please... help me!!

[*pig_tails*]

Hi people!

Issue 1.

I don't know where to begin but anyway.. i'm 22, I've been working at a dentist for almost a year and i became good friends with the dentist who's 29 (in that friendly/family type sort of way) and we just liked hanging out..laughing etc.. so we ended up going out.. its been 3months now.. but very very intense!!..

We see each other almost everyday.. and his just someone totally different to who i thought he was. He lives on his own, doesn't have many friends..as they are all married etc..,his family lives far away.. so i guess his a very lonly person. He always gets sad when i meet my friends for dinner or have to go home early to have dinner with my family.. working with him everyday is not enough.. he expects me to be with him constantlyy!!! his always saying he loves me...20 times a day.. he buys me things.. which i really do not care for.. i tell him not to buy it.. then he'll feel rejected and get all cut up..

i just couldn't deal.. and wanted to end things but i just felt so sorry for him... but couple days ago... i tried to do it.. after a night out with friends i just had the guts to do it.. and it full backfired.. he said that he thinks we're drifting apart because for a week i've been seeing my friends, and no time for him... oh my gosh.. so i said.. yes i guess we have drifted.. i just don't think its right anymore.. and... he went crazy on me.. saying his going to kill himself.. (i actually feel he will do it because his been depressed and he has no life going for him..except the dental surgery which stresses him outt sooo much)... so i was freaking out.. didn't know what to do.. and told him his being a stupid idiot.. but he kept crying and saying if i don't love him.. he doesn't want to live no more etc.. what am i suppose to do in that situation~??? i was losing it.. crying.. thought he was bluffing.. but anyways.. .he told me he'll watch over me.. and started talking crap.. i was justt soo worried.. but just left him alone..hoping he wont do nothing. Next day he calls me 40 times.. tellin me to come over his house because his all numb.. his head is hurting because he been banging his head against this glass thing..

so i told him.. okay.. i'm not breaking up with you.. (so i can just calm him down...what am i suppose to do?? i was so scared he was going to lose it agains)... and said i want to work somewhere else though...

so then.. he still went crazy.. i told him.. it strresses me out so much.. we fight constantly.. etc.. he just doesn't get it.. he says if i loved him i would stay and help him out.. ... what the....??

but i was firm and said.. no...so i gave him my 2 weeks notice.. but still he tells me to work just 1 day so we don't drift.. he tells his parents.. all 3 of them trying to make me stay in the surgery.. IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN PRISON!!

anyways.. he says fine.. i can quit.. but i can't work at another dentist!... OH MY GOSH!!! this guy really wants to ruin me right?? I feel like i cant breathe!!.. i'm scared if i run away his going to go nuts and kill himself..because his that crazy... (he needs evereything in order, can't go to public toilets...only his own..his majorly obsessive compulsive)..

but.. i do care for him still.. not in that romantic sense.. but sort of like a family love type way....

I don't know what to do nomore........ i felt like calling the cops on him if he said he'll kill himself one more time.. and when he said.. his always nice and kind to people but in the end they treat him back like ***** and the world's going to pay.. yes.. i was scared then..

But strangely... after a certain cool down period.. his full in denial.. and acts as if nothing happened~!!.... like NOTHING at all... and i'm scared to bring it up again.. because my emotional stability right now is out of whack!!... because i couldn't deal... me being the anti-drug girl who's never touched any sort of drug.. i did ecxtasy and pot 2 days ago.. i feel like my life is falling apart!! and i'm just so lost in it!!!

what am i suppose to do~??

Issue 2

Following on from the above.. during all the caos.. i've been hanging out with a guy friend (his 22).. who turned out he likes me.. and i who.. am in need of some support & normal affection.. we met each other alot in the past week.. (i did the drugs with him), and felt like life's exciting again.. because he raves and loves partying.. but now.. he thinks me and my dentist has broken up and thinks we're going out.. (he kissed me a couple days ago.. and i know i shouldn't have done this but i kissed him back..).... i'm not a person who cheats at all! i have always been faithful.. but..this time around.. i feel so lost... i don't know who i am anymore...

At work.. i'm hiding who's calling.. and tell the dentist i'm meeting a girlfriend when i'm meeting this guy.. because he'll flip and probably say he'll kill himself..

this other guy.. has issues too.. i think his adhd... lol.. short temper.. etc.. and treats people like crap sometimes.. but anyways i stand up for myself and do not take that... & lastnight i told him.. this is not on anymore.. and his like sorry sorry.. etc.. then goes fine... be like that..never liked you anyway etc..

then he calls this morning..saying sorry..lets meet up etc.. then fine yeah.. i met him.. then he was just being the biggest smartass.. so i just had enough... he says sorry.. then says his had enough etc.. (i wasn't cut up or anything.. didn't feel anything when he said lets break the whole thing..)..so we went our seperate ways..

then he calls and says.. please lets start over i'm so sorry etc...

What the.................. i do not know what's wrong with me... and him and the dentist...

I just want to run away and get away from everything..!!!

What do i do~!???????

PLEASE HELP ME>>>.. any adviceee or anything.. will be great~!!!!

please!!

Thanks!!

[luvmy2kids]

Wow! I would say to leave the dentist and his office immediately. He sounds very unstable and you don't need to give two weeks notice and deal with it. As for him saying you'll never work for a dentist again that's silly. When you start looking for a new job, explain that you don't want to give your last boss as a reference because you developed a personal relationship that didn't work out. You are not responsible for this guys emotional stability and well being. Do not feel bad about leaving. You need to be firm when telling him it's over. Don't answer his calls. If he continues to harass you by calling 40 times a day call the police. You don't have to deal with this!

As for the other guy. Same thing, be firm and stop answering his calls. End of story. Move on and try to pick them better in the future .

[minnesotagirl]

Originally Posted by *pig_tails*

I just want to run away and get away from everything..!!!

I seriously think this is the BEST plan of action!

You said you gave your two weeks notice -- does that still stand? If not, you can just quit without giving a notice. That is perfectly acceptable under these circumstances. Who is the dentist's supervisor? If there is someone above him in the company, I would tell that person everything that has happened. Because what he's doing is a very seriously violation of company policy and in some cases employment law. Sure, the dating itself may have been a violation, but he has seriously mental issues.

I'm guessing his superior at the dental office is probably a dentist himself, and therefore that person is a medical professional, and they will probably give you the exact medical term for the dentist's mental condition if you describe what he's done.

You seriously need to STOP going to work with that nutcase, because the dentist truly does have some serious mental problems! His family probably knows he's crazy, too, but of course they're probably crazy themselves and may not realize it!

Don't give into his threats. Most of the time, these types of people do not follow through with them. However, in some cases, the mentally disturbed person may actually seek you out and try to cause harm to YOU. You've heard of murder-suicide cases in relationships, right? These are the types of people who committ those crimes. So, contacting the police is probably a good idea, too. Keep good records of his contact with you. Do not care for him anymore as a family member. He's not worth it! You need to tell him to stop contacting you. Be very clear. Offer no sympathy.

He can't prevent every dentist in the area from hiring you. That's just a silly threat, especially if you go to his supervisor with this information. I really wouldn't worry about that -- your safety is much more important.

As for the other guy you're seeing, if you are already seeing some red flags like that, listen to the warning. I would stop seeing him now. You can't change him. It sounds like he is just going to be one problem after another. And you haven't invested that much time into him! Move on while you can! Plus, he's getting you involved with drugs, which you haven't done before, and so do you really want to start?

I think you sound like a very nice girl, and you deserve so much better than both of these fools! Do you realize you deserve better? I think it is important for you to have some time as a single woman, focus on YOUR NEW JOB (because you should definately get one -- unless of course the dentist is fired upon you telling your story to his supervisor), and focus on really finding yourself and loving who you are -- so that when you do meet Mr. Right, you'll be at your best and ready for what he can offer you! Because there will be a guy out there who can offer you so much more - everything you've dreamed of and deserve.

Good luck!

[simplyheather]

I agree, get the hell out of that situation. That dentist sounds like a weirdo, and you don't need to have anything to do with it, and if he hurts himself, then that's his problem, and you shouldn't feel responsible for it. You leaving him is not the only reason, I promise. He has underlying issues that he needs to deal with. There is no reason for you not to just quit your job and leave the area. And if he talks to you and says he's going to kill himself, call the police, b/c if they say that infront of the police, they'll take them to a mental health center, which is prolly what he needs.

As far as the other guy is concerned, he sounds like a jerk to me, and I'd let that one go too. You don't need someone else bringing unnecessary stress into your life. Sounds like a loser!

Good luck in all you do, but definatly cut off all ties with both the weirdo's and your life will get better!

[*pig_tails*]

Hi~

thanks for your replies!!

issue 1

the past 2 days i called in sick at work..since there is a new girl at work i should be training..but anyways.. i left it up to her..

today i went to work.. and could not stand being there...and he acted like nothings wrong.. i was losing it!!... and told him i really can't be here now.. i don't want to come in for the next couple of days because mentally i am really... going crazy... and told him... i can't believe he would not let me work for another dentist.. he said..he thinks i'm stabbing him in the back.. making the other dentist prosper and make his business more vibrant etc.. stupid huh~??

He said its too much for him thinking i'm going to be working with another dentist.. sheeshh.. i told him its a damn prison for me... he doesn't get it..

His family lives far away.. and i don't really talk to them.. apparently they full adore me in that 'daughter in law type way'...sounds crazy.. but they want us to get married pretty soon.. i feel like i'm drowning.. i'm only 22..

but i guess if i called them and told them what's going on.. hopefully they'll understand...

issue 2

well.. its funny.. i took your advices and did not pick up his phone calls etc.. but of all days.. he caught the same train as me.... i tried to duck and hide.. but.. he caught me.. and kept saying are you pissed off..and getting mad at me for nothing... then i just couldn't deal with him embrassing me.. so i held his hand and he was fine after that.. then we both went to work... he works at some IT company.. anyways... he keeps saying sorry.. but i am sooooo sick of it~!

I tell my parents and my friends what's going on... and i feel like i'm putting them through so much too! my mum is generally not well.. and i feel i have made her sicker because of her constant worrying of the situation.. but i also still care for the dentist in the family type way..he was crying today and it just broke my heart!! his the only person that really knew me.. seen me through everything.. since we're together always.. even husbands and wives don't work together.. its tough!! really is..

i just do not know what to do........ should i go see someone?? a counsellor or somehting???