Now I'm in a pickle

[onyR]

Hopefully some of you know my story or stories the past few years and what has happened to me lately. If not, you can click on my username and read my past posts.

Anyway, short of it is: My girlfriend and I broke up over a month ago, mainly by her own choice. We have been somewhat apart or seperated for a couple of months now. We had dated since December of 2005. She had cheated on me before and done some things that have been issues with me. Problem is, I love her and she is so amazing in so many ways.

We still talk all the time on the phone and see each other every now and then, and yes... still sleep together maybe once a week. I had asked her to get over whatever funk she is in so we could work on things and get back together but she never seems ready. We hadn't seen anyone else during this break up.

Well, last Saturday I told her it's either with me or we are only going to be friends. In other words, pee or get off the pot. I had told her before she is going to wait so long, I'm going to lose the 'want' to ever be with her again based on what has happened in our relationship, no matter how much I would love for it to work for us.

She couldn't step up to the plate and get back with me so I just told her, we will just be friends and stay in touch because that's what we have been the past couple of months anyway. It would be for the best. She started to cry a little, but nothing big.

I left Sunday night for a training class in another town. It's sort of a monthly follow-up for a class I had for the state earlier in the year which lasted six weeks. I meet a girl during that class and became friends with her. She is in the follow-up classes with me and we usually hang out in a group of friends... but we have this connection unlike any of the others.

I found out last week that she really liked me and she had asked me out before, but I just couldn't go. On Sunday we stayed in the same bed together, nothing happened. But Monday was a different story. It happened that night.

We like each other but there are some difficult factors in seeing each other. Her ex-husband is crazy, she lives an hour away, we both have children, etc. So going out might not be that easy for us.

During the time I was gone, the ex-GF tried to call me and text me. She couldn't reach me and was freaking out so-to-speak. I guess she realized what she was losing because of her actions or lack of.

Now she calls me all the time, told me I was the best man she has ever known and that she knows she screwed up to the point where she probably lost me forever and she doesn't know how to move on with her life because of that. But last night, she came over and one thing led to another and we are in bed again.

I feel horrible because I never do this stuff. I guess I'm not cheating on anyone since I'm not in a relationship, but I still feel bad.

I love my ex-GF. She is everything I wanted in a woman but she has done some bad things to me and not sure if she can correct her patterns. This woman, who is 27, is so beautiful & so much fun. She is great to my children and I have never been tired of being around her. She could be in Playboy, so the sexual attraction between us in as high as I've ever had with someone... It's almost my weakness... but I'm 99% sure I could never take her back at this point.

Now there is this 'other' woman and I don't know what to do. I don't want to say anything to either one because I feel like scum for doing what I did.

[Laylah]

Originally Posted by onyR

I guess I'm not cheating on anyone since I'm not in a relationship, but I still feel bad.

You're not in a relationship, so you've nothing to feel guilty for. If you were to continue to sleep with both of them, that'd be a different story.

Right now you're conflicted, and you need to figure out what you want. My opinion, based on the contents of your posts, is that you want to be with your ex girlfriend, but are nervous about the whole thing blowing up in your face again.

I think you should probably give things a go with her. If you decide to do that maybe you should tell her about your night with the other woman. Might get her head pointed in the right direction!

As for the other woman, be honest with her too. Tell her you enjoyed the night you spent together, but you love your ex and want to give things a go. There's really no reason you cant straighten this out. It isnt the monstrously difficult situation it appears to be. (It'll just take a bit of guts and something of an earbashing from these women; oh well, you've got two ears, plenty of room for both of them! )

[onyR]

Thanks for the reply Laylah. I'm scared of a couple of things:

1. If you read over the past history with me and my ex-GF, I am really worried she could cheat on me again. She's done it before and has this control issue that she hasn't proven to me she can correct.

2. My ex-GF and her best friend and husband are ALWAYS going to be an issue with me. They have caused a lot of problems in our relationship and will continue to do so. I don't see that changing... it hasn't in 15/16 months now. Something would have to change there, big time. Like no more best friend.

3. I really like this other girl. She is also very beautiful, smart, and really funny. We seriously click as well as I have with anyone. Like I said, the issues with her were the ones I posted: Distance, ex-husband, children w/both of us. BUT, I don't want to let someone like her pass in my life w/o knowing. Could she have really been the one for me?

I don't want to take back my ex-GF (if it ever came to that) and tell this other girl "Sorry" then have my GF cheat on me or break up with me again because of some stupid issue. I would probably have lost my chance with the other girl forever.

On top of it, I'll see this other girl EVERY MONTH for the next year.

Maybe I should move to Utah.

[Laylah]

Maybe you should lol. Yes, I remember you past posts now. The thing is Onlyr, if your ex gf really was truly madly in love with you, she'd have assured you that there'd be no more BS from this friend/freinds bloke connection to her ex. It'd be the first assurance out of any womans mouth, any woman who meant it, that is.

Did she come out with anything alone those lines that last night you spent together?

[onyR]

She hasn't 'asked' me back yet. So she didn't give me anything in terms of "I won't talk to her anymore if you will give me another chance", etc.

See in December we took a break, which was more like her saying "I think I need some time apart" (not a break up, a breather). The next day she sleep with her ex. So three weeks pass and we get together again. She assured me then nothing would EVER happen again and her and her friend would NEVER talk about her former BF. Even her friend told me this.

That didn't last long. They never hooked back up, went out or anything, but I know they talked. It's too much for me.

Here was the text she sent me on Monday night when she 'thought' I was out with someone (I was, but I told her I was at the movies):

"I know I have done the worst to you and have lost you forever. You have no idea how I feel. I lay in bed and cry thinking about what we could have had and how I destroyed that. I guess its because my feelings for you are still strong. And I truely care about you."