looks like no xmas bub for me

mariella · 04-18-2007, 12:43 AM

Did a test this morn BFN, started to spot so I guess I am out for this month. I look at pg women at the shops and feel like going up to them and asking them to explain to me how they actually got pg!! See I am getting obsessive now!!

Its now been 15 months of trying and we are definately out of the bad luck/bad timing thing onto the must be a specific reason for not conceiving as we fell pg within 2 - 4 months of starting to try with our other kids. I have a hsg next week and then maybe clomid and/or iui.
But I am feeling sick of it right now, thinking maybe this is all a sign that we are only meant to have 3 kids. I am 40 next month, I am sick of spending every month worrying that another friend will announce her pg before me and I will feel left out again. I feel like I am in a race to get pg before the next one as it is too upsetting for me. I am sick of feeling let down and upset every month and also letting the time go by focused on conceiving and not focused on my wonderful family that I do have.

I have so many things I want to do, I don't work outside the home so I have lots of time to be with my kids and look into any interests that I have, but it's like there is a bump in the road that I just can't go over UNTIL I have my last child. It's like my life has stopped here until I do this then I can carry on. I know it sounds ridiculous. But writing all of this doesn't stop me thinking that I so desperately want just one more baby. Sorry for the rant, I think I do this every month.

Don't get me wrong, my children/husband and I have great times and we spend all our time together. They are not being neglected in any way, it's just this internal thing that I have going on.

Just a question, AF is 2 days late, it is starting though, I am booked in for my hsg on Tuesday which will now be day 7 not day 9. Will this be okay, what if I am just at the end of AF. I should be finished by then but who knows, after the debacle last month I will not wait another month to have it done.

Best wishes to you all and hoping lots of BFP for 2008.
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Black Kat · 04-18-2007, 01:02 AM

Hi Mariella! I am very sorry to hear about your BFN. Those rotten things are never easy! I know what you mean about feeling obsessive, IF has a way of doing that to us. When DH and I see a pg women, we are always joking about me rubbing her tummy. Don't think I wouldn't do it if it would work!

As far as the HSG, I know I had mine done on a specific cycle day, but I can't remember what day it was exactly. Sorry I'm not any help!
Hang in there, don't give up, and you'll soon get your BFP! My parents desperately wanted another baby and 15 years after my youngest brother was born, they had me! My Mom was 40 years old when she had me, so perseverance definitely pays off! I wish you the best!

Kat

rubynz · 04-18-2007, 05:53 AM

Hi Mariella

Gee, I could have written your last post myself. You completely summed up how I feel each and every day. Infact, I couldn't have said it better myself. I am so sorry you feel this way, I know how damn consuming it is. I hope you can take some small consolation in knowing that you are not alone.

Take care honey.

Ruby

mariella · 04-18-2007, 06:22 AM

thank you ladies for your replies, and ruby you just brought tears to my eyes. After I wrote that post this afternoon, basically i fell in a big blubbering mess, torn between desperately wanting another baby and being thankful for my life and for the sunny days that I get to share with my kids. I am sick of feeling like this every month, but there is only one solution and you ladies know what that is, that will take all the stress away.

Best wishes to you.

Amy 333 · 04-18-2007, 06:27 AM

Mariella i am sorry about your BFN . . . i too had really wished for a Xmas baby. . . . It does get frustrating after a couple of months doesn t it. Hold on and here s to 2008 babies.

Ruby when do you get to go on holiday? How are you doing?I am sorry that you re feeling upset ...try to think that when you ll get back you ll be doing something about it and hopefully we ll all have 2008 babies.

Here if you need to vent.

Amy