What happens when someone comes down from a high?

[Summertimegirl]

I have been reading the threads on this site for a few months now to help me cope with my partner of 16 years who has had a severe manic episode for the last 6 months. He moved out at the end of December because I thought he was ill and started a relationship with my neighbour a couple of weeks later. (That's the short version....).

I saw him recently - hadn't seen him for 6 weeks because he was so angry with me for being in hospital and wanted me to stop interfering in his life.

For the first time he has acknowledged that he treated me really badly and seemed very calm but clearly hasn't changed his mind about leaving or the new relationship. He is also in complete denial of being unwell.

From what I've read I know leaving is very common, as is new relationships. What I don't know is how someone comes down from their high and, if they re-evaluate their decisions, how that happens and how long it takes,(especially when they're with someone who doesn't think they're ill).

I absolutely love him and don't want to lose him but it feels like I already have. I'm trying to get on with my life but hoping that his feelings might change back to the loving person he was before he got ill.

What happens when someone comes down from a high? I've heard it takes time but am I deluding myself?

Thanks Summertimegirl

[emeraldeyes114]

Dear Summer,

I can only speak for myself. I know that on the down side when the mania is passing it goes one of two ways for me. I have either a numb moment perhaps what is a normal mood or I start on a depressive episode. I have stopped a relationship almost what would be in mid stride. It didn't mean I didn't love them or have feelings for them. In a way it was trying to save them from the stress of this illness. I know people can only take so much and usually i feel that more during a depressive episode. I have started relationships during the mania part as if I do not have something in my life that I am always seeking. If the person I am with doesn't have it then I move on and trying to find that secret whatever it is. The trouble is not knowing is making it unlikely that any relationship will survive for any great length of time.

The old saying that if you love something set it free if it comes back it was yours and if it doesn't it never was comes to mind here. Only don't just set him free but yourself as well. Love is not a switch for many that can be turned off like a light. It will take time to heal. Give him time as well and either he will see that this new relationship is not what he needs and come back or he won't.

All I can give are hugs, compassion, and the pair of eyes to read this. I hope you find the answers you need and are looking for.

Eme

[liz49]

Oh, Summertimegirl--this illness changes people into someone you don't even know--someone they don't know--are you prepared to take him as he is? It sounds as if he isn't ready or willing to come back and you may just have to accept that and move on. I do not mean to seem harsh, but realistic. My BP daughter was in a long term relationship with one guy--"the love of her life" for a few years..then had a manic period, broke off with him and never looked back. He was devastated, and she never, to my knowledge, ever gave him any kind of explanation. Just "go away". Pretty harsh, but often people with BP are pretty harsh--they don't mean to be, they just can be, they are so wrapped up in their own feelings. She moved on to the guy she's currently with and I hope when she dumps him (and she will) he handles it better.
If you want advice, I'd have to say, go ahead with your life w/o him in your plans. Sounds like he's creating a new life for himself w/o you, you should do the same. As for manias and coming down off of them--everyone is individual. Some people take months, some take days, others, just hours. There's no set rules for that, so don't look for any.
I'm so sorry.
Liz