BIG move Big stress...Feed my brain

[neverland]

Hi all...Got a story to tell, need lots of help but this is most important to start with...

I am unmedicated (by choice) Bi-polar and have been doing well without for the last 2 years...Until recently...I have moved out of state for the first time in my life (I'm 36) from the city to the country. I suffer from severe anxiety and have been affected phisically by it lately, bouts of depression, social anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Disociative Disorder, and lately have noticed a great deal of OCD too. (I don't handle change or stress well and this is a BIG DOUBLE WHAMY!) In short-I'm a mess on Disabillity. To top it all off my Fiance' and I moved here to be near friends who split up, packed up and moved away 1 month later to run away from each other! She and her husband were the only people we knew. Even better...My Fiance' is also unmedicated Bi-polar and feeling out of place. So far I guess you can figure out a few things I will be asking for help with in the future! For now though, I am asking for advise on what to do with myself. I am settled in but I have always had a NEED to constantly "feed my brain". I have been getting VERY disorganised because of the stress and my disorders and so I know that I need to get organized first before exploring new things. Have bought 15 note books in the last month with the intention to use each one for one purpous-e-mail addresses I want to check out, songs I like, important phone #s, etc. Not working out that way lately. Please! Any advise to help me slow down? Also, in the meantime...The feed my brain part (The desire to learn is eating me alive these days.) Should I focus on trying to learn one thing VERY well and risk boring and scaring everone (I may seem or BE obsessive about talking about that one thing) or learn a little bit of a few things and risk making myself more scattered, confused and anxious. Not manic, just can't slow my head down long enough to hold on to a thought! My memory has been really bad lately. My memory has been really bad lately. My memory has been...Just kidding. (Kind of. ) Tnx, NL

[tsohl]

Would it be rude to ask why you choose to be unmedicated?

[kathryn00]

that's funny. i have bought tons of flip notebooks to carry around with me to write stuff down.

what happened, i would forget to write "song=" part when writing down a lyric or a title. it is funny to try and read because i seems like random thoughts that are not attached to anything. like, too busy creating destruction in the world. just random.

don't worry so much about your move. you are there. sucks, i know. but, life takes us where we need to go and you have to believe in that.

as far as learning, i have no idea. there are hundreds of things that i have identified that i want to learn. just can't seem to focus.

good luck to you! don't worry!

kathy

[serine]

I would like to know aswell, how can you possibly go unmedicated? You must have it pretty easy, I mean by that you are handling it well if you do not need medications. Now I guess you just ride the storm as it fluxuates. Have fun.
Serine

[neverland]

Thanks for that Kathryn00! Glad I'm not alone! Cute LOL and sounds like me! As far as the no-meds choice goes...I moved from the Tampa Bay area in Florida to a veeeerrrry small country town in South Carolina. My biggest problem since I was very young is the fact that I DO NOT handle stress well at all. Florida=higher bills, had to live in really unsafe neighborhoods (all I could afford.) My Fiance' is a hard working blue collar worker and the past year we had been fighting workman comp for him. He had to under go 3 major surgeries on his right thumb which was cut to the bone on the job. 5 months out of work and in the end, 2 months after starting work again had to have that thumb removed. We were both living on my disabillity check and trying to make it work. Felt more and more boxed in , isolated, depressed, hopeless. We can afford to live here comfortably and the pace is much slower. No pressure or hurry-up-and-wait here. I've been medication free and under a Dr.s care for 2 1/2 years now and doing very well. Before that I was on 13 different medications that caused severe weight gain (130lbs to 200lbs) and grand-mal seizures among other complications. I'm more relaxed lately but the big change (the move) is causing me some greif. Sometimes I feel out of control. Like I don't know what's real from time to time. I feel like I need to reavaluate the thoughts and beliefs I've felt were stable and safe all my life because people think, and live their lives differently here. Sometimes I wonder if it's my illness causing me to think strangly and be so relentlessly stuck on those thoughts and ideas and sometimes I wonder if it's just a matter of my needing to adjust to my new surroundings and people. Culture shock for sure! I am planning to start taking anti anxiety medication soon because my deppression is triggered by 2 things=Stress and Anxiety. Take care of that then most of the other problems can be worked through. The biggest things are the PTSD, anxiety, and the fact that the town-folk here (Bible-belt) frown on mental illness. They don't understand it and believe it's a matter of lazyness or will power. So we have to be low-profile about it amongst some people. Only 2,300 people in our town and gossip spreads fast. Example= My Fiance's supervisor lost his job after 18 years because he attempted suicide. His wife kicked him out and his children aren't allowed to be with him alone. It wasn't a dramatic suicide attempt. He took too many pills and his life is tarnished. We are going to move to the outskirts of town where people are a little more open minded and understanding but one step at a time. We've made an incredibbly big move for us but I am flexible and easy going. Thank goodness for that! HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT? ONE STEP AT A TIME! Any advice? Any appreciated. Thanks