Urgent advice / help needed for my son

Ohoolahan · 02-27-2007, 02:54 PM

Hello everybody

I would very much like some help and advice on what has become a very worrying and traumatic time for my son and I.

My son is 21yrs old.

He has had a very bad temper and some paranoid tendencies for about two or three years now. My husband and I have tried to get him to visit the doctors or pay privately for a psychiatrist but he just wouldn't go. One day he would recognise his problem, the next he'd be feeling much better and deny it all.

Anyway, over the past two or three DAYS my son has told me that he 'knows' people are watching him and our house (or any house he visits) By people I think he means the police (he has mentioned the CID a couple of times) He said that he is being watched everywhere he goes. Even at the shops he says they make him wait deliberately longer than anybody else because it's all part of the 'plan'. He said that what he hears on the television is directed at him. Like it's talking to him. Giving him messages. Programmes with every day stories are aimed at him. I tried to explain they are just news stories or topical stories of the moment etc but he says I don't understand that they are giving messages related to him. He says the police have bugged our house and phones and his computer (because he looks at porn he is convinced they now think he's a paedophile) he reckons they are on a stakeout in one of the neighbours homes to listen and watch him. Each time a car parks outside, it's because, according to him, they are watching him. He picked up a prescription of anti-biotics this morning and said the street and shops were busier because he had gone there. They were watching him. They made him wait longer than anyone else for his tablets as 'part of the plan'. There is a lot more to it than this, but it's all pretty much along the same lines. He is completely paranoid about everything and everyone. Given the way his moods can change at a snap of the finger, I am wondering if there really might be some Schizophrenia in there at all? He goes absolutely crazy about things and smashes things up, uses god awful language and makes threats etc (we've had to call the police more than once) but afterwards he doesn't even remember most of what happened.

I am at my wits end with not knowing what to do. I'm not one of these stupid parents who doesn't do anything until it's too late but I don't know what to do. He won't speak to a doctor about it. My husband and I have spoken to a doctor about it in the past but the doctor said he can't help him until he goes in himself. He said he could send a psychiatrist to our house but the chances are our son would just leave the house and not speak to him.

There has been a lengthy use of Cannabis - since his teens (we did not know until he was about sixteen) and I KNOW it's played a part but how can we control what he does when he isn't in the house?

I am so frightened for him and upset, please any advice would help me. Someone to ring, somewhere to go, something we can do?

Sorry if this is in the wrong section, but I didn't know where else to put it.

Thank you very much

frankiefloris · 03-01-2007, 04:06 PM

Hi, it sounds like he may be suffering from psychosis. Have you tried ringing crisis call...? the number is 0800 501254. You ring them, leave a message and they should get back to you. If not ring them again. They should be able to give you some advice.

vjm · 03-01-2007, 06:21 PM

My wife and I are writing this reply because we know exactly what you are going through at this moment in time as we had/have problems with our son. There is no quick fix, we have reached our current point after six years, so feel well positioned to offer you advice.
Your story virtually mirrors ours, but as we had no help, it almost wrecked our lives, and our daughters, as well. DO NOT let this happen to you. It might sound selfish, but your own health has to take first place. First off, there is no way that they will accept advice to go and get help themselves. As far as they are concerned, everything is real, so they do not have a problem. We have recently attended a course run by Rethink, in Leicestershire, and it was a real help to us. Rethink is for the carers of persons with mental health problems, not the person with the problem. You might not realise it but you are now a carer! As a result of group discussions and ideas, we noted down everything, passed it to our sons psychiatrist, (who he was seeing once every three months, and lieing to very convincingly), he then realised there was a problem, and as a result our son was sectioned under the mental health act. This was the best thing to happen to him so far in this whole episode to date. If we had known at your stage, what we know now, things would not have got so out of control. The best advice we can give in this short reply is to write down everything that he says or does that concerns you. Make an appointment for yourself to see your GP, take the notes with you as you will be so upset that you will not remember half of what you want to say. Your GP will be able to advise you, bare in mind that mental health issues are not something your average GP will be up on, but there might be one in the group who is more knowledgeable, or maybe within the area. Do not put this off. You have to keep pushing to get any help for your son. We thought we were alone, we now know that there are thousands in the UK with similar problems. Knowing you are not alone is a real help. Our son was discharged just before christmas, and there is hope.

Ohoolahan · 03-02-2007, 03:01 PM

Thank you so much for your responses.

I am sat here reading your post vjm with tears rolling down my face. It's the first time really that I feel anybody has understood. I also posted this in the Depression category because I wasn't sure where it belonged, they have been great in there too.

I rang SANELINE about an hour and a half a go because I feel things are getting worse. Now my son runs down the stairs every morning, grabs all the leaflets off the doormat and tells me which ones have been posted because of him. TV programmes are still about him, the house is still being filmed. He now thinks that his dad went away on his business trip this week because he 'knew what was going on' and 'what is going to happen' so went away. He thinks the same about a friend of his also. He thinks this friend of his is working undercover to try and get him arrested. It goes on and on.

At Saneline they suggested my son ring them, talk to them etc and I said I would give it a try but I know he won't because he thinks the phones are being bugged. I'm going to make an appointment with our GP first thing Monday morning. Hopefully my son will come but if not, I'll go any way. Saneline said he needs to be assessed before any action is taken and it all has to be voluntary by our son unless he becomes a threat to himself or others. He has been violent before, but never touched my husand or myself.

Anyway, thank you again, I'll come back and let you know how things are going.

vjm · 03-02-2007, 07:01 PM

I hope that you get the help you so badly need when you visit your GP. It's such a difficult position to be in and at the moment it probably seems like you're banging your head against a brick wall trying to get healthcare professionals to understand just how bad the problem is.

If things really get out of hand over the weekend try phoning NHS DIRECT and insisting they contact the CRISIS TEAM. I know from the course we did that they can refer the problem to your area's crisis team. Basically it's a psychiatric emergency team on 24 hour duty who can only be called by authorised agencies, NHS DIRECT being one of them. (You may have to push for this but you can get help this way.) They have to respond within a certain time but they may contact you by phone to assess the situation. Referral will usually be on the grounds that someone is likely to harm themselves or others.

An alternative to this is the Police, who, for the same reasons, can exercise specific sections of the Mental Health Act, and escort the person to a place of safety, normally A&E at your main Hospital, where they will be assessed by a psychiatric worker. I know this may sound extreme but they are trained to deal sympathetically with this type of callout.

It all seems so daunting when written down but it's always wise to be prepared. I think the word "unpredictable" just about sums this illness up. One day you'll look back and wonder how you managed to cope, but you will and you know something? You'll come out of this and be better equipped to deal with any problems that life throws at you.