Newbie here and I don't know 'where or what I am'

rk2k2 · 06-01-2008, 07:44 PM

except sitting on the sidelines.

My 47 yo girlfriend of 3 1/2 months was dx'ed with stage 2 cervical cancer a little over a week ago. Yeah, only 3 1/2 months but its as deep a love as I have ever had (I believe her as well also).

I'll skip the details, but at first she didn't want to me to go through this with her. I suspect she still doesn't and may just be trying to push me away. She still hasn't seen me or replied to emails, although she has called a few times. And I do receive the occasional ecard. By phone, she sounds great (not to suggest she isn't suffering emotional turmoil) ...

From the get go I stressed to her that I wasn't going anywhere, no matter what comes I'm here for her, plain and simple. Her concern was she didn't want to force this upon me, it wasn't fair to me. MY response, *I* am choosing and WANT to be with her and that I love her and will go through anything with her.

I understand SHE is the one in the difficult situation. But my selfish question is this- How long, if ever, might I expect she lets me be a real part of her life?

Misty800 · 06-01-2008, 07:54 PM

Your girlfriend has a lot on her plate right now and most likely does not have the energy/etc. to devote to a boyfriend. This does not mean she does not care for you.

Most likely she needs space and time to sort things out.

Just let her know you are there for her but do not be pushy. Only time will tell what she decides to do regarding your relationship with her.

Please do not become a burden to her at this time in an effort to get what you want. This is a very difficult time for her.

rk2k2 · 06-01-2008, 08:56 PM

Thanks for the reply Misty. Your mentioning 'boyfriend' sort of hit the nail on the head. Having just yesterday realized 'what I wanted' was to be there for her as a husband would for his wife. And of course then the realization I'm NOT her husband, just a boyfriend of a few months.

Having already survived breast cancer twice over the past 10 years, neither time did her ex-husband have anything to do with her through the ordeals. Not even ONE hospital visit. Now Ana just doesn't know what to do with a guy (me) that wants to be a support with ears and shoulders. In her words, this overwhelms her and she doesn't know what to do with it.

In any event, I have been giving her space although a couple times I have made suggested we COULD meet just to talk/ hug or go for a drive. For now I'll just remain a distant ear and let her figure everything out.

Phoenix · 06-03-2008, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rk2k2

I understand SHE is the one in the difficult situation. But my selfish question is this- How long, if ever, might I expect she lets me be a real part of her life?

Hello r,

Time will tell with this one but I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

Life has a unique way of turning the tides.

Take care.

Phoenix