worry about it ...I was ready to go anyway
"whats wrong?" I asked...bearing in mind that my DH family is noisy,bousterous (spelling?)and numerous
her reply..."there were all those people that I didnt know walking and talking and shouting and it scared me" I didnt leave her side the whole time we were there
Twice we left the gathering, once for the toilet, once to go home...each time as we walked out I heard the collective OMG coming from DH`s family.
NOW they understand why I cant be or do all the things they expect me to be or do

[Martha H]

It is good that they finally understand! Hearing about things is not nearly as good as seeing it with your own eyes.

Maybe now there will be some help for you?

My Mom used to love large family gatherings but the last few were a disaster.

I think the many faces and everyone talking at once is just too confusing, and while she can 'bluff' and try to sound sensible one to one, there is no way she can make anything but a terrible impression on a large , noisy and boisterous crowd.

I hope there will now be more help and understanding forthcoming .. ask for it, don't expect volunteers. The main feeling at the barbecue may have been - thank God SHE is taking care of Mom, I could never do it!

But they have to do their share!

Love,

Martha

[angel_bear]

Hi Zonk ..

I remember our last family BBQ ... poor ex-charge just didn't cope with a loud, busy family and friends, all in her face, asking her how she is, what's she been up to .. all the 'typical' questions you and I can handle was all too much for her ..

She ended up trying to hide in her lounge chair and watch TV (her routine) but people just kept coming in an annoying her ..

And boy O Boy did we have some advanced behaviours that night trying to settle her down .. sheesh !! But she just couldn't help it .. big gatherings, we discovered, were beyond her ...

So sad when they get to that stage, because quiet informal isn't nearly as fun ... :-)

Hugs .. hope the family appreciate you a little bit more now

[zonk]

hi girls, I am surprised martha is here at this time of day. i fully expected that mum would have problems with the family BBQ, at least now they wont be giving me grief if I decline to host the christmas lunch. my MIL was there, she was the one who on being told mum had alzheimers did the "oh, we all have memory problems....it wont kill her"
I think today was an eye opener for her, and as we left I said "sorry I havent been to visit you more often things have been a bit hectic"...she gave me an "understanding" look
hows the weather in bundi sally?

[onemorething]

First time I went to Europe on business I had to navigate the Brussels Belgium airport alone. People rushing through, flashing neon signs with luggage info, clearing customs and hearing people talking in 10 different lauguages, not a one English.

I'd been 12 hours on airplanes (hate to fly) and was beat. It was soooo stressful. When I finally did hear some British folks I went over to them and asked them a very simple question. I was polite. "Excuse me, can you help me just a minute". He said "When you get a new President we'll be glad too" and walked away. (And this was before the current one!)

I flashed on this experience as you described your poor Mum having to try to cope with the barbeque. And bless your heart for working with her. People (Mother-in-law for you, Uncle for me) just have a hard time accepting AZ. I don't know why it is but people who would NEVER argue with you if you told them you Mum had heart disease, will question the AZ. As others have said, maybe now it can open them up and they can start to understand. And help.

Hope you at least got a bite or two of yummie food! Been ages since I've been to a barbeque and with summer passing here, it will be a bit longer. Not that I need it anyway!!!! <me be plump >