I don't know how to ask this... help

dyinginside · 07-05-2007, 10:50 PM

Hi, first post, please go easy...

I really don't know how to start here and I'm worried it will sound insulting or stupid.. but anyway

I've been depressed as hell and on and off anti-depressants for years. I've had years of self harm, I'm covered with scars and I've been in a mental hospital twice. Every single day through school I got beaten up because I was 'fat and misshapen' and ugly. I was taken out of school for my own safety which left me with less than 40% of my full education attendance for my whole schooling life. Even after school I ended up getting beaten up and gave up even telling the police about it since it was such a normal occurance for being a fat b****. Same went for relationships - all of which were from "I have to cheat on you occassionally because I want to shag someone pretty" to being a punching bag for embarassing them for being with a fat bird.

The two problems I have are - I want a tummy tuck and a breast augmentation and excess skin removal. The tummy tuck mainly to stop the beatings and to make me feel better and safer and more confident in myself. The breast augmentation because I'm told that at this stage it's the best alternative to sagging, deflated breasts after losing my one and only son (at least the only one that I got far enough along in pregnancy with that he showed up on a scan). Currently my breasts are a constant reminder of what I went through. (I wish it had been a plain miscarriage like all the others but I got so sick during pregnancy that the doctors said I'd die and it ended as a termination - so I guess I can't have kids. Funnily enough it's in my GP notes that the termination was by choice and not to avoid death. :/ The excess skin on my thighs and upper-arm flaps has always been there despite never being over a size 20.

I've never been excessily fat, just a bit. Maximum size 20 (UK sizes) ever. Where I'm from this is considered hideously fat but in other places I'm told it's not. The trouble is that my stomach is a really weird shape. It's the kind of shape you'd forgive if you'd had five kids, were a good few stone overweight and wore and elastic band around your middle. This means trousers and skirts NEVER fit no matter what I try and I have to live in loose jogging, elasticated pants.

Currently I'm awaiting assessment from a psychiatrist for an evaluation on whether or not I can have 'free' plastic surgery on the NHS in England. I've never been able to afford it and on the two occassions I've tried seriously saving for it I've been robbed. (Once by one of those violent boyfriends and once by a lodger which I only took in to try and get more money towards the surgery.)

So the problem..... the real problem..... I can't think how I'm going to convince this psychiatrist that I'm not just a regular woman off the street that just thinks she's ugly and needs some bits tweaked and tucked. I have no problem with women who feel that way but I have to prove this to a psychiatrist and a bunch of other doctors that have heard it all before.

What are the most common complaints women who go for surgery have? I have a lot more backstory that the stuff I've mentioned here and I'm sure I have valid reasons for desperately needing this surgery more than the average woman that doesn't like her looks. I'm up against doctors that don't take self-harm seriously despite the fact I've done it to (quote: ) The worst extent I have ever seen or heard of in my forty-plus career as a doctor (end quote: my previous GP).

How the hell do I convince these people? They've really heard it all before and I need to concentrate on the 'not so common' problems I associate with my body. One of the things I can think of is that I don't associate my problems with one or two parts of my body - I am actually given my looks as the reason that I don't get jobs, that I 'deserve' the beatings, that I'm asking for trouble going out in public looking like I do.

I truly, truly hate how I look but it's not me I have to convince because I know my way of thinking will never change and it's a constant trauma having to live in this body. If I had the money I'd be in surgery tomorrow.

I've been to therapy groups on learning to love yourself and photography therapy where you're forced to look at yourself and point out the good bits to you feel better and all of the counselling I can stomach for years and frigging years now. I'm 25 and I've been begging for surgery for 13 years. Finally my GP is sending me for this assessment but she thinks it will fail.

This is seriously the one thing stopping me from carrying on with a normal life. I don't even want to be beautiful, I want to be passable. Sorry I'm whinging - I should stop here because I know there are other men and women who understand on this forum.... so.... can you help me figure out how I can convince these doctors that this is a need for plastic surgery and not a want?

With both hope and great dread for the horror of replies I usually recieve when bringing up this subject...

- B

TXChica70 · 07-11-2007, 10:34 AM

I think the name you chose to call yourself on this forum says it all. I don't know what it takes to get a psychiatrist to recommend plastic surgery but if you don't fit the bill, I don't know who does.

I wish I would be more helpful but I can say is keep at it and you will find that doctor out there who 'gets it' and helps you.

Mainegirl · 07-11-2007, 02:21 PM

I don't know how it is in the UK, but both my drs here in the USA made sure I had no mental issues before I had my surgery.

They are afraid you are going to have this ideal image that you want to look like and if the surgery doesn't give you that, your depression is going to get worse.

Plastic surgery is no cure for depression. The recovery is hard and sometimes you don't get the results you want. You should worry about fixing your insides first.

Mel52 · 07-12-2007, 01:26 AM

I was talking to an old friend the other night about our teenage years. She was always picked on for being fat. She was very withdrawn and would often retreat. We were discussing a mutual friend who was also fat but no one ever picked on her. She projected such self-confidence no one could make her a "victim". Alot is attitude. Sometimes acting like you are comfortable will lead into actually feeling that way.
I will comment though about the breast augmentation. If you have breast tissue but just don't like the way they are heading downward, then you only would want a lift. The surgeon cuts out a pie slice shape piece of skin and tightens it up to create perky breasts. Implants can increase the size but you also may be opening up a can or problems. Women have had health reactions to implant chemicals. Surgeons may try to talk you into the implants as it is big bucks but if you research enough you will learn a lift is all you need.

daisy-duke77 · 07-13-2007, 08:24 PM

I agree that you should fix the inside first............but what a long battle. Your post makes me sooo sad! I too suffer from many mental illnesses.......and i have had some plastic surgery. I also have had many many years of therapy and been on and off of med's for 18yrs! I do know that PS wont do surgery on a mentally ill patient. BUT, in some regards im sure there are alot of people that do suffer, that decide to have plastic surgery! It definately isnt a "fix all" situation. Yes it boosted my self esteem, but i had major complications with my breast lift. I have had 3 breast surgeries in 9 years. Breast augmentation a lift and then a redue for the lift! Sorry i didnt answer your question............but i can relate to you, and i hope you get some help with your situation soon!