Hello rain. Hello capt.
We are going through some trying times right now. My mother-in-law of 88 years was diagnosed with terminal cancer about 17 days ago. It is in her lung (where they think it started), it is in her liver, and it is in her brain. They gave her 3 months at most.
My wife's brother is 50 years old. He has been living with his parents since birth. He has periods where he is physically and emotional abusive to his father and mother. Most of his wrath is poured out on his mother??? His father will just stand there and watch. She has lived in a world of fear for ?? Decades, and there is nothing we can do about it. If we try to intervene, the father and mother band together and run the authorities out, saying it was all a misunderstanding. My father-in-law told me that his son is mentally ill; they will not allow him to be taken away. They are afraid that he will commit suicide because his twin brother took his own life about 30 years ago. For some reason, his parents feel that the suicide is, somehow, their fault and will do anything to keep it from ever happening again, no matter the cost.
Currently, the son is on this really weird diet that his parents are forced to eat as well. He watches them 24/7 to make sure that they follow his rules for nutrition, medicine.... everything. All of this might be ok if he was a doctor or nutritionist, but he's not. He's just crazy.
His mother had displayed many alarming symptoms of a disease before she was diagnosed with the cancer. The doctors said that she has had it in her lung for at least three years, and they were appalled that she hasn't been to doctor for three years. She had headaches in the same spot of the head, shortness of breath, dramatic weight loss, blood in the urine... But they never took her to the doctor because the son had control of their money. He spent a small fortune of it on herbal and alchemy cures for diseases that he dreamed up and said that any one of them might have. When any symptom of his imaginary disease came up, he put them on a regiment of herbs and vitamins and food, some of these herbs were labeled "not for human consumption." None were allowed to see the doctor because the son labeled all medical doctors "quacks."
On a Sunday night about three weeks ago, him mom had a grand mal seizure. They took her to the ER where she was diagnosed with the cancer. She went home the following day, and hospice was going to meet with them in the afternoon. The son followed instructions as provided by hospice for nutrition and pain control for about three days. It wasn't long before he decided that the doctors and hospice didn't know what they were talking about, so he took away her pain medicine and put her on a juice only diet. When hospice found out, they told him to find another doctor for her pain control. They told him to throw the morphine out. He says he threw it out but I know that he likes the opiate drugs a lot. He used to take mine.
By now, his mom was dropping weight much to quickly and she was in extreme pain. He, one of the nephews, and I got into an argument about her pain and nutrition: it was obvious the pain was unbearable and the woman was starving. He threatened to call the police on me and his nephew if we didn't leave the property. On our way out, we saw him yelling and shaking his fists at his bed-ridden mom. His dad asked us to not come back.
A week later, I was called back to give my wife some supplies. He wasn't there and I saw the mother. She had lost at least 25 more lbs and seemed to be in agony. I drove home and got a hold of senior services to try to get her out of that house. Senior services told me that they had a record on this guy. They said that they could go out, but if she refused to be moved, then they were afraid of what the son might do to her or the father. I called my attorney, and for a good sum of money, he could file for guardianship, but it required some or most of the children to stick together, which has been a struggle in the past, and a judge to make a determination. Then, we needed a place for her to stay (my place for now), and arrangements for long-term care. My attorney thought, given the situation, that my mother in law would be dead before we finally got her out of the situation.
So, my last option was to go to the mother when the son wasn't around and ask her if she wanted to leave. If she did, Senior Services would come right out and take her. I could see "pain" written all over that poor woman's body. "No,' she said, "I want to stay home." When the son found out that I had talked to the mother, he kicked my wife out for two days. I am no allowed to go back.
So I walked away, feeling my only two options are to try to catch the son doing something and call the police or catch him alone and beat him up. I guess if I got him arrested, they might do a drug test and find morphine in him.
More horror stories are still coming out of that house, and I am waiting for my chance to make my move, whether it is legal or physical. The latest news is that they brought in a different hospice because the doctor said she needed it and that he was going to file a report with senior services if she didn't get it. When the hospice came out, the older sister was there to make sure that they knew that the son was not feeding the mom as the doctor prescribed and was not letting her have her pain meds. That seems to have helped, a little bit. My wife is back over there now, and all I can do is give her my support. She still has me run supplies to her, so I see the son once in a while, and he act and looks like he is still taking her morphine. My wife says that he still is in control of his mom’s pain meds.
Sorry for such a long post. This has been a tough week with great pain from this emotional roller-coaster ride with my wife's family.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Mike
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