Am i wrong about my feelings

bess01 · 05-29-2008, 10:13 AM

Well to start things off,my husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer 2 months ago.It has been a verry stressful time for us.
We live in a village for residents over 50 years old.
My problem is that recently the committee has organised bus trips.
2 women that are committee members,AND WHO ARE OUR NEIGHBOURS,come round selling raffle tickets every 2 weeks,raising money for these bus trips.
There has already been 2 bus trips done.
I feel there behaviour is inappropriate and insensitive,being in our circumstances.
I was wondering what others would think about this.
With regards from Joy.

Phoenix · 05-29-2008, 03:48 PM

Hello Bess,

Welcome.

Sorry to hear about your husband.

I do not think that their intent is to be disrespectful.

They could be among the thought that someone you know(family member,friend) could probably benefit from what they have to offer(gift, etc.).

If you are getting a negative vibe, you could explain to them that now is not the best time for fundraising, for so many reasons.

I think they will get the point.

How are you holding up otherwise?

Respectfully,

Phoenix

bess01 · 05-29-2008, 10:15 PM

Hello Phoenix
Thank you for the response.
I have felt unhappy ever since we heard the terrible news.
My husband and i have been married for 43 years.
I try to remain strong,positive and supportive around my husband all the time,but sometimes i go away by my self and have a good cry.
Some times its hard when you are the sole object,for them, when they let off steam.
Which was why the other day when i went out to do the shopping and left my husband home to take a nap,as he gets tired a lot lately.
Any way this is when the 2 women called in to sell these raffle tickets.
When i got home,this is when he told me about them calling.
I felt angry and responded with (THE PESTS).
He said its alright they did not wake me.
But i took it along a bit more,i suppose i was tired my self, and needed to vent a bit,any way we had a bit of an arguement,and he said if you dont shut up i will knock you down,of course i know he would not do this,but it hurt me just the same, him saying that to me.
I know he must be going through a lot of emotions and health problems dealing with this cancer.
Back about 3 weeks ago i said perhaps there is a cancer support group that you,or we can go to,and he said he does not want to go to any of these groups.
I ask some days how about we go for a drive down to this seaside place we know about, and take a walk along the long pathway there is.
He replied with, i just want to stay at home with you.
Our children live away unfortunately,and i feel if we had them,and our grandchilden around more, things would not be so lonely.
Any way thanks fverry much for caring.
Bye and best wishes from bess.

Phoenix · 05-30-2008, 04:51 AM

Bess,

I realize that it must be difficult at times, when it comes to being supportive.

Having a good cry every now and then can be very therapeutic in its own rite; it helps release pent up emotions and genuine tears have been known to be good for the soul.

Since it is the two of you, it boils down to realizing that this situation is rough on all concerned.

If he doesn't want to travel for support, maybe he can try registering at healthboards.com; there are so many boards with a wealth of supportive information and advice.

If he doesn't want to leave the house at the moment, then try seeing a movie on television, playing cards, crossword puzzles, etc.

The key here is the quality time spent together.

If you and your children both have computers, might I suggest using a ******, so that you could speak to and see each other(including grandchildren) at the same time?(just a suggestion)

We are a caring lot here; post as often as you like.

Take care and God Bless.

Phoenix

nerfmom · 06-18-2008, 01:10 PM

Bess,
I haven't been on the forum for a while and when I saw your posting, I had to answer it.
It is very hard to deal with serious illness and people on the outside don't understand sometimes. Have you thought about putting a note on your door when you leave to go out by yourself to let others know that your husband is resting and please don't disturb? Do you have an answering machine for your phone? Can you turn the ringer on the phone down and just let the machine pick up when you are out? Or if you don't have a machine, can you turn off the ringer on the phone so your husband won't hear it? When I leave my husband alone, he often lets the machine "pick up". I also have a sign that I put on the door.
Best wishes to you and your husband. If you can, it would be really good if you can find someone to be with your husband while you have some time to yourself. Don't feel guilty, you have needs too and it is not selfish to want some time away. Nerfmom