End of the line or new beginning

[Joolz_40]

Hello

I had a life beyond my wildest dreams ... I achieved everything I had ever wanted in life and more besides. My material reality was a reflection of my inner reality, thoughts and feelings of abundance, strength, courage and hope.

Suddenly things changed, I became depressed and I started drinking. Soon my inner reality eroded and it didnt take long for my material reality to catch up. I lost control and I lost everything ..... literally.

And now at 45 years of age, I feel its all over, I dont have the strength to pick myself up and start again. But I know that this is exactly what I must do, no matter how tough the situation - the only reality that counts is that which we create inside our minds - thats the real battleground.

Here is my story in the form of a poem. It is my wish that it provides some consolation to fellow sufferers out there. There is always hope and a way out, if we are truly commited.

Warmest Regards

Joolz

************************* Genie in the bottle *************************

I was a very successful businessman

With interests in Sweden, USA and Japan

A wonderful home and wife

A bright future was my game plan




Capable confident and sure

Many challenges I had to endure

Five years ago I met alcohol

My life was to change forevermore



Alcohol became my best friend

To all my “problems” he would tend

Little did I know then

On him I would come to depend



When I was sad or low

He was always there you know

The genie in the bottle

Never failed to show



And when I felt joy

He’d say take a little sip old boy

How could I have know then

My life he would soon destroy



Little by little he demanded more

Until my will power went out the door

I became powerless over alcohol

Its influence shook me to the core



Thrown headlong into the abyss

It took everything away with nothing amiss

It left me dazed, confused and pitiful

Yet I am not an alcoholic I would dismiss



The cycle of misery would repeat

Ever greater losses with each heat

Heading for total destruction

I was well and truly beat



Fair weather friends and hangers on

Scattered and soon were gone

I lost my home and my wife

And my family was torn



I would never drink again I swore

These promises were becoming a chore

Plunged in darkness and despair

I lost everything I loved and more



I lost my business and nothing to spare

The agony was too much to bear

20 years of toil and labour

Just vanished into thin air



I prayed for death as a solution

As my drinking took another evolution

Alcohol, the ultimate bailiff

Had taken me over the cliff



Confidence, dignity and self respect

Courage, optimism and self esteem are all wrecked

Only memories of a life that once was

I am full of fear, self loathing and resentment instead



Chopped chiselled and carved, I discovered AA

One final attempt to keep my drinking at bay

I admitted I am powerless over alcohol

And pray God will show me the way



Today, my 19th day of sobriety

I am finally facing reality

Inspecting the wreckage and destruction

And face this alcoholic mentality


Dedicated to fellow sufferers .... may you find peace. //Joolz

[Sannah]

Joolz, what a great poem! I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. I hope you are realizing that you used alcohol to drown out your feelings and that you will start to learn how to deal with your feelings now.
I guess now, though, your fear might be in staying sober. I have no doubt that if you stay sober that you will climb back to where you were. You sound very intelligent and know exactly what to do to be successful. I am sure that you realized, however, that people function on two levels, intellectually and emotionally. Darn it when that emotional functioning is not as developed as the intellectual side. I have spoken with recovered alcoholics who told me that they used alcohol to drown out their feelings. It seemed to me that once they passed this hurdle that they successfully kept sober. I wish you luck in your journey.