Lost in my head, frustrated....

[NutshellNutter]

I've had enough of this BP stuff - do I have it? do I not?? I am sooooo angry with at the moment I want to scream, I can feel it building inside - a volcano.... but doesn't everyone feel like this???? Isn't this just normal???? Some poeple are just naturally ratty right??? Why not me then????

I hate myself, the world, EVERYONE at the moment - I just wish everyone would die and leave me alone. I hate everything........ I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry, I am gritting my teeth as I write........

I am in a quandry (spelling??). I have always managed to keep my life together (in my own way), have always worked, except for when hospitalised, but I'm finding it soooo hard not to just pull the plug.

My life has been maintained by never knwoing quite what I want to, as a career, as a hobby, who to have as friends, what to do for a wedding, where to go on holiday - I just never EVER know. I think I've tried to organise our wedding about 6 times now, each time planning a completely different do, wasted so much money, never see it through before I change my mind again.


This is the story of my life. I don't know who I am at the moment, I'm lost in my head - although then I ask is that just a cop out? I'm getting angry with myself now. I don't know which part of my life, my thoughts, are real and which are becuase of the BP label???????????????????? It's such a strain to keep going as a 'normal' life would - maintain job, house etc, when I feel likfe this - I just want to give up, to breathe........ Although, am I just using the BP as an excuse to give up then? Just feel so tired, depleted, stressed. Wish I could just let go, give in, give up and breathe.... anyone???

I just don't know, sooooo lost.


Nut.

[ErylFlynn]

I am not even sure what to say, it seems like you have been having a rough week or so, and I wish I could help. I don't really understand alot of what you are going through, that is partly why I found this board. But I can sympathize with you in that it is hard.

Don't let the wedding get in the way of your life, you have all the time in the world, after all that is what marriage is, a life long commited relationship. Take some time for yourself. Maybe call your pdoc see if there is any thing to help you. Hang in there, things will get better in time. People care about you, and want to help you.

[NutshellNutter]

Hi Eryl,
Tnx for reply - u not BPer yourself then??

pdoc rang me today to ask how i was, 'fine' i said, becuase I was at that time..... up, down, round and round, up, down, round and round, up, down round and round... thats how i feel

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Nut.

[martavee]

Nut - I feel the same as you.

I never know what I feel these days. I just know I'm angry/sad/upset or blank. I'm not hungry or I'm not full. Nothing sounds good .. nothing tastes good .. I just don't know anything. I want to give up too.

When I saw the Pdoc last week she asked what my interests were. I had to be honest and say I don't know. I have just learned what others see as a 'normal' life - school, work, etc. and attempt to do those things. I haven't enjoyed anything productive/self-meaningful for a long time.

Is your pdoc going to adjust your meds some for the added stress you seem to be under?

[goody2shuz]

(((((((((NUT))))))))))

Sometimes there seems to be a time that there are no words to say. As your cybermom I say give yourself a chance to breathe....don't rush the wedding plans and take it easy on yourself. Sometimes just removing as much stress off yourself is the best way to manage times like this.

You know the drill....take your meds at the same time each day, get enough sleep, eat well staying away from sugary or caffeinated foods, take in some exercise even if it is just a walk, and avoid anything that stresses you out as much as possible. It won't always be this way but when you are feeling this angry and frustrated take it easy and ride it through trying your best to get things more in balance. If this doesn't improve call our doctor. Sounds as if you need something more to help you through the anger and frustration. I beleive you just started Seroquel....right??? An increase in that may help you through this time so talking to your pdoc will help. Tell him that you are cycling alot during the day and when he called last you were okay at the time but things changed a little while later.

I am sending lots of ((((HUGS)))) your way ~ Goody