hiding behind the mask

[restless_heart]

I have been hiding behind mask for 5 yrs now...To scared to take it off around people who I dont know and dont know me...I hide behind smiles and laughter when I have to leave the only safe place I know..The only people who c the real me is my family ( or at least what I have left of one)..Hubby, kids, and 1 sister who will claim me lol...It's hard to even leave the house for knowing I have to put on a smile and act as if I am just another HAPPY go lucky person on the street, when knowing inside I am full of pain, and hurt and uncertain of what the future holds...Kind of a prision in my own home in a way...I suffer from panic attacks at just thinking of having to leave the house for any reason..My everyday life consists of tring to make the best of things at home and spending time with my kids..

[loopylu]

Hi restless_heart,
I can understand where you are coming from, as this sounds like me alot of the time too! Although with my meds, I am having more periods of the normal me inbetween.
Do you take any meds? Or see a counsellor?

It's hard to even leave the house for knowing I have to put on a smile and act as if I am just another HAPPY go lucky person on the street, when knowing inside I am full of pain, and hurt and uncertain of what the future holds

When I am in a depression, this is how I feel too. I can leave my cocoon only for those things I really have to such as taking kids to school and doing grocery shopping.
How do you feel at home, and how do you feel with the kids?
I often feel guilty and hating myself after being overly irritable with everyone, when I just feel like I wish everyone would just go away and leave me alone. Kids included. That makes me feel awfully guilty and terrible.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone with wearing 'the mask' - I find it so tiring and exhausting!
loopylu

[restless_heart]

Originally Posted by loopylu

Hi restless_heart,
I can understand where you are coming from, as this sounds like me alot of the time too! Although with my meds, I am having more periods of the normal me inbetween.
Do you take any meds? Or see a counsellor?

When I am in a depression, this is how I feel too. I can leave my cocoon only for those things I really have to such as taking kids to school and doing grocery shopping.
How do you feel at home, and how do you feel with the kids?
I often feel guilty and hating myself after being overly irritable with everyone, when I just feel like I wish everyone would just go away and leave me alone. Kids included. That makes me feel awfully guilty and terrible.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone with wearing 'the mask' - I find it so tiring and exhausting!
loopylu

Currently taking Celexa and have a therpist app the 21st.. When at home the kids do get on my nerves and I am irratable with them and also feel guilty of this...Hubby has been outta work for 2 months and is really tring hard to cope more with the kids and give me a break so that has helped alot