Good morning all.......I had the pleasure of being very clear headed on vacation which left me open to seeing different people clearly, perspectives and thoughts so I thought I would share. There were two different siutations that stick clearly in my mind.
1) I met a lovely woman sitting in the pool. Her, Hubby and I clicked very quickly. She had alot to say (very negative) about her relationship with her daughter who she was traveling with. The daughter is 30, has her Masters, is married and travels a couple of times a year with her mother since the father has no interest. Ran into her again the morning we were leaving so we had breakfast with her and I had the opportunity to meet her daughter. By the end of breakfast the mother was crying, not because of anything the daughter said to hurt her but because all of her issues were coming out. And she has several but will not accept them. She just goes on unhappily living with them. Her daughter I felt was very kind in trying to bring her mother out, help her through this and to see that she can conquer certain things. The mother refuses. She wishes to remain as she is. Two different perspectives and I guess being an outsider I saw them both very clearly. The daughter has become the mother and the mother the daughter. Very sad as I wish i would have gotten her address. She thinks her daughter is mean and what I saw was a loving daughter trying to help her mother to "come out" of her fears and live happily. Just my opinion as I don't know either well enough.
2) My grandchildren, more so my granddaughter, are very sensitive children. Neither are bulllies, love life, but their feelings are hurt very easily. Grandson tends to go with the flow even if it bothers him at times and wants to whack some nasty kid. Granddaughter is the opposite. She crawls inside herself. My youngest spent the weekend with them and told her older sister that she feels her neice needs some counseling now as she gets angry, sad, frustrated and somewhat down when embarrased or hurt. I had the opportunity to talk to my oldest when I got home last night and she was a little upset that her sister thought her kids needed counseling. I was very able to put it a different way and explained to her that I was never taught coping skillls as a child so how could I teach my kids and how could they in turn teach theirs. I feel that's what both of these children need is coping skills. I am just learning them at 53 and told my daughter so. I tried to explain to her that her children have the right and deserve to know how to get out of these feelings quickly and know how to cope with hurtful happenings instead as in the case of my granddaughter if someone hurts her feelings early in the morning she will have a bad rest of the day. Not fair to her. She tends to dwell on it. Someone has to break the cycle. We are all very sensitive, kind, gentle people and we all know that people like that sometimes have a tendency to be walked on. My daughter took what I was saying much better and understood. There is know reason these children have to grow up with the hurt of being offended easily because of their sensitivity and not know how to deal with it and walk away, but at this point my daughters and myself are still struggling with our own. I would like her to seek counseling so she can learn how to break the cycle, and learn skills to teach her children so they don't end up like me someday at 53 just learning how to build boundaries. I can already see it in both of them.
Just my tidbit for the day. I found it very interesting to see others perspectives on the same situations and found I am open to others views though they may not be mine. Taking it slow and listening has really helped. They are still all valid just as mine are.
I hope all are well. Looks like I have alot of laundry and reading to do today. I guess I'll hop from the wahser to the boards all day.
Love to all,
Grasshopper
Breaking the cycle, perspectives, mother/daughter relationships
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