Brother and new born baby

[hayley0610]

My brother who is over 30 and his wife had a baby this morning their first...they think their poop doesnt stink and will only drink scotch if its more than 30 yrs old! very posh in their minds. since all my children have been born he has NEVER really been a part of their lives as we dont really care for each other but make an effort at gatherings,we are 2 very different people anyways, since him and his wife got together the neice and nephew thing has gotten worse.He doesnt call them on their bday or come over and visit xmas will chuck them money but thats it.This baby is my first nephew and i really wanted to see him right away after he was born which was last night BUT my mother told me his wife said it was ok for me and hubby to visit in the hospital but not the kids as she is too tired!!!!!!!!! i told my mom that thats when u want people o visit as when u are home u dont have the comfort of ur hospital bed and the staff can tell u when to leave lol but she said if we wanted to bring the kids by do it some other time like maybe this wkend! i think this is appalling! my kids are EXTREMEMLY well behaved and for the most part are teenagers and almost adults themselves! i could completely understand if they were 2 or 5 or 9 but they are quiet well behaved young adults and i told my mom this is appalling and selfish behaviour, and for once she agreed! she said her dil could tell she wasnt amused when she asked the kids not to come! is their cousin and i am very embarrassed to have family like this! its not like she has to get up cook for the kids, amuse them and clean up after them! i just wanted them to see and hold their nephew, so now i could care less about my brother and his wife and a baby i really wanted to be a part of.

[Seraph]

Unfortunately, from the sound of it, this is only the first of such things that are going to offend and annoy you over this baby.
1. As you say, your bro. and her think their poop doesn't stink anyway..so accept that she is a bit of a self-centred b***h, and will not change any time soon.
2. She is a first-time mom, and taking that together with her nature, this baby will NOT be shared with her husband's family.
3. She doesn't care how your kids feel.

I don't know what you can do about all this, except to act as you would over any new nephew, in spite of it being under sufferance on her part. You can do that at family gatherings, and who knows?? Maybe motherhood will soften her up. It is hard to be bitchy to someone who is gooing over your baby. Cheers and lotsa luck, Sera

[Blastoff9600]

You may just to hope they bring the baby to family get togethers to see and spend time with the baby without the sil dictating when and who can see the baby. I know not ideal but maybe it will be enough until the child is old enough to speak for themself.
My bil use to be a big part of our lives until he got married. It is sad now because my sons want to know their uncle but he wont return calls,emails or letters. He claims we havent tried to stay in contact with him. We dont even have pics of his second son. He has a son that we do get to see because the mother makes sure he knows that side of the family. They were bf and gf when they got pregnant with him and broke up shortly after he was born. Anyway he got married to this other girl and she had a little girl who my bil adopted. We have a few pics of her when he was still talking to us. Then right after the wife got pregnant with his second son the contact stopped. I dont even know the child's name. It is sad cause my dh misses his brother but we have tried just about everything we could to stay in contact but it has all been one sided. So we have written him off and explained to our boys that we arent sure why but their uncle wants nothing to do with us.

[hayley0610]

thanks for the responses...omg its like u guys know them lol i didnt know if i was overreacting or if this was somehow not right...i still think its weird its day 2 now i havent even called them to congrat them and i feel bad knowing its prob creating even more tension but i am very offended and i dont feel like taking up 2 mins of my time for their kid when they cant for mine. even before he got married he was starting to get snooty but now its sickening!!! we really dont care for each other and we know it i am more realistic with life.so what now???like why would someone not want their neices and nephews to meet their cousin?!?!? i dont get it its strange!!!

[Blastoff9600]

I dont get it either I wish I did. I even tried to guilt my BIL into seeing my sons. We were visiting family up in Ohio and we got both his home and cell number from his ex who is the mother of his first son. One of the many times I called I ened teh message with this"your nephews would like to see their uncle especially since one hasnt even met you yet it would be a great christmas gift for them."
I didnt hear back from him so I can only assume he wants nothing to do with my kids and so I wont be pushing or making any more attempts to involve him in their lives.
I look at it this way you can only try so many times and get pushed away so many times and then it is best just to give up adn let things go. Though it doesnt hurt to have a small bit of hope that they will regret their choices at some point. If that time comes be willing to forgive and forget because chances are it is taking a whole lot of choking on their pride to admit they were wrong.