My daughter will drive me over the edge....

[liz49]

I have posted here beofre about my 20 yo daughter who has was dxed with BP about 2 years ago. She has been stable on Lithium and Prozac--well, stable for her, for the last few months and it has been pretty ok, for a change, after months and months of the roller coastering that all the other drugs caused....until tonight...her BF broke up with her..all hell broke loose. He called me, sobbing and said she had screamed out the door saying she was going to kill herself (her usual tack when things don't go her way). No one could get her to answer her phone, so finally I had to call the police and have a "look out" put out on her & her car.
She was driving around the city making random calls to friends and leaving messages saying she didn't want this now ex-BF to come to her funeral-. I called her, left a msg telling her I'd called the police & that she needed to come home, but she refused to call me. Finally after a couple of hours, one of her friends was here and she got a call from her. Her friend said "your mom is so sad, why won't you come home? Why do you do this?" My daughter said "All my mom does is get hysterical & threaten to put me in a hospital". I said "Let me talk to her"--and took the phone and very calmly & quietly explained to her that I needed to know she was safe & wasn't going to hurt herself. She said, "Maybe not tonight, but I make no guarantees about tomorrow--call off the cops and I'll negotiate". I said, "Just tell me where you are" She said, "I need to get away for a week or so" (drama queen!!) I just asked her again--"Where are you? North or south?" She said, "South, I am going to California- (Ok, we're 700 miles from CA!)-but I am going to stop for the night in a hotel" (So I did a little sleuthing and she's in a motel less than 20 miles from home) She's been calling the BF for the last hour and crying to him--he finally turned off his phone. I did not call off the police, so they may yet find her and if they do she might get picked up and placed in a psychiatric facillity. Part of me hopes this happens--she gets so darn dramatic and over the top..... honestly--we have been going thru these huge dramatic outbursts over everything!! DO they ever get better? Can people ever learn how to roll with the punches of life? Would a stay in a psych ward help her or make her worse? Would group therapy help her? She has a counselor, but she must have made her mad because she hasn't been going. Everyone in the family saw this breakup a mile away--why didn't she?? This poor kid who broke up with her is so traumatized--he is leaving to go to school back east and I bet he leaves tomorrow-just to not have to see her again!. Can anybody give me a shred of hope? I just feel so desperate about this child. She screams at me, she was so mad I'd called the cops, but she told her BF she was going to drive off the canyon road--and she's tried to kill herself before, so it's not like they're hollow threats---do BP's ever become socially aware?? I am so wound up and angry and tired and weepy tonight. I just want to give up--yet I know I can't.

[greencoppr]

Hang in there. I know I have done things to my wife that have made her feel the same way. Stay strong.

[langlee]

Dear Liz,

Take a look at Goody's post on the "My daughter has BP" thread. She details what she has been through with her daughter, Erin, and she swears by the long-term hospitilization Erin had last summer. Today Erin is in a much better place.

I am recommending you go there to read it because I think Goody has had the most experience with hospitilizations and it sounds like something your daughter could definitely benefit from to get more stabilized and have some intensive therapy.

Good luck and keep posting.

Hope

[tsohl]

Hi Liz,

When we didn't see a post from you in awhile, I was hoping that meant your daughter was doing ok. Is she still living with you?

I don't know to what degree hospitalizing her would help. So much of it depends on the hospital and what kind of care she would get. I think you'll find that since she is an adult they won't be able to hold her past the manditory length of time -- whatever that might be in your state. If they think she really is a danger to herself, they might keep her longer, in which case it might do some good. From what you've said in the past, it doesn't sound like she would willingly stay on to get the help she so clearly needs. It is really a problem trying to figure out what do with our kids when they really need help but don't have the insight to know they need it.

I hope things are somewhat resolved by this morning.

Hugs to you!
xxxTsohl

[liz49]

Thanks to all of you--since my hubby is out of town (seems like he is NEVER here when I need him!) he was patently useless last night--actually I felt pretty calm, my best friend, who is the mom of my daughter's childhood best friend, came over & they were both crying buckets---I was dry eyed b'cuz when you've been thru this so many times, you get a little, what's the word--jaded--and altho they were frantic, I knew that once I knew where she was, I'd be ok. I didn't sleep much last night, & she's yet to come home today. and she very likely won't, but she does not have her meds with her, nor much cash--her CC's are maxed out and so she can't go far.
I will read Goody's post--she's amazing, as are you, Tsohl. You are right, I hadn't posted be'cuz she seemed better and also because her dad is getting ready to treat his HEPc and it's a brutal 48 week chemo-like therapy and we are really anxious about it. $$ are super tight and the drugs for him are $2K a month, so, yeah, our minds have been on that. We cannot afford hospitilization for her, but if that's what her pdoc decides, we will make her pay for it. We have no choice.

Thanks again--I knew I'd get up this am and find several replies. You guys are wonderful. Once again we're rock bottom--last tme it was over a "stolen" Ipod, this time a broken heart. How will this kid ever handle the real problems of life?
Thanks again, my lifesavers, my anonymous friends.
Liz